I dont know what to do anymore

[Mrs_Jay]

I did a virus scan on my pc today and found 2 viruses on my OH's Temporary Internet Folder. so i looked on his account to see what sites he could have been looking on to get a virus.

and there was pages and pages of larger woman porn.

we talked about this before we got married coz i found some on his phone and i said that i didnt like it and that it made me feel like i wasnt enough for him. so he swore to me that hed stop.

so he's lied. worse still is that he must have been doing this late at night when hes meant to be feeding our son.

i dont know what to do, but i feel betrayed

 

[Snuggle]

The only thing you can do is talk to him about it and explain how it makes you feel. Men are very visual creatures and looking at this stuff doesnt mean you're not enough for him, men just love to look!

 

[Charlotte & Emily]

im sorry to hear this hun
It would be best to sit him down and have a long chat to him and tell him how you really feel, i.e. betrayed.
Im sure you are enough for him, you are a very beautiful girl
my ex used to watch coloured women porn (sorry if this offends anyone, im not sure how to political correctly phrase it)
men just like to look at different things every so often!

Im always here and on msn if you want to chat

 

[jenna]

so sorry hun Id just tell him youve found it and ask him to explain. Guys can be such a** H**** at times!

 

[MissGobby]

hun i know how you feel, DF used to have them on his phone and i used to hate it, it used to make me feel like i wasnt enough for him - that he preferred these gorgeous, slim, blonde, big boobed women to me and it hurt!!!!

i also found porn DVD's down at his camp when i went to visit him and i made him promise he wouldnt watch them anymore and not have it on his phone, he hasnt had any on his phone anymore BUT is still watching it - which really bloody hurt me!!!

but after telling you all about it on here - i realised it is just natural for men to watch it and that it doesnt mean they dont love us/want us!!

iv (kind of) accepted it now, he tells me how much he loves me and at least he doesnt have it on his phone or near me - only when he is away back down at camp!!!

i know its awful hun - if you wanna talk you know where i am

 

[Mrs_Jay]

i talked to him about it and he said its because hes been frustated that we havent done it for a while. and that hes sorry blah blah blah.

 

[Sherry]

Hi Claire
I went through this with my Hubby, at first it didnt bother me too much untill I realised he was deleting the history every day. I realised that every chance he got he was looking at mainly large, older women but more or less any kind. Now I am not old and certainly not as big as the women he was/probably still is looking at. We had countless arguments. His excuses ranging from not getting enough from me, its just fantasy and I am reality (got me thinking I wasnt enough or what he really wanted). He was addicted to looking at it, and I was addicted to checking if he had looked at it . Drove me bloody mad.
I tried allsorts to stop him looking at it. Thing is we cant. I am no prude and told him I would watch porn with him as long as its not the big, old ones. It can be quite a turn on watching and getting excited together. Not everyone has my view though and its what you feel comfortable with.
The way I see it is, men think with their d***s and no matter how upset it makes us they will still look at it, whether they get it little or often.
There is no point him saying he wont look at it again because he probably will. I know thats not what you want to hear but I have come round to that way of thinking. Its whether you can deal with it or not.
But anyway lots of cause I know how your feeling right now.
xx

 

[Sabrina]

Hi Claire

just wanted to post some hugs and say I sympathise with what you are feeling. I had a very similar thing with my OH.

I think to some extent it IS just men being men. They do seem to have different brains to women and can detach what they see in pictures from their real life (most of the time). The thing is it hurts US when we find out that's what turns them on.

I have stopped checking my OH's laptop (he actually put a password on it as he knew I was checking all the time) and I have had to trust him. If he does it now then it's not very often and I have to turn a blind eye to it. I just end up tying myself in knots otherwise.

It's actually reassuring to see how many other women have similar issues with their OHs. Just goes to show it's not so unusual.

I hope that all makes sense.

 

[Tasha20]

To be honest its just a visual thing for men and im sure it wasnt meant to upset you, or try and betray you in anyway.

Id rather my other half look at porn any day than go out and look for it

 

[Mrs_Jay]

theres just so much of it. and hes saved pics, vids and links to the hard drive too. and been on here looking at it EVERY night.

and he tried to use my PND against me, saying thats why im reacting so badly. and that i need help.

 

[Bee]

my OH does this too and it winds me up -- he has videos of some female on his phone and on the laptop and thinks I don't know about them

doesn't help that he won't go anywhere near me half the time but he's happy to look at naked tarts.

Speak to him about it - he can't blame your PND

 

[jenna]

 

[Mrs_Jay]

thankyou ive calmed down a bit now

 

[jenna]

glad your feeling better I think its just a guy thing hun. My mum ( ) had the same problem with my dad and he used to blame her for it. Try not to worry yourself, he obviestly loves you and finds you attractive or he wouldnt be with you...

 

[Mrs_Jay]

glad your feeling better I think its just a guy thing hun. My mum ( ) had the same problem with my dad and he used to blame her for it. Try not to worry yourself, he obviestly loves you and finds you attractive or he wouldnt be with you...

yeah think im starting to realise that, tho.. doesnt mean i have to like it. and ive banned him from my computer

 

[jenna]

 

[NooNoo]

I have been through this with my ex I wont drone on about but if you wanna chat PM me

 

[trixipaws]

i think most men look at porn, i'd be worried about a man who didnt...!
my OH doesnt hav stashes of it, but freely admits he looks at it, and even goes on dating websites and chatrooms; but its just light-hearted fun and i'm fine with it- and like tasha said, if he's only doing that he's not out cheating on me so its all good!
sometimes i think they view it for entertainment, rather than actually getting off on it (my OH and his mates piss themselves laughing at poo porn- altho they think its gross!) when u say larger ladies do u mean really obese women? if so it might be that he's just curious or amused by it?