Ebony_Mommy
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I just had a really argument with my ex.. :(
- Thread starter Ebony_Mommy
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was the pregnancy planned ebony? I just can't imagine having a baby with anyone who you cannot trust. 
hope things work out for you. seriously id go and see a solicitor if you feel so strongly that he might abduct your baby.
hope things work out for you. seriously id go and see a solicitor if you feel so strongly that he might abduct your baby.
Ebony_Mommy
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budge said:
I agree WHATEVER happens he is the father, and he could request a dns test to prove he is the father which would give him just as much rights and to be honest if he wanted to take baby he will do it no matter.
GET THINGS SORTED LEGALLY - ASAP!!
get police invilved if he is threatening you and record everything.
Ebony_Mommy
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This is waaayyy over my head now!
I have to agree with Budge and Hypnorm though im afraid...you really do need to see some one about this if you suspect he may snatch the baby.
Your saying that you will let him see the baby whenever he wishes, but then you think he will snatch her...isnt it best to tell a solicitor all this so you can gain some proper advice? You owe it to your child and to yourself.
I have to agree with Budge and Hypnorm though im afraid...you really do need to see some one about this if you suspect he may snatch the baby.
Your saying that you will let him see the baby whenever he wishes, but then you think he will snatch her...isnt it best to tell a solicitor all this so you can gain some proper advice? You owe it to your child and to yourself.
how do you think the kid will feel when he/she looks at birth certificate and asks why daddy isn't on the form.
he would onyl get custody of the child if he could prove neligence on your part or that kid was in danger, but as he has a record already then he has no chance - the courts will always favour the mother.
Personally i would include him on the birth certificate, he is babys father after all.
Are you not wanting him on there for your own hate towards him... just think of the child in all this.
i i was in the same situation i would still name him as the dad, there fore he will have to provide for baby,
he would onyl get custody of the child if he could prove neligence on your part or that kid was in danger, but as he has a record already then he has no chance - the courts will always favour the mother.
Personally i would include him on the birth certificate, he is babys father after all.
Are you not wanting him on there for your own hate towards him... just think of the child in all this.
i i was in the same situation i would still name him as the dad, there fore he will have to provide for baby,
Ebony_Mommy
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ebony_preggy said:
If he can prove he is the dad via dna test etc then he will still have as much rights as if he was on the birth certificate. Whether he is on it or not if he takes baby without your consent then that would still be against the law.
But yet you say he has threatened you with knives.. why would you even let him have access. Really if he is being that aggressive i would get a restraining order. That is a VERY serious offence. If he is threatening to kill you...
You don't seem to see how serious this is. knives, threatening to murder you.
i would think that is a greater concern than whether to include him on the birth certificate.
You say he is capable of killing you,
you really need to get this sorted asap, if it is a serious as you are saying,.
You saftey is paramount.
Ebony_Mommy
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yeah... im gonna see a lawyer...
but im still making excuses for him
(bad habit)
but im still making excuses for him
(bad habit)I think thats really well said Selena!
We are worried for you Ebony, this man sounds dangerous I know if any one ever threatened me with a knife I would report them straight away to the police and get a restraining order against them asap. Thats why I think you should see a solicitor straight away. If you hate this man as much as you say you do you must do it, and more importantly for the safety of you and that dear LO.
We are worried for you Ebony, this man sounds dangerous I know if any one ever threatened me with a knife I would report them straight away to the police and get a restraining order against them asap. Thats why I think you should see a solicitor straight away. If you hate this man as much as you say you do you must do it, and more importantly for the safety of you and that dear LO.
Ebony_Mommy
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(((
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men get automatic parental rights if their name is put on th birth certificate.
If its not on then your other half can go to a solicitor and get parental rights very simply. You would have to say he wasn't the father and he would then get finacial assistance to prove he was. Then you'd just look like a slapper like they do on Jeremy Kyle.
and im sure you don't want that.
Are either of you working? if you're not then all the above would be at the cost of the taxpayer as you would get all expenses paid.
Ebony put your other halfs name on the certificate but just insist that he only has access under a controlled environmetn. Maybe you know a family friend who would be willing to stay with him with the baby for a few visits until you maybe began to trust him.
If its not on then your other half can go to a solicitor and get parental rights very simply. You would have to say he wasn't the father and he would then get finacial assistance to prove he was. Then you'd just look like a slapper like they do on Jeremy Kyle.
and im sure you don't want that. Are either of you working? if you're not then all the above would be at the cost of the taxpayer as you would get all expenses paid.
Ebony put your other halfs name on the certificate but just insist that he only has access under a controlled environmetn. Maybe you know a family friend who would be willing to stay with him with the baby for a few visits until you maybe began to trust him.
Ebony_Mommy
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im scared he take her and i cant do anything about it 
look Ebony if you are that scared don't let him have her at all. You are the mother and if you feel he poses a risk then do not let him see her. If he wants to see her so badly he will get access via a court. You will then have a chance to voice your concerns and then they can decide what sort of a risk if any he actually poses.
Ebony right now i think you're hormones are all over the place and you feel vulnerable not only for yourself but baby too. Please stop worrying about everything and concentrate on being well in your pregnancy.
If you are breastfeeding no one can take care of baby anyway until you stop. So just try and relax and forget the what if etc. Gowith the flow. You might find once you've had baby you feel more confident about things and less hett up.
Ebony right now i think you're hormones are all over the place and you feel vulnerable not only for yourself but baby too. Please stop worrying about everything and concentrate on being well in your pregnancy.
If you are breastfeeding no one can take care of baby anyway until you stop. So just try and relax and forget the what if etc. Gowith the flow. You might find once you've had baby you feel more confident about things and less hett up.
Ebony_Mommy
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ok babes..
you're right about that...
tnx
you're right about that...
tnx
Ebony,
I would take legal advice as soon as you can, citizens advice is probably best.
I know you don't want to hear it but he sounds like he's out of control himself rather than just a git- and you can't take chances with yours, your sister, your baby and your dogs lives at stake.
Years ago I was in an abusive relationship( i was 17) and it took a very long time to get my life sorted and for me to trust anyone. I was also pregnant but lost the baby in the early stages. It is really tough to get any perspective on the situation when you are in it, i put up with stuff then, that I wouldn't dream of now.
I very much doubt that he would get custody with his history babe, whereas you haven't done anything except take care of your sis- he wouldn't have a chance.
You sound strong and you will be fine, but in my opinion you need some help with this, just so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Don't want to sound patronising but I wouldn't sleep with him again cos it'll just mess your head up ( I can talk --I took my ex back for sex loads of times before I finally realised he was gettin it good
)
Loads of
jo
I would take legal advice as soon as you can, citizens advice is probably best.
I know you don't want to hear it but he sounds like he's out of control himself rather than just a git- and you can't take chances with yours, your sister, your baby and your dogs lives at stake.
Years ago I was in an abusive relationship( i was 17) and it took a very long time to get my life sorted and for me to trust anyone. I was also pregnant but lost the baby in the early stages. It is really tough to get any perspective on the situation when you are in it, i put up with stuff then, that I wouldn't dream of now.
I very much doubt that he would get custody with his history babe, whereas you haven't done anything except take care of your sis- he wouldn't have a chance.
You sound strong and you will be fine, but in my opinion you need some help with this, just so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Don't want to sound patronising but I wouldn't sleep with him again cos it'll just mess your head up ( I can talk --I took my ex back for sex loads of times before I finally realised he was gettin it good
)Loads of
jo
sazzleevans
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Hi
I understand your gut feeling not to put him on the birth certificate but it wont make any difference BUT it might annoy him even more, cause friction with his family and make you look like your being obstructive.
I would suggest you play him at his own game but at the same time work the system.
If you dont add your exs name on the birth certificate it makes no difference as far as fighting for custody is concerned. If he wants to apply for residence of the child (which means they live with him) or if he wants contact then at the same time he fills in a very simple form which asks for parental responisbility. It wont really make it harder for him to get the contact/residence it just becomes a part of the hearing. The only way to stop the parental responsibility is to deney that hes the dad in court and i cant see that working. Plus it will back up his argument that you wont comply with court orders and it may make it more difficult for you.
To put him on the birth certificate he has to go with you to the office to complete the birth certificate. Personally i would send him a note and speak to his family saying you are happy to do this as long as he acts like a responsible father. I wouldnt threat not to add him just inform him that he needs to be with you and you have to work together etc etc. If he objects to the child living with you and says he is going to take the child record this and you can use it as a defence in court for not adding him to the birth certificate and it will back you case up that he cannot be trusted to have unsupervised contact.
Even if he does get parental responsibilty through being adding to the birth certificate you can go to court exparte (which means you just turn up on the spot - courts usual have set times each day) with a solictor who you can instruct on the day and ask for the return of your child. Having parental responsibility does not mean he can keep the child without your consent and if he takes the child and you fear for her saftey then the judge will issue an order for her to be returned. The police can assist your solictor in doing this.
The judge then gives a date for you both to come back to court where he deals with what has done on and usualy makes an order or asks for a report before he makes a residence order.
The main thing is not to look like your obstructing the court or preventing your childs right to see the father BUT you dont have to put the child at risk.
As far as threats are concerned you coull go to the police and ask for him to be warned for harrassment. If he then does it again he gets locked up. Alternatively you go to solictor and he goes to the county court who can ask the judge for an order which prevents him for harrassing you or coming near you. In some ways this is better than getting him locked up PLUS this file will be in the County Court where any family proceedings will take place.
From your posting i dont think you really believe he will take the child hes just trying to push your buttons. If you can i would speak to someone in his family who you can count on and make sure you sound resonable. Looking reasonable will make him look more of an arse. Try to make them see that you will be happy to add his name to the birth certificate and would be happy for contact as long as one of them acts as a bit of a go between maybe being with him when he collects the child or where you can drop the child off so that things dont get nasty between the two of you.
Hope that make sense. The key is if you are in fear of your safety call the police. He will be locked up and maybe he deserves it?
SARAH
I understand your gut feeling not to put him on the birth certificate but it wont make any difference BUT it might annoy him even more, cause friction with his family and make you look like your being obstructive.
I would suggest you play him at his own game but at the same time work the system.
If you dont add your exs name on the birth certificate it makes no difference as far as fighting for custody is concerned. If he wants to apply for residence of the child (which means they live with him) or if he wants contact then at the same time he fills in a very simple form which asks for parental responisbility. It wont really make it harder for him to get the contact/residence it just becomes a part of the hearing. The only way to stop the parental responsibility is to deney that hes the dad in court and i cant see that working. Plus it will back up his argument that you wont comply with court orders and it may make it more difficult for you.
To put him on the birth certificate he has to go with you to the office to complete the birth certificate. Personally i would send him a note and speak to his family saying you are happy to do this as long as he acts like a responsible father. I wouldnt threat not to add him just inform him that he needs to be with you and you have to work together etc etc. If he objects to the child living with you and says he is going to take the child record this and you can use it as a defence in court for not adding him to the birth certificate and it will back you case up that he cannot be trusted to have unsupervised contact.
Even if he does get parental responsibilty through being adding to the birth certificate you can go to court exparte (which means you just turn up on the spot - courts usual have set times each day) with a solictor who you can instruct on the day and ask for the return of your child. Having parental responsibility does not mean he can keep the child without your consent and if he takes the child and you fear for her saftey then the judge will issue an order for her to be returned. The police can assist your solictor in doing this.
The judge then gives a date for you both to come back to court where he deals with what has done on and usualy makes an order or asks for a report before he makes a residence order.
The main thing is not to look like your obstructing the court or preventing your childs right to see the father BUT you dont have to put the child at risk.
As far as threats are concerned you coull go to the police and ask for him to be warned for harrassment. If he then does it again he gets locked up. Alternatively you go to solictor and he goes to the county court who can ask the judge for an order which prevents him for harrassing you or coming near you. In some ways this is better than getting him locked up PLUS this file will be in the County Court where any family proceedings will take place.
From your posting i dont think you really believe he will take the child hes just trying to push your buttons. If you can i would speak to someone in his family who you can count on and make sure you sound resonable. Looking reasonable will make him look more of an arse. Try to make them see that you will be happy to add his name to the birth certificate and would be happy for contact as long as one of them acts as a bit of a go between maybe being with him when he collects the child or where you can drop the child off so that things dont get nasty between the two of you.
Hope that make sense. The key is if you are in fear of your safety call the police. He will be locked up and maybe he deserves it?
SARAH
Ebony_Mommy
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thnx babes...
its nice to hear someones views who has been in my situation..
thnx alot
its nice to hear someones views who has been in my situation..
thnx alot
Ebony_Mommy
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thanx sarah...
i understand...
i sound confused dont i..? sorry
i cant tell his family becaz they have no idea what is going on..
they think we are a fairy tale couple.
i understand...
i sound confused dont i..? sorry
i cant tell his family becaz they have no idea what is going on..
they think we are a fairy tale couple.
