I HATE.....

[lainey]

SKY SPORTS
PLAYSTATIONS
RACING CARS

My OH and me have been having afew rows on the 3 above subjects lately, its now come to the stage where I cant even be bothered arguing about it and I do my own thing.

My OH got sky installed few months back, and opted for the Sky Sports package, every time I come home, or there are breaks in the programme am watching or if I nip to the toilet I find my channel am watchin switched over to Sky Sports where it remains. ITS SO ANNOYING.

My OH does racing, and is really good at it, but it does require alot of work fixing his car up each week for racing. This means most evenings after work and some weekends he is either fixing the car or away racing, so I dont see him as much as I would like to anyway. But he talks about racing 24/7 and I hate the racing. I dont have a clue what he is speaking about. If it isnt the racing he then speaks about the football non stop.

He also told me 4 monts ago he was giving up the racing as it was costing far too much to race and the repairs, along iwth the fact he was finding it hard to get sponcership and the main reason being because we were TTC and putting money aside for our wedding. However out of the blue I find out from someone else he has bought a new race car. At a cost of thousands.

Its come to the point for the last 2/3 months, he comes home sits infront of the ps2 for hours, switches over to skysports, I end up going up to my bedroom to watch tv, where i remain there from after tea time to bedtime and then fall asleep. Or else if this is not the routine he goes working on his racing car til 9pm at night and then comes home and watched sky sports til the early hours.

I think am cracking up. Sometimes I feel il never get him out this cycle I have attempted and failed miserably and last thing I can be bothered about is arguing over it. I have actually contemplated leaving him over this now. Which I know is ridiculous and it sounds so petty but I actually feel like am 4th in his line of priorities. I think why could you want a baby as much as you say u do with me when you cant even spend anytime with me.

(PS I have already tried sabatogaing the PS2 )

[/b]

 

[lainey]

Just to also add regarding the racing situation, his mother loves the fact her son races and her social life revolves around these nights out at the racing, getting drunk and cheering on her son.

She doesnt like me at all, wont speak to me (Infact thats untrue to say she doesnt like me cos i dont know if she does or not as she has never uttered more that afew sentecnes to me!)

She gave my OH a very hard time last year when he wouldnt race every week and would rather spend the time with me.

I am actually 100% convinced she is giving him all the money to buy this new car and to make sure he races so she still has a social life. She goes in strops with him if he doesnt race and wont speak to him for weeks on end.

I think am at the end of my tether with it all

 

[Dee1985]

My OH is mad for his xbox plasmas surround sound etc etc etc the list goes on. we have £1000's worth of AV he even went out today and spent £80 on a cable but to be honest i dont let it bother me. my ex was obbsessed with drinking going down the pub and girls! so i can live with Kris AV obsession

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Sounds like its his mum thats at the root of this, my ex was a guitarist in bands and his mum (the dirty old mutton!) was always going to gigs and that was her social life, I dont know what she had done with herself if she didnt have that! Talk about reliving your youth through your children!

Seriously though babe, have you told him how you feel about this? Maybe he jsut doesnt realise - you know what men are like!

 

[lainey]

Sounds like its his mum thats at the root of this, my ex was a guitarist in bands and his mum (the dirty old mutton!) was always going to gigs and that was her social life, I dont know what she had done with herself if she didnt have that! Talk about reliving your youth through your children!

Seriously though babe, have you told him how you feel about this? Maybe he jsut doesnt realise - you know what men are like!

Thats exactly it, couldnt have put it better myself.

Thing is like all guys hes abit of a mummys boy. Wont stand up to her.

Last year it was quite bad, and she was making him race even though he was 24!!! with a mind of his own, he told me it didnt feel like a fun hobbie anymore.

But lately his views and opinions have totally changed and hes throwing himself into the racing. I know fine hes used up a fair bit of money himself, but i secretly have suspicions she is giving him money to keep him racing.

Really annoying.

 

[lainey]

My OH is mad for his xbox plasmas surround sound etc etc etc the list goes on. we have £1000's worth of AV he even went out today and spent £80 on a cable but to be honest i dont let it bother me. my ex was obbsessed with drinking going down the pub and girls! so i can live with Kris AV obsession

I can see your point as well, but I think it also comes back to the point that its like i dont exist, am making him his supper and laying it next to him and he doesnt even realise that i am there and have just made it for him, am sure he thinks the PS2 has made it. I get no repsonse... hours on hours, I have bad migranes so why should i sit downstairs watching someone play pro football or fifa for 6 hours solid?

 

[Dee1985]

he sounds addicted. kris goes through these phases. so i just just put my foot down. turn the thing off.

but now Dior is old anough i wisper to her to turn of the xbob she runs up and does it

 

[TipsyDipsy]

he sounds addicted. kris goes through these phases. so i just just put my foot down. turn the thing off.

but now Dior is old anough i wisper to her to turn of the xbob she runs up and does it

LOL I do the same thing

 

[emilia]

Please don't take offence, but of what I just read, sounds like your DH isn't quite ready for a little one yet.

You sound mature enough, but I think your DH needs a few more years. He will have to learn to stand firm on his own to feet and not have his mother dictate. Can you imagine what will happen if you have a baby & your relationship falls apart? I can just see his mum marching behind him telling him his rights.

He has to be able to listen to you, respect you & protect you (from his mother especially). If you're having probs now, postpone ttc until you're sorted.

Sending you hugs!!

Emilia xx

 

[TipsyDipsy]

Please don't take offence, but of what I just read, sounds like your DH isn't quite ready for a little one yet.

You sound mature enough, but I think your DH needs a few more years. He will have to learn to stand firm on his own to feet and not have his mother dictate. Can you imagine what will happen if you have a baby & your relationship falls apart? I can just see his mum marching behind him telling him his rights.

He has to be able to listen to you, respect you & protect you (from his mother especially). If you're having probs now, postpone ttc until you're sorted.

Sending you hugs!!

Emilia xx

I know that post kinda sounds a bit harsh but I have to admit I agree.
I live with an overbearing MIL and a sister-in-law that practically lives there and if it wasn't for my hubbie standing in my corner alongside me I know the frustration would have put a lot of resentment in the relationship in the end.

 

[cassi]

I agree with emilia, its either going to fall apart or the baby will make him realise he has a responsability, but at the end of a day the first is a risk and it would be better to be safe than sorry.....

Your oh sounds like my oh before i moved in! He loves his track days and his track car, and his ps2, before i moved in all he would do most nights was fix his car (he rebuilt and engine in the house!) and then play on his ps2 with a nice microwave meal by his side...typical man lol....

But he realised his prioritys and dosnt do it as much now..but i also love my cars and track days so when he goes out to work on the car il go out and help out..maybe thats why its not such a problem for me? because i show an interest? so maybe try and show an interest in his hobbies but tell him to meet you in the middle and also show and interest in you and what you want to do?

I really think you need to talk to im and come to some sort of agreement..

cas xx

 

[lainey]

Please don't take offence, but of what I just read, sounds like your DH isn't quite ready for a little one yet.

You sound mature enough, but I think your DH needs a few more years. He will have to learn to stand firm on his own to feet and not have his mother dictate. Can you imagine what will happen if you have a baby & your relationship falls apart? I can just see his mum marching behind him telling him his rights.

He has to be able to listen to you, respect you & protect you (from his mother especially). If you're having probs now, postpone ttc until you're sorted.

Sending you hugs!!

Emilia xx

I know that post kinda sounds a bit harsh but I have to admit I agree.
I live with an overbearing MIL and a sister-in-law that practically lives there and if it wasn't for my hubbie standing in my corner alongside me I know the frustration would have put a lot of resentment in the relationship in the end.

Actually I take great offence to what you wrote. Since the few problems I do have are nothing to do with TTC, and just general problems within my relationship, that all relationships have and I wanted a little rant about to get off my chest - as of course this is healthy rather than being bottled up inside! .

You dont have to be in a relationship where you NEVER have a disagreement to be able to TTC, our relationship is PERFECT except for the above 3 subjects where any fall outs are based around.

My partner and I are both ready TTC, and we have been for the past 16 months with unsuccess. Fair enough his mother is influencial over him, but thats over his hobby not his life in general. She finds me a threat to his racing career. But lets be honest he is almost too old to race now and will never build a career out of it, but she cant see this. I spoke to him regarding this last night adn we actually got somewhere at last over it.


And how anyone could come on here and pronounce their opinion that they should hold back TTC over afew things that I have mentioned with downfall over my relationship is unbelievable. I would never judge someone over afew thigns they have mentioned on a forum board - But thats just me, I have read quite afew problems in this relationship section some people who have kids already and have problems with maybe not just their partner but with inlaws etc so should they be judged because of this?

NO OFFENCE THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS AND I DONT MEAN TO BE ARGUMENTATIVE.

 

[Strangeness]

Most men have something they are interested in and I think they take hobbies more seriously than women. My hubby loves dvds, tvs, gadgets, football and ps2 but it doesn't bother me because our relationship is good and he's not constantly watching or playing. If it effects your relationship then you need to have words. Most of it can be sorted out and when a baby comes along men tend to know that they can't do it anymore. I don't think he sounds like he isn't ready for a baby he's just being a bloke who isn't totally tied down and has time to do things he wants. If a baby comes along then he'll buck up his ideas. If it's upsetting you then tell him and I hope you can sort it out

 

[lainey]

Most men have something they are interested in and I think they take hobbies more seriously than women. My hubby loves dvds, tvs, gadgets, football and ps2 but it doesn't bother me because our relationship is good and he's not constantly watching or playing. If it effects your relationship then you need to have words. Most of it can be sorted out and when a baby comes along men tend to know that they can't do it anymore. I don't think he sounds like he isn't ready for a baby he's just being a bloke who isn't totally tied down and has time to do things he wants. If a baby comes along then he'll buck up his ideas. If it's upsetting you then tell him and I hope you can sort it out

Thank you I agree with you, and was just having a wee rant about it yesterday

When we spoke about it last night he said the same thing!!! He also said it will be hard doing things on our own once the little one comes around and doing things we like to do right now with no ties.

Which does make sense. He did also say that the reason he has threw himself into the racing as this season is his last, and he is trying to do well to go out on a high, I feel bad now I gave him so much grief about it all

 

[emilia]

Lainey ... I'm sorry that you feel offended!

I just read through your post again and it's hard not to come to the conclusion that I came to! Sorry .... if you didn't want any opinions (I tried to be nice about it) you should have said so at the bottom of your post.

I'm really sorry that you feel so upset. Remember one thing though - The way things are in life .... we don't see the true picture when we're in the middle of it ... others do. Perhaps I just read too much into your post, but I can tell you one thing - Too many people try to fix relationships with babies and that's not right!!! I'm not implying that that is what you're doing - I'm simply suggesting that no matter how small or big your problem(s) are, you have to sort them out before you continue to ttc. What if your boyfriend DOESN'T change his ways ...

I'm glad you managed to have a good chat about things though. Maybe that's what was needed. I know exactly what you're going through - that's why I thought what I did..... I've been there and got the T-shirt!!!

Good luck - hope it all works out and you get your BFP !

Emilia xx

 

[lainey]

Thanks for that, but no its not a baby to sort a relations FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FROM IT.

Like I said you cant judge someone or their relationship over a rant on a forum board.

 

[emilia]

I wasn't judging at all.

By the sound of things - you've got it sorted! Great!

Good luck
Emilia xx

 

[TipsyDipsy]

I'm sorry as well I didn't mean to upset or offend you.
You just painted this picture of your relationship as being unsupportive on your boyfriends part with him undervaluing you and spending all his time on the PS2, watching footy into the early hours and weekends doing his hobbies while you cook dinner and put it down next to him and him not even acknowledging it with a thankyou.
Reminded me of the film Shirley Valentine.
The way you described your relationship sounded one-sided and undervalued so can you blame people for drawing the conclusion that perhaps he wasn't ready if he spent so much on a new car for himself when he knew you were TCC?
You need to be a equal team to bring a baby up otherwise all his hobbies and past-times will create resentment.
I hope it was just you letting off steam and I really didn't mean to offend you. I just think sometimes potential problems are best addressed before and not after.

 

[lainey]

I cant see where I ever painted that picture, or where I said my partner was unsuportive.

Interested in his PS2 and Racing yes, but unsupportive - NO


As for Shirly Valentine its nothing like it but again my point entirely about judging someone off afew things on a forum. Plus I dont think EVER i would let a relationship go to the extent where I speak to a wall non stop. I love my man but get peeved off at "sometimes" coming 2nd best to Pro Action Football and was having a rant about it !!!

As for resentment with his hobbies and a baby, I stated in my first post that we are both TTC and want a baby very much hence the long time TTC. We are both mature adults with a house and other commitments so I wouldnt take TTC a baby and bringing it into this world lightly if I thought for one moment my partner wasnt ready.

The reason I have got extremely annoyed about this post was that it was a rant and me letting off steam about a PS2, Racing and SKy Sports, - I think typical scenarios a normal couple would rant over What I didnt expect was being judged about TTC a child and my partner being accused of not being ready for a baby.


Perhaps we should agree to not disagree, but ppl commenting on whether I should have a baby due to my post and a few pathetic flaws in a relationship really bothered me especially when none of uz know me or my partner.

 

[emilia]

Lainey... I think you're being a bit hard with us.... here's a few things that my have helped me form my own opinion....

"I cant even be bothered arguing about it and I do my own thing."

"I end up going up to my bedroom to watch tv, where i remain there from after tea time to bedtime and then fall asleep."

"I have actually contemplated leaving him over this now."

"I think am at the end of my tether with it all"

All of the above made me think that you need supportive feedback. Ofcourse I don't know you from Adam, but I can however see that it's not just a minor issue/rant.
We're mostly woman on here and often share similar experiences.... I can't see how we've judged you, your partner or your relationship! Perhaps we're just suggesting something that you don't want to hear...

I'm no reltionship/marriage councellor, but I have enough experience (married for nearly 16 years) to be able to tell you.... petty stuff can cause MAJOR damage ... hence....

" If you're having probs now, postpone ttc until you're sorted."

All the best

Emilia xx