I'm having a down day

[Sherlock]

and I don't know why really. I've never really had one throughout my entire pregnancy either The sun is shining, I've been out in the garden pottering, the chooks have been following me and Eric the wonder Whippet has been following them

I just feel sort of deflated.

I've been busy today which is nice. Hubby has gone in to the office to work for the first time in ages and its rather nice to have the house to myself and potter. I am much more inclined to do things when he is not around for some reason.

I've cleaned, walked the dog, spent time in the garden, done laundry, written my birth plans (for 2 scenarios if in hospital) and made a list for things if I birth at home. I've sorted my hospital bag and have everything either packed or ready where I can lay hands on it at short notice and a few other things.

I'm more or less ready with everything for when the baby arrives. Just have to collect the few big buys, buggy/pram, car seat and moses basket. Hopefully all this weekend. Other than that were all set.

But it all feels so flat. I think since Monday and talking to the Registrar I kind of feel bleh about a few things. I'm not worried about my homebirth and have more confidence in that and myself than birthing in hospital. My hubby is supporting and agrees with my choice also which helps. I've been preparing myself mentally for birth for a long while. Although I accept nothing can prepare you totally, but in my mind I am ready for it. Just its made me more bleh about birthing in hospital than ever. I know the Doctor was doing his job, but he really didn't inspire any confidence in me and I hope to goodness if I do end up in hospital and needing a Doctor to assist for whatever reason he is not the one to pitch up. I'd be asking for another Doctor if that were the case (note to self - must check up if I am entitled to do that. He told me he could refuse me as a patient so I bloody well better be able to refuse him as my Doctor).

I am not negative to birthing in hospital. Just I want as little medical intervention as possible, hence preferring to try at home. I personally feel its a slippery slope once in hospital and once on it, things will spiral when quite possibly they need not. I don't wish to have drugs to speed me up, to force more contractions and push my baby out when they are not quite ready still. If neither myself or my baby are in distress then why the rush. I don't care someones shift is ending and they'd like to get things moving before they go off, or that I am not fitting to the guidelines hospitals have. I'm a person not a machine and am pregnant not ill. I am open to pain relief etc, but I want to choose and not feel I am being told or timed and if not meeting requirements then its out of my hands etc.

I just need to get over this hump about the sodding Doctor. As polite as he was (and on occasion a bit rude, though worded carefully), he really needs to learn that his words cause more upset and distress than reassurance and help.

Bleh

 

[muppetmummy]

I think it's normal to feel a bit down at this stage. It's a waiting game now, all the exciting baby preparation has been done, and it's just killing time whilst feeling really uncomfortable. On one hand you're excited about meeting baby and can't wait for that to happen, on the other in the back of your mind you're thinking about what you've got to go through to get there.

I don't blame you for wanting to avoid a hospital birth, they are a bit too keen to work to a schedule for my liking too. I wouldn't worry about what the doctor said, he's bound to lean towards the medical approach. It doesn't mean that you'll need his services to get baby out

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Awwww honey! I'm sorry you're having a down day we all get them from time to time but that doesn't make them any nicer.

That doctor guys sounds like a bit of a dipstick to me (notice the fairly polite phrasing ). If he can refuse you care then you can refuse to have him treat you! Silly man!

I don't see why a slightly bigger baby should cause you too many problems anyway! I mean i can see it being more risky if you are like 14 days overdue and baby is humongous, but even then it can't be that bad!

You are strong and smart and you'll know what's best for you and baby when the time comes trust yourself and your judgement, and at least the midwife was supportive - that always helps too!

I'm so jealous that you have chooks! I'd love some, i'd love to live in the countryside, sounds idyllic where you are!

Have a good day, try not to worry, think about meeting your beautiful LO! xxxxxxx

 

[Tillytots]

Sorry you are having a down day Sherry

I think even without the Doctor issue we're at that stage where these down, flat days appear out of no-where. There doesnt need to be a reason for them either. We have been on a long journey and we are reaching the end and it does get tiresome. I keep having flat moments too. So, add that to the knobby Doctor you were unfortunate to have to deal with its no wondewr you feel a bit bleh.

You know how much I wanted a homebirth too and now its absolutely definate that I'll be off to the grotty hospital I have been talking with people, mainly family who have all said even in hospital I dont have to go along with their plans. They cannot make me have a drip, they cannot make me give birth in a certain time. And this is true. If at the time I feel like I want to get it over with then of course I'll go with what feels right at the time but they cannot make me do anything LOL - even if Im a nightmare patient its my body, my baby and I wont be spooked into doing anything. I can be a right stubborn little minx if I want to be. YOu have done so much research so you know whats what and no-one can mak you do anything you dont want hun. If you dont want them to intervene then they wont. Everything will be ok

 

[Llys]

You know how much I wanted a homebirth too and now its absolutely definate that I'll be off to the grotty hospital I have been talking with people, mainly family who have all said even in hospital I dont have to go along with their plans. They cannot make me have a drip, they cannot make me give birth in a certain time. And this is true. If at the time I feel like I want to get it over with then of course I'll go with what feels right at the time but they cannot make me do anything LOL - even if Im a nightmare patient its my body, my baby and I wont be spooked into doing anything. I can be a right stubborn little minx if I want to be. YOu have done so much research so you know whats what and no-one can mak you do anything you dont want hun. If you dont want them to intervene then they wont. Everything will be ok

Sorry.. legal head on here

There's this little thing in the Mental Capacity Act called Doctrine of Best Interests..... If the hospital thought that they had to act to save either your life or your babies life and they felt you were not capable at that time of making a reasonable decision, they could make you

 

[Tillytots]

oh yea if my baby was in trouble maybe they could but they cant make me have a drip to speed up labour or insist I use forceps as they couldnt stop me discharging myself and giving birth on their doorstep LOL No-one HAS to give birth in hospital

 

[laracomps]

I sympathise re the Registrar. My consultant is also utter shite, and I always end up feeling this way after an appointment. I don't know how some Doctors have gotten to where they are with the way they talk to people I really don't.

Do you have to see them much more? Last time I went to see the consultant, I knew it would be the last time (thank goodness) - but if I had to see her more than that, I think I would have asked for someone else. Its no good going to see someone who panics you rather than reassures.

My action plan last time was to phone my midwife for reassurance after if she scared / upset me again. Maybe you could do the same? I have a lot more confidence in my midwifes than the Consultant! She hadn't read my notes, and completely forgot she'd even seen me before!

I'm sure you'll feel a bit better tomorrow, you know your body better than a Doctor.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

tbh none of us (i don't think) would refuse these things if they were going to be used to keep our LO's healthy. We'd only complain if they were using them when there were other options still available and when baby and mother were still perfectly fine.

xx

 

[Tillytots]

Of course if my bubs or my life were in the balance then Id want them to do anything they could to help but I disagree with the system hospitals run with regards to time limits on labour etc. Giving someone a drip to speed up contractions isnt life-sustaining treatment IMO.

I think the act that Llys is talking about is for life-sustaining treatment. Decisions made by healthcare authorities when a patient lacks capacity. Of course if you put in a signed birth plan certain wishes when you have capacity I think that must stand for something?

 

[Sherlock]

tbh none of us (i don't think) would refuse these things if they were going to be used to keep our LO's healthy. We'd only complain if they were using them when there were other options still available and when baby and mother were still perfectly fine.

Yup. If my life or that of my child were in danger I would have the C section etc. But I hope to make informed choices based on what is happening, when sometimes they appear too keen to take the next step for my liking.

 

[Sherlock]

I think it's normal to feel a bit down at this stage. It's a waiting game now, all the exciting baby preparation has been done, and it's just killing time whilst feeling really uncomfortable.

I don't blame you for wanting to avoid a hospital birth, they are a bit too keen to work to a schedule for my liking too. I wouldn't worry about what the doctor said, he's bound to lean towards the medical approach. It doesn't mean that you'll need his services to get baby out

Thank you

It is just waiting now isn't it I don't mind it so much, but the longer I wait the more it niggles me I will have to see that Doctor again at 39 weeks and have another growth scan If baby still appears big then I really don't know. Goodness knows what his 'advice' will be if I've not popped already. He will probably talk induction sooner rather than later because of my BMI and baby's size. Everything I've read tells me induction is not always the best course of action in that instance and women labour better when left for it to happen naturally. Be that either at home or in hospital, I'd rather that than induction if at all possible if neither of us is distressed or in immediate danger.

I think that's what is bothering me the most. I have 4 weeks to wait and know this is all coming from him again. Still I'm one of those who can speak her own mind very well so I'm sure I shall cope well with whatever he has to say Let's hope I've popped by then eh

 

[bumpmakes3]

Not like you to sound miffed off Sherlock but at least in a few weeks time all this waiting'll be over and you'll have something fabulous to show for it

I'm sure you'll tell that stinky doctor what's what. You go girl

 

[Sherlock]

Sorry you are having a down day Sherry

I think even without the Doctor issue we're at that stage where these down, flat days appear out of no-where. There doesnt need to be a reason for them either. We have been on a long journey and we are reaching the end and it does get tiresome. I keep having flat moments too. So, add that to the knobby Doctor you were unfortunate to have to deal with its no wondewr you feel a bit bleh.

Thanks Sarah I think I'm just not used to having these down days. I really have not had them during pregnancy. I've been so upbeat and positive in my mind about everything, even when I've had my heart tests and bleeding etc, I've been pretty calm and focused. I've been openminded all the way through but, well, lol we agree on the reasons we do re hospitals, so enough said there

Knooby Doctor is about right. I don't doubt he knows his job, but thats it. He has no knowledge of homebirth or my MW. Or until last Monday, of me! He looked at my charts before he met me and made up his mind *sigh* I find that so grrrrrrr

I know I am more than capable of being a cantankerous cow so I am aware that if I do labour in hospital I am liable to question things and possibly refuse the drugs etc. I may change my mind, I've always left the door open to IV pain relief, never say never but it is still my hope to labour in my own time with as little intervention as possible, whevever it happens.

 

[Sherlock]

I sympathise re the Registrar. My consultant is also utter shite, and I always end up feeling this way after an appointment. I don't know how some Doctors have gotten to where they are with the way they talk to people I really don't.

Do you have to see them much more?

I've only met him the once and I have to go back again at 39 weeks for another growth scan if I've not popped already. I'm really hoping I never see the man again

My MW was great on Monday. I didn't have an appointment to see her but after seeing the Registrar I asked if she was around and could see us and she did for 20 minutes to talk it all over. She looked at my notes and what he had written and was lovely about it all. She still can't see a problem with homebirth if all remains well in the next few weeks. She has always been pro homebirth for me, so I take confidence in that.

I wish they would just be a little less medical and a little more personal when they give you their opinion. Medical is good, but show some understanding for what we hope for our births All I got was negative the whole way.

 

[Sherlock]

Not like you to sound miffed off Sherlock but at least in a few weeks time all this waiting'll be over and you'll have something fabulous to show for it

I'm sure you'll tell that stinky doctor what's what. You go girl

true, very good point. Thank you. I do try to keep focused and I guess this has just sideswiped me a bit for a while. I'll be sure to bounce back.

 

[keli]

Hope you pop before 39 wks so you don't have to see knobby doctor again! xx

 

[Happybunny]

Aww I am so sorry you are feeling this way today.
Try not to worry about your next visit too much. As you said in a previous post they only have one item on a long list that may go against you for a homebirth. If everything is ok with you and baby, you still have every right to ask for more time to see if baby will come naturally at home. You mustn’t feel pressured into any procedure (I have a feeling you won’t be anyway! )
I think you are right to keep focussing on the experience you want, but you are also right to make a plan in case you do have to go to hospital (because of a complication, not because one doctor thinks you should).
Keep your chin up, you come across to me as a very strong person who won’t let one opinionated doctor keep her down.

 

[BabyMagic]

Sherlock have a few of these

I have a few doctors in my family and as much as I love them all and think that they are doing a lot to help people, I also know that they have been educated to eliminate risks and intervene whenever they feel appropriate. They often do so to avoid any legal challenge. For example, if you go to see a doctor they expect you to want medicine, when as it is not always the most suitable solution. For example, my BIL once said something like: "if you don't give antibiotics to a person who has had a cold for a while they are often dissatisfied with your service. If the patient then gets any worse they blame the doctor."

As another example my OH was really struggling to see me having morning sickness (even though I did not complain for once). He really wanted to prescribe me pills to ease off the nausea/sickness. Needless to say, I refused. I am currently reinforcing to him that I WILL be in pain during labour but that he is not allowed to offer me painkillers (I'll ask them as appropriate). My OH just hates seeing me or anyone else in pain!!

I don't know if this helps at all but if you try to understand the mentality of doctors you may understand why they are behaving the way they do. I am totally with you wanting to have a natural birth and I am sure it will be fine, but the doctors are just covering their own back and hence suggesting a hospital birth. In your previous threat you said that your midwife was happy with the homebirth. Tbh I would trust her more in this case! You can always go to a hospital if needed later during the labour (this happened to my friend and there was no problem).

It is great that you have prepared birth plans just in case you have to go to hospital. This proves that you have thought about it. Perhaps you could now continue mentally preparing for a home birth and IF you have to go to hospital you could then go through your hospital birth plan in the ambulance and co-operate it to your breathing and relaxing exercises at that stage.

On the positive note, take this 'feeling a bit down' as a good practice as they say that new mothers tend to have a 'baby blue' on the third day after the baby is born. You can then try to use the same copying mechanism as you have used today. You come across strong and I am sure that your inner strength is coming up with ways to help you get over little hiccups! Stay positive - cuddle your new dog and say affirmations (my favourite is: 'I trust my body and follow it's lead' or 'I KNOW I will be strong and confident when my baby is born').

Loads of love

 

[Kimbo]

 

[sarafet]

aww sherry

as someone said - it's a waiting game now, and only time will tell what's going to happen. as for the doctor, he was arrogant, and it didn't make what he was trying to say any easier to take in.

it sounds like your m/w is really good anyways and her support will go a long way

hope you're feeling a bit better now misses

sarah xxx