Identity Crisis - I know a lot of u have it!

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Argh! I thought I'd been doing really well with the whole hormone thing...only problems where most of the time I couldn't take a joke (especially off my hubby) and I'd get the start of tears in my eyes watching anything remotely sad on TV but I've never actually cried

Yesterday I was full on agressive towards anyone and anything that annoyed me ....people in town, cats, xbox games

But today I've woken up having an identity crisis
I know a lot of you laides are going/have gone through similar things, so I guess I just want to vent and get some constructive help

I'm perfectly happy with my ability to be a mum and all that....the baby isn't (conciously) any real concern. I've gone a bit made the last 1.5months and have practically everything I need for at least the first 3 months

However I just don't know what to do with myself!
Family are all miles away or abroad and I don't have a large network of friends. I have a best firend lives alone yet she always manages to be busy working and she's about to start a new course at Uni in Sept....and then I have 3-4 people that I meet up with on Sundays for our religious studies classes and sometimes text during the week. I'm hoping when I'm on maternity I can spend more time with them but they all live on the other side of town so it gets expensive forking out for taxis and messing around with buses

All I do at the moment (apart from going out sundays) is work and come home to cats and hubby. Hubby has no social life of his own -at all - what-so-ever. I've been trying to encourage him to get a hobby or something but he's only really interested in computers and so he spends most of the evening and weekends glued to the PC screen on this dam online game he's addicted to! So although he's 'there' he's not really company and I've given up trying to find things to do together in the evenings. We normally go around town on a saturday just to get out together but this week he couldn't even be bothered to do that

My father in law was meant to be moving in with us permanently, coming down a few weeks before bumpys due and either staying then or staying for about a month then going back home and sorting out visas etc then coming back.
Now his (estranged) wife's giving him some serious stick (as usual!) and so instead of retiring (he's 58years old and works a full week, travelling over 200km per day in scortching Dubi heat to construction sites where he's the head engineer and worryingly has had a few near misses in the last year!!) he looks like he's going to let her blackmail him into carrying on working and putting both his daughters through a SECOND degree each in another country....they've only just completed the first ones! And as they insit on foriegn uni's he has to pay to rent a house and cover the bills etc over there as well as his own home and means he just spends all day working and all evening alone!

So now I no longer have this 'being part of the family' to look forward to because it looks like she'll win and he wont be moving in with us anyway.
It's just gona be me...baby...and when he's home from work - hubby. And I just don't feel at all like I have any kind of identity. I'm gona be a stay at home mum and try to join mother a baby groups but that still doesn't define me as a person or as a member of a group *sigh*

I've been having a lot of 'what if' dreams lately where I'm pregnant or the baby is still fairly young and for some reason me and my husband are no longer together and I go back to either my high school crush or my other long term partner and try to start a fresh...but it's never 100% hunky-dorie as I can't practice my religion when I'm with either of them and I know what I'm doing is wrong for me and my child coz we should be with his Dad
Not having any marriage problems....I guess I'm just scared and they were both big family oriantated people...

*rant over - sorry didn't realise it had taken so much space!!!*

 

[Fly]

sounds like you got quite alot on your plate at the moment and are worried about your father in law. You say your hubby is into online gaming? how about suggesting to him that one night a week you play board games instead ? you can get second hand games from charity shops - me and my OH quite often play scrabble or monopoly of an evening - i don't think its fair that he constantly gives his attention to the computer - you need attention too xxxx

 

[aramintalovegrove]

sounds like it can be isolating for you.

As fly suggested one special nightwith OH a week sounds good.

I just couldnt face doing mums and toddlers last time round but found being with DS constantly really got to me, so this time round if i dont hop straight back to work (only lasted 8 weeks before going back to work last time) im going to bite the bullet and join some groups.

If they are rubbish you dont go back and Im hoping I enjoy it as much as being on here!!