I'm falling apart..........

[Jollypops]

Ok, todays the day that i have started to lose it. Calum has done nothing but cry or should i say scream since 3am this morning and this has finished me off. There had been no way of consoling him, i'd tried everything and again i was doing this all on my own both Paul and his father stayed in bed while i tried for hours to settle him, when the worst thing i could do was shout at Calum and just tell him to shut up, god i feel so bad and am actually crying while i'm writing this.

I am so tired and feed up with putting on a smile on my face when all i want to do is have time to sort things out. Paul really doesnt give me any help and if i'm lucky he will do a 6pm feed any later and his in bed, and he certainly hasnt done any night feeds. I have my father in law over from spain for 3 weeks and its a bloody nightmare having to sort out food etc every night. I'm also angry when it come to the evenings and feed time for calum i have told my FIL over and over again that after 7pm it quiet time so no loud talking in front of calum if his in the lougue being fed, no interaction etc etc as its getting ready for sleep time, and every night he pokes calum and in a loud voice says "Hello Calum, how you doing , you having your food Calum" and pulls on his arm and every night i ask him not to. Ok so maybe i should take him to the bedroom or something by why the bloody hell cant he get it into his head . FIL also siys up till 2/3am so if i have to do a night feed as well all the lights are on and is lit up like a soding football pitch! and again i'm asked for the lights to be dim. I got so fed up the other night that i feed Calum in the nursery but then Paul was moaning that Calum was eating from his bottle to loud I cant win!!

The house is a bloody mess and piles are building up everywhere and Paul asks me what i've been doing all day. I have also received a bill from social services for £11,000, that they are wanting for my uncles nursing home bill because they cant be arsed to sort his house out for him to go home and they never even told us to expect this so i am fuming and trying to sort it out with a social worker that is a pain in the butt.

I'm also fed up to go out with Calum anymore because i fed up of people saying about him being a newborn and when i say his 3 months i get alsorts of comments one being "You should feed him more" and walked off! and HV's are crap.

Now i'm fuming i have just gone downstairs to find that FIL has Calum in his arms when he should be bloody sleeping, why why why god i'm so mad and Paul has now just put his head round the door asking why i'm crying, told him because i'm tried, nobodys listening to me and i'm fed up with doing everything. So far tonight i've done tea, cleared up, had a bath, sterlised bottle, washed up, fed cats, put bins out, etc etc and i'm knackered and they've sat on their arse

FIL has now gone to the loo so its going to bloody stink and his gona spray sodding lou lou spray aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[LisaJ1986]

Aww
I know how you feel. I, in the end, broke down in tears begging for help. We have now come to bargaining. It's the way i get things working. Like "you feed the baby while i feed the dogs" and "i'll cook tea while you hoover" If he works then give him the not so tiring jobs. But spending time with his son while you get on with something else shouldn't be a bargain (even though it can be here sometimes) Also get OH to talk to your FIL. He needs to learn some respect for your home and routine.

 

[charlie84]

TBH hun if it were me in that situation i would do buggar all for them. They sound like a right pair of ungrateful sods (sorry if that sounds harsh)
And to tell you that the baby makes too much noise when feeding, well sod him your baby needs to eat, tell him to get some earplugs. Oh and he needs to be helping you around the house too.
You have a hell of alot more patience than me hun

Your FIL needs to respect your routine and if he doesnt listen to you then like lisa said get OH to have a word with him. It needs to stop because once he goes home you will be the one stuck dealing with a baby whos all out of your routine that i imagine you have worked hard to achieve.

As for strangers commenting on your baby without knowing he is a premmie well i would tell them to sod off and not be so bloody rude

Gosh just re read my post and sorry i sound harsh hun but it really annoys me when i hear how unsupportive OHs/family members are sometimes. I just dont understand it

Its a hard job looking after a baby all day without the added pressure of looking after people who are fully capable of looking after themselves.

Just make sure you make time for yourself hun, sod their dinner they can get it themselves if they are that hungry

 

[MagicMarkers]

I agree im sure theyre lovely most of the time but right now theyre being a bunch of twats !
Your FIl should be grateful for what your doing for him and rather than making life more difficult while hes there think about helping out a bit the lazy sod, then again if OH isnt willing to give him a kick up the bum about disrupting a routine youve obviously worked really hard to establish, and youve already spoken to him i dont know what you can do hun !!
If Oh moans again about baby feeding too loudly tell him that the reason he can hear him feeding is that his dads got blackpool illuminations going downstairs otherwise youd be feeding him there, maybe give him an incentive to get his dad to tone it all down a bit !!

Sounds to me like your getting the short end of the stick here hun and a little help would go a long way, hopefully you can get some downtime soon, preferably before FIl goes home

 

[Sherlock]

Sorry you are having a crappy time of it. I don't visit here often so have only just seen your post

May I offer a bit of advice? I know its your home and that in an ideal world you would hope any guests would be considerate of your needs etc but as they are not, then say to hell with him and your OH for a few days.

If that means you tell your OH that for the next few nights its up to him to sort out dinner for himself and his father (and you if he is organised, if not have a bowl of soup or something simple for yourself but don't lift a finger for them). Also don't stick around trying to feed if you are being disturbed. I used to do the same and when I had my MIL here I took to feeding upstairs so as to have peace and quiet to feed. I didn't care so long as it meant I didn't get upset. Its not worth it in the end for those few weeks. I know we would hope that visitors, especially family will listen to us, but often they don't. So sod 'em, go elsewhere for the duration and remove yourself from the situation and upset. Sticking around on principal isn't worth it IMHO. Save the argument for when your LO is older and you are more able to cope with things. For now, put yourself first even if that means you feed elsewhere.

As to night feeds and your OH being an arse about it all, again, I'd say tough on him for the rest of his fathers stay. I always feed our son in our bedroom at night, even without guests here and have done since day 1. No way am I dragging my arse out of bed over and over each night. If my OH wants an undisturbed nights sleep he can go to the spare room. We had our son together and he does not have a get out of childcare option As it is LO waking and feeding hardly causes him to stir and even if he does, luckily he doesn't complain. I try to be as quiet as I can but sometimes do disturb him. Or I shove him to go settle LO back down. If your OH wants to tell his father to sort out his bedtime or at least to have the lights on dim then he can do so, otherwise feed in the bedroom and to hell with them both.

Sounds to me like your OH is being somewhat lazy and really could be doing a bit more to help. And also that you sound down worries me. If you are struggling then have a chat with your HV and maybe they can hook you up with some support. You should not have to struggle like this. Is your OH the sort of person who you can sit down and talk about all this with? If you have to carry on like this it really isn't fair on you and he could be helping instead of making you feel worse.

Have a few more of these and I'll check back and see how you are doing soon. Feel free to drop me a PM if you need to chat

 

[Mildly]

Aww I agree with the others hun If your Oh and FIL aren't going to help with Calum then sod them, they can look after themselves. Also forget about the housework, if your OH is bothered he can do it himself.

Definitely feed him in the nursery where you have dimmed lights so that it doesn't disturb his night time routine. As for the crying, could he be a bit colicky? Perhaps try him on gripe water or infacol Don't feel bad at shouting at Calum, babies crying are the worst thing ever. If Oscar cries loads, I end up crying with him because I hate it

Hope things get better hun, don't listen to other people's stupid opinions If you ever feel like you need a person to person chat let me know and we could meet up in Colchester

 

[LaineyG]

If I was you, (and I'm not suggesting you do this, it's just what I would do!) I'd throw one hell of a major high class strop. Scream, cry and get it all out. Tell Paul, and your FIL exactly what you've said here. Tell them that from now on you are going to look after Callum, and yourself.

You expect them to take Callum from you for at least an hour a day and let you get a nap/shower/bath. You won't be cooking or cleaning, but of course they can ask you advice on how to cook or use the washing machine.

Yes, it may sound selfish, but you really really need a break, and a bit of support!

 

[Jollypops]

Thanks for replys, just an update..
The next day when i arrived home Paul was already home from work and FIL was there as usual (Have been trying to go out everyday all day!) i gave Calum to Paul as normal but Calum cried and cried, Paul had a moan handed him back and went upstairs, so i gave a comment that its nice to see that someone can walked away! anyway i changed calum and fed him and then went upstairs to see what was going on only to find Paul upset After a talk it turns out that Paul was feeling really low as well, thinking that calum didnt like him etc because he always seemed to cry with him and stopped when he passed him back, so after talking it all through we're working through it together in how best to please and settle Calum.
With regards to FIL i only have afew more days left as he goes home friday! I did some washing for him the other day and took it out of the tumble, folded it up and left it on the side, he then asked to iron it so told him where the bits were, he ironed them and then said is there anything you want doing so told him where the overflowing ironing basket was to which he worked through the lot (apart from the bedding) didnt go outside for a smoke or have lunch, when i asked why he hadnt he said he felt as though he should get it all done first

So i'm doing ok at the moment and with things being alittle easier with Paul its going ok, calum however doesnt seem to be doing things by half as he is cutting 3 teeth! so not a happy bunny but we've no found some gel that seems to settle him abit more so we'll just keep going and see what happens.

Thanks for your support

xx

 

[Jollypops]

Hope things get better hun, don't listen to other people's stupid opinions If you ever feel like you need a person to person chat let me know and we could meet up in Colchester

Would be lovely to meet up with you and Oscar