I really need your help - LONG POST

[Tori]

I really need your help and suggestions, Rob is ringing me in a few hours cos iv final decsided to tell him just how crap my last yr has been. I havent told him just how crap it has - as im ashamed, and worried bout how he will react.

As some of u know, he left him a few weeks ago - partly cos i push him away, i dont mean too but thats just how i cope, i try n put on a front. He just said he cant be bothered to try anymore, he just doesnt want 'us', hes lost his fight to make us work etc.

Anyway, i havent told him that for the last 9 months iv had PND, iv have to have councilling, it sounds really bad but i just find it hard not being able to do all the things i used too. I LOVE leah to bits i really do and would never do anything to put her in danger as she is my world but iv been struggling so much. The only thing that has kept me going is him - but i just cant seem to show him that i love him even though i do - i adore him. Im also really jealous of him as he goes out with his mates when he wants and i feel left out. My mates live all over the country - as i went to uni in Shropshire. He went to college/uni in Cambridge so all his mates are here. My closest mate is travelling n i just feel alone. He says i make him feel guily for going out n even getting txts from him mates - but i HONESTLY dont mean too.
I had an awful time after i gave brith to leah - to cu a long story short i nearly died had a massive haemorrage - lost 7 pints of blood and had to be resussitated (sp) iv found it really hard to get my head around the fact i nearly died. After all of that a few weeks later i ended up having another haemorrhage and lost a few pints of blood
Anyway the reason i havent told him that i have councillin is because he 'doesnt beilieve' in it and thinks it for weak people. Iv been puttin on a brave face for so long.

I just really want to tell him how i feel and that i want him back - but he said he doesnt want that, but i dont know how to explain it all to him and explain y iv been how i have.

I know this prob is abit mixed up and maynot make any sense but anyhelp would be great, and im sorry i posted it in here but im hoping for more replys as im desperate.

Thank u x x x

 

[mum2A&L]

oh hun. i really don't have much advise. i just wanted to offer a hug
try and write everything down that you want / need to say.

If you need an ear, pm me anytime

 

[susie]

I am sooo sorry to here everything you have been going through i dont really have any advice but just to let you know that over the past 2 years i have suffered terrribly from panic attacks and even though my hubby has allways ben here and supportive he really does not undestand what i have been going through and feels i just need to get a grip so to speak, i dont feel that anyone unless they have been there in your position knows how you feel and how depression can affect the everyday life of someone, i feel all you can do is try and explain and maybe get some literature for him to read on pnd good luck hun xxx

 

[tuck]

why not show him what you have just written here????? and if he is understanding etc about it then could he go with you to see your doctor or councillor so they can explain to him what PND actually is. There was a really good radio show on Radio 2 yesterday all about PND and how it is NOT YOUR FAULT and there is nothing that you could do to stop it.

I really hope that you sort things out and that you start to feel better soon, you've done the biggest step and that was getting professional help.

 

[nicki]

Oh hunny, you've had such a tough time & its not shameful or weak to seek help. You've been alot braver than some people would be.
If he thinks councilling is for the weak then he obvouisly is very lucky that nothing that traumatic has ever happened to him.
He should appreciate what a rough time you've had but then I guess as you have found it difficult to talk to him then he doesn't know (and men are crap at working these things out!!) so basically you need to sit him down, face to face, and tell him exactly what you've said here (ask him not to interrupt until you've finished saying your bit) and go from there.
You've taken the first & hardest step by seeking help & admitting to yourself there's a problem.

You will cope, you have done so far even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment & it will get easier hun. Be strong.

Big hugs & good luck with you talk (let us know how it went. If you need to talk i'm always here.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Just tell him what youve told us hun, its not difficult to understand.

He does need to know what you have been holding back and how much you love him and want him back, but please dont feel that you have to justify anything - you dont need to justify anything to anyone and dont let the conversation turn around to it all being your fault and him being blameless. He could have been a bit more supportive and understanding babe, so dont let him place it all on your shoulders - thats unfair and unjust.

Also, make yourself look really nice for him - I know this comment may get a few raised eyebrows but you'll feel more confident and this will show, plus he'll get to see what his been missing!

Please come back and let us know how it goes

 

[mum2A&L]

why not show him what you have just written here?????

even better idea!

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

i dont have ne advice hun but thought u may like a hug

 

[SarahB]

Everyone has given great advice and I just want to echo everything they have said to you. Also want to send a big

 

[Tori]

well he rang me and i explained everything, he said he was greatful for me opening up to him (i was in tears) i said i really didnt want to talk about it on the phone as it seemed really impersonal but i agreed i would as id got myself ready to do it.
So anyway i told him and we're meeting up on Fri for a drink to talk bout it all in person.
I know it might not change hes mind but as least hes agreed to meet up for a drink.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, you've all been so supportive.

I;l let u know how i get on, on friday
x x x

 

[mum2A&L]

glad it went ok

getting it all off your chest will help anyway!

we are always just a post away!

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

oh hun thats brilliant, he obviously wants to understand whats been going on with you and thats a very positive step in the right direction!

Good luck friday, please let us know how it goes!

 

[nicki]

I agree with the others, sounds like a step in the right direction to me. Good luck

 

[MissGobby]

awww good luck hun!!

 

[smurf]

Best of luck for Friday hun I am glad he let you say how you feel and I really hope things get sorted out. Maybe you could see if you can get a book or pamplet on PND for him to take away and read it might help him to understand a bit clearer what you're going through.

 

[skairdykat]

Good luck for Friday hun. I'm so glad you told him how you were feeling, men aren't very good at getting the message unless you spell it out to them are they?

 

[Misslarue]

Good luck on Friday hun

 

[mummykay]

good luck hun, if u wana talk then pm me

 

[Happybunny]

Aww Tori, sounds like a really sad year. I am glad you managed to tell Rob and that he is keen to meet. I hope it goes well on Friday.
M
x

 

[Rosebay]

Hi Hun,

I'm so glad he's listening to you and that you're able to talk to him. I just did some research for you online and the Mind website has this online pamphlet that you could print out and give to him maybe? Here is the link:-

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Book ... ession.htm

You can just print the whole page I think then you won't have to worry about ordering a copy or anything. It mentions not talking to people about it being a symptom so that might help to explain to him what's been happening between the two of you.

I really hope you sort it out between the two of you, are you still having counselling? Would you be able to go to a session with your OH to talk about things if you are or wouldn't that help?

Good luck
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