I feel so depressed

[cassi]

I used to suffer from depression...really bad, I wont go into that cause im ashamed of some of the things I did and the people I hurt as a result.

But now I feel as though its all flooding back...I feel so depressed and I dont feel any love anymore...Of course I love Jakob with all my heart but I feel like I dont want to be in a relationship anymore, I feel like I just want to get away from everything....I am having constant anxeiety (sp?) attacks and feel sick to my stomach...I cant eat or sleep and I feel like crying all the time

 

[mummykay]

aaarw cassi, whats brought this on??
i dont have any advice im afraid, if i get upset i normally have a yell at OH or go shopping!!!
u could talk to ur HV or doctor, or ur OH if its to do with him?
U mite just b tired and need a good nights kip to see things clearer?

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

oh hunni
have u spoken to ur doctor about it ??
we are all here if u need to tlk hun

 

[mum2A&L]

i agree with the girls, have you mentioned this to your docs?

ever need to chat, we are only a pm away!

 

[cassi]

The docs never seem bothered...I dont know whats bought it on again...stuck in the house constantly maybe....Jakob is hard work at the best of times esp with his teething....i dono...
maybe if i pass y test last week il feel better?

 

[Melly+2]

talk to your hv bout it hun it is better than doing nothing, pm if you want to talk xx

 

[Jaidy]

Oh Cassi sorry to hear your feeling pants.

I have suffered with depression on and off since I was 13 and suffer with panic/anxiety attacks and am on medication to control it. I didnt want to start on the tablets again post pregnancy but thought it was for the best because I actually want a life!! I get so down when im not on them, dont want to go out etc and worry about everything.

Have you tried getting out the house regulary, even if its just for a walk? I know I have to get out every day because otherwise it feels like the 4 walls are coming in on me!! Do you have any other friends that have babies that you could invite over or meet for coffee? I find keeping busy is a good way to fight depression, but id recommend going to your doctors if you feel that low. You dont need to struggle hunny, there is no issue with being on antidepressants, they might just be the pep up you need

 

[cassi]

Did the tablets help? I dont think Im prepared to go see a doctor who will tell me to "talk to someone" who will then tell me to "go back to the root of the problem and resolve it from there" . The last thing I want at the moment is to have to bring up things from my past. I know when it started especially the anxiety attacks, they started when I was about 7 but I readlly dont want to go into that, and then more and more things made it worse. And now I have a Fiance that would do anything for me, we both have jobs and money to buy a new house soon, a new car...so many people keep saying "you're sorted" ... But how can everything be so good if I still feel so down all the time?

I just dont know what to do anymore. I find it so hard to trust...I even find it hard to trust myself. I feel like just leaving everything so I dont have anyone to hurt, because I always end up hurting people.. I can never let go of my past and that is what is dragging me down...Maybe hypnotherapy? I really dono....Im not going to let myself slip like I did before...I have a responsibility now, and he will always come first.
But right now I just feel like I need to get away from all this....

 

[Dee1985]

Cassi the doc will give you tabets and what make you talk to someone its only if you want too x x

 

[Redshoes]

Sorry to hear you're feeling low cassi
Do whatever you have to that helps you feel better, it might not be seeing the doctor right now, but talking to people on here, and finding which way works for you
Talking about your feelings is a great first step, don't feel like you're not achieving positive steps, because you are, just by starting this thread

 

[Alfiesmummy]

ah cassi u ok hunny? I know iv spoke to u a little bit about this but i just wanted to say i hope your ok and give you this keep smiling hunny

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Ive lived with depression my whole life, and I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to bring up the past even though you know its the root.

I used to be under such a dark cloud, like you im ashamed of a lot of the stuff ive done over the years and the people ive let down, its not an excuse but I was just so messed up I didnt think right about things.

Just wanted you to know your not alone

I am with an amazing man who would do anything for me and I would for him, we have bought our dream house, we both have good jobs etc etc, and I am happier than ive ever been in my whole life - but I still have bad days and night terrors brought on by anxiety.

I have found that talking helps, I either call a friend for a natter or chat to someone om msn. I try not to talk to OH about it too much because I dont want him to think im unhappy, he makes me very very happy, its just this little black cloud that still hovers in the background and probably always will.

If you want to chat please pm me xxx

 

[Jaidy]

The tablets do definately help hunny, well they have for me they really do keep me sane and help me to lead a 'normal' life and that can only be a good thing. It might be worth a bash chick?

Id go to your Doc, like Dionne says they wont make you go and talk to someone unless thats the route you want to take.

PM me if you wanna chat some more sweet

 

[cassi]

Thankyou all very much for you're support...and thankyou for everyone who sent pm's, talked to me on msn etc it is a massive help.

I have decided to go it alone, I'm not happy and I dont want to keep forcing myself to think I am and pretending because it will just end up finishing badly. Im not sure what im entitled to, but any help would be appriciated. I only earn £740 a month and childcare fee's there would cost not much less than what I earn even with the staff discount. I have seen some nice flats there is a new one in swindon for £450 p/m which I dont think is that bad? Just need to work out if I can afford it..
Alan will of course help me. He is really upset but if I leave it, Im only going to make things worse, I constantly argue with him and I just cant do it anymore.

Thanks again
Cassie xx

 

[Alfiesmummy]

Cass u ok? go with your heart hun, here n e time u need k hun

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

i know i sed it on msn but if u ever need to tlk etc hun im here
and i may be able to help a bit with the hole working thin

 

[cassi]

after a long very hard day we talked and decided to keep on at it, instead of throwing it all away...im still going to go to the doctors and see someone about my depression and hopefully it will help. we are going to try and spend more time together when Alan has his days off too.

 

[Alfiesmummy]

im pleased your making a go hun and getting things sorted, i hope things start getting better hunni xxx here if you need you know that already

 

[foxymum]

aww sorry your going through this cassi
my sister suffers from axiety & depression & it flared up recently, she had to have her tablets increased from the doctors & now she seems fine.
she also has no worries really, no kids yet, gets married in may, but feels shit all the time.

glad you're gonna work things through with Alan.
good luck & we are all here for you

 

[cassi]

thankyou all very much