In need of some encouragement!

[Spammy]

Hi ladies. Haven't posted much on here but your all so lovely I wondered if I could trouble you for a bit of encouragement

Me and OH are going to start TTC shortly and I am so excited! However, it's tinged with a bit of sadness.

In June 2010 I lost my mum after a 7 year struggle with an awful blood disorder. She was only 63 and was my best friend as well as a wonderful mum. I have 2 nieces and 2 nephews who were lucky enough to know her for the first few years of their lives and its lovely to sit with them now and talk about their memories of her.

I am 27 this year and never imagined the excitement of having my first baby would be tinged with the sadness of my mum not being around. I am trying so much to focus on the positive and to not think about things too much.

I just wondered if any of you have gone through a similar thing and could reassure me that everything will be ok.

Hope you don't mind me posting this. It's hard to speak to friends about without sounding like a neurotic negative thinker who is worrying about something that isn't even happening yet!

XxX

 

[cosmicgirl]

Aww hun, so sorry for your loss. I can't share your problem but I know your mum will be looking down on you and will watch over you and your little one every step xx

 

[DaisyPurple]

So sorry to hear that you lost your mum I lost my nan (mums mum) day before my son was due, she had been very poorly for a long time, my son came along 3 days after the funeral, I'm convinced she timed it so that she make sure we were safe, and watch over us, if you know what I mean, if you look at it that way it may help, a little bit, you will get plenty of support and advice here, xx

 

[Spammy]

Thanks ladies. One of the things I'm worried about is not having her there for help! I know plenty of people have babies without their mum around and do just fine. Will just need extra advice from you lovely lot!

 

[LouiseB]

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum

My mum is a pain in the ass most of the time, but even still i'm sure that at some point i'm going to turn to her for some support when i get pregnant and have a baby so i can appreciate how isolated you might feel.

Don't forget that even though they might not have given birth to you, there are still plenty of mums out there who will be able to help you whether they are on the forum or your midwife or doctor or social worker or whatever

Actually one of my friends lost her mother to cancer when she was 25, she is nearly 40 now and just had her frist baby, and she mentioned to her midwife that she wanted other mums to speak to and the midwife actually put her in touch with other women she was visiting who had just given birth and were also feeling alone and now she meets them every week and she says that they have been a HUGE support to her and she's made some really good mates.

You'll be alright

 

[DaisyPurple]

That's really good that your friend got to meet other mums through her midwife,
Spammy maybe you could do this too, also there should be a parentcraft class and mums to be classes, these helped me no end when I was pregnant ( 10 years ago now shock!) anyway, you have all up girls for support too, very good luck to you when do you get to start trying? X

 

[Doodles]

I very much doubt anyone here would mind sweety as all the ladies are lovely, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, have you tried a support group? x x

 

[Spammy]

I just realised I said 2010. She actually died 2 years ago in June so that makes it 2009! Wow time flies!

We are planning in trying from September. Hubby wants one more holiday without LOs!

Thank you so much for our advice and support. It means so much.

I have 3 older sisters so I am lucky in that respect. Just doesn't feel the same. Feel almost envious that mum was around when they had their first baby does that make sense?

 

[JellybeanIWant]

Hi hun, I have yet to experience a massive loss, except my grandparents who didn't get to meet my partner and will never meet their great grandchild. But my mother is very ill and the reason I want a baby so quickly (as my OH always says "you have your whole life why do you want a child now") clearly I say.. I'm broody, I think we will be good parents, we can support a child financialy and emotionaly... but one of the other reasons is because I didnt have a long time with my mums mother on her side she died when I was young, luckily I got to know my fathers mum and dad until my grandmother sadly died when I was around 13-14.

I want my child to know his/her grandparents, both my parents are alive, my dad is healthy and my mum is fine at the moment but not too sound morbid but she has so many illnesses I just appreciate all the days I have with her, my OH's mother is still alive but his father has sadly died but I want my mum to have something to live for also, when I get pregnant it will be her ONLY grandchild unless my 14 year old brother beats me to it lol!

Good luck conceiving hun xxxxxxx

 

[Lady 28]

Hi I'm 28 and I lost my Mum at 21 to cancer so yes I Know exactly what you mean. We have been ttc to for a while and I wish my Mum was there to chat to be and comfort me about it. My advice would be if you have a trusted aunt etc to confide in it can help. It doesn't take away your longing for your Mum but helps soothe it.

If we have a baby it will be very sad that my Mum won't meet him or her as she would have loved being a Granny and would have been a great help to me. However, I also think that any baby I had would be a little part of her and would give me the chance to be as good a Mum to my children as my Mum was to me.

I think wherever our Mums are they will be looking after us. Good luck!


ps. Just thinking if mine had some magic baby dust I wish she would sprinkle it over me!!!

 

[Spammy]

Thanks Lady. I do have other ppl I can confide in. I have some lovely fiends and a lovely mother in law. I am grateful to have so Many
Lovely ppl around me. I guess there will always be things in life that make me miss my mum more than I do usually!

 

[Young Mum 21 x]

so sorry for your loss..
i hope u get your soon.
and im sure your mother will be watching over you xxxx

 

[LD1978]

Ahh Spammy (and all you other ladies) I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sister back in 2005 and can only even begin to imagine how losing your mother would feel. My mum is my best friend and I feel I would truly die without her. I know times like this make you think about your loss more (as I imagine mothers day, wedding days and any big life moments) but I assure you even though she isnt here physically she is definitelyt with you in spirit.

There is nothing anybody can say to make you feel better but I can categorically promise you that you will MOST DEFINITELY be fine and everything will be ok. Yes you will miss her but when you get your BFP you will have an amazing child. There will be tons of people to support you and be there for you, and your mum will be proud of you.

I know its tough and fingers crossed for a BFP for you xxx

 

[Spammy]

Thanks again ladies. Your lovely comments have made me feel much more positive. I am looking forward to TTC so much! Wish I could get on with it now but my husband is very stubborn! Lol x