On thursday night we started properly ttc. Went to sleep and woke up having just had the most horrible dream, where I'd had a baby - but instead of it being all cute and cuddly and soft and round, it was (I sound like an idiot now) evil. It's face was really pointy and sharp and it could speak at like 2 days old.
I was trying to be all proud of it, showing off my new baby to people but I just couldn't be excited about this baby who whenever I was alone with it insulted me and told me that he wished he'd never been born. Other details of the dream I can't - or don't want to remember. But there is the resounding memory of me going to sleep in the dream and thinking that I didn't want to wake up cos of the baby, and that it was such a huge mistake to have it.
Now, I'm just terrified. I know it's silly, and mainly from anxiety, thinking about things too much and just everything that's happened. But now I'm so concerned that I'm not doing the right thing trying to plan a pregnancy. Maybe I need more time. The more I think about it maybe I'm a bit premature ttc so soon.
x
I was trying to be all proud of it, showing off my new baby to people but I just couldn't be excited about this baby who whenever I was alone with it insulted me and told me that he wished he'd never been born. Other details of the dream I can't - or don't want to remember. But there is the resounding memory of me going to sleep in the dream and thinking that I didn't want to wake up cos of the baby, and that it was such a huge mistake to have it.
Now, I'm just terrified. I know it's silly, and mainly from anxiety, thinking about things too much and just everything that's happened. But now I'm so concerned that I'm not doing the right thing trying to plan a pregnancy. Maybe I need more time. The more I think about it maybe I'm a bit premature ttc so soon.
x
