Im an expecting dad but my mum is the devil

[koalasyrup]

Hello, So im an expecting dad with my fiancé who i love very much, we are nearly 13 weeks pregnant and really happy. im 22 and she is 23 and a mum to be. our current situation is im living in a room to rent, she lives with her parents. ive got a new really well paid job so its a case of saving and moving asap. heres ourr problem, our parents. my mother is 43 with a 2 year old of her own with her second marriage that has been going through trouble. ive always been close to my mum as a youngster but ive lived on my own since 18. me and my other half were pregnant 2 years ago, and when i announced this to my mum, this is the response i recieved.. "is the baby yours? i want to see a dna test! i wont support this pregnancy, none of the family support this pregnancy," i recieved a negative reaction and it was heartbreaking, my other half had an abortion because it scared her into thinking what a bad environment for our baby. two years later here we are, i almost gave my mother and stepfather the impression were expecting again by telling them our intention to move to a 2 bedroom property, heads shook.. i was told "Your too young, you haven't lived together yet, i wont support this if you are" the same sort of negativity, me and my fiancé are in love and over the 6 years we have had ups and downs but we really adore eachother and we are so excited but i dont want my parents negativity ruining things, suggestions?

 

[Mummybexee]

Suggestions- tell her to either like it or lump it

She will come around eventually

 

[Muguboo]

Don't discuss it with her. It's not her business anyway - you're a grown man and will be supporting your family so she has no hold. It's a tragedy that your partner felt like she had to have an abortion last time if it really was just because of how your mum reacted. I hope she's emotionally stronger this time.

Tbh if any member of my family was as vile as your quotes and header indicate I'd be cutting ties.

 

[LikeJohnnYoko]

She doesn't have to support your actions for you to go about your lives together. She can disapprove in her house away from you, and you don't have to listen to her talk negatively.

You keep doing what you're doing and build a life with your fiancée and little bump!

 

[Mum2betash]

I'm sorry to hear you situation. I guess the best you can do is just be a real support to one another and perhaps not discuss the pregnancy with your mum. (as difficult as this can be!) if you're in love and want to live together and have a family then you do that and enjoy every second of it and ignore others opinions. X

 

[mylullaby]

It is an absolute tragedy that your parents' reaction to your first pregnancy led you to make that decision. So very sad. But having said that, it seems to me as though she's absolutely terrified of losing her son. You've obviously been there through the ups and downs with her and - even though you moved out a few years ago - she's probably just scared that settling down and starting a family of your own will take you away from her.

It could also be to do with her own past - she was young when she had you, she's been through divorce and is having problems with her second marriage, which she'll inevitably find hard to deal with - especially with a 2 year old to take care of - but perhaps she had something else in mind for you? Maybe she thinks if you wait a while, you'll avoid some of the struggles she's had/is having? I'm not saying that's right or wrong, just that it could be how she sees things.

You have to make decisions that are right for you, your fiancee and the baby - and if that means upsetting your parents, then so be it. But if you want to save your relationship with your mum, maybe you can think of ways to show her that you love her and that you'll still be there for her when you have your own family - and you need her to be there for you too. I really hope that once you've confirmed your decision to have the baby and she's had time to accept it and let it sink in a bit, that the negativity from the people around you stops.

Good luck xx