I don't give a flying....

[nicejuicypear]

fuck! (Not sure what the filter will change this word to!)

But really, don't tell me about your bloody baby news. I don't care if I seem selfish or uncharitable but I don't actually give a shit about your baby, because it's not mine.

It's mainly my cousin - my other cousin, her brother, has got his girlfriend pregnant and they are still in college. They are keeping it and they all know I've had IVF and miscarriages this year. But my cousin still feels the need to tell me about whats happening with them. I haven't told her not to as such, but she said at the start she realised how it might upset me and none of them wanted to do that but she sends me jokey texts about her mum becoming a grandma and how our mutual gran is looking forward to being a great-gran.

I am really short with her in response without being outright unpleasant about it. Sometimes i just ignore those texts. I know she's excited about her brother being a dad and her becoming an auntie but I don't want to know and she doesn't take the hint.

I know it's selfish to not care about them, but it's self-preservation. I do all sorts to distract myself from thinking about my miscarriages and babies and looming due dates and getting random messages about my cousin and his baby who is due days before my second one would have been is a kick in the guts. Getting a text about their 20 week scan just reminds me that it would be my 20 week scan next week, getting a text about gender reminds me that I'd be able to find out mine now.

I know that if I eventually get pregnant I'll want people (including them) to be happy for me, which makes me a hypocrite. But I don't care about that either.

I don't even care if you all think I'm a bad person for thinking like this, I just needed somewhere to rant that isn't amongst people who actually know me.

 

[Browneyed Girl]

Big hugs hun, i know how you feel - it is so hard to hear about other peoples pregnancies when all you want is to be pregnant yourself. A friend of mine is due to give birth now and I can't even bear to contact her, I'm already dreading seeing the photos on FB and having to visit once the baby's born. I think I've seen her 3 times during her pregnancy because I could barely hold it together the first time and ended up breaking down when I got home. I decided that I wouldn't put myself through that again if possible. I feel awful but she knows I've had a mc and been trying to get pg for a long time so I think she is keeping her distance to not upset me. She shouldn't have to and I do feel bad about it but for my own mental state it is necessary.

Maybe you could tell your cousin politely that you'd rather not hear all the details as you're going through a difficult time. If she has any sensitivity she will share her excitement with someone else.

Sorry you're feeling like this xxx

 

[her13]

i dont think your a bad person . i often feel like this but just dont say it. i can be really bitter some days. everyones getting pregnant on my facebook at the mo and having babys and its pissing me off this time of the year is the worst i get very emotional or very angry. its understandable your like that too, maybe u do need to be blunt with her people that know me well know i dont like to hear about babys or peoples pregnancys i would not be happy if someone was texting me like your cousin is xxx i feel for you

 

[Cosmogirl7]

My sil was pregnant during ttc and my first mc and I found it so hard. She didn't even know we were trying or that I miscarried but I'm ashamed to say I hated her during her pregnancy and really struggled to listen to her or hear things about the baby. I must say when the baby arrived it was like all my horrible feelings disappeared and I love our little niece to bits and I actually feel so guilty now for avoiding my sil so much during her pregnancy. I've now told her about our struggles and my 2 miscarriages and we're much closer again. You just need take your time and you'll get there when you can. It seems to be pregnant people that bother me more than people with kids xxx

 

[nicejuicypear]

Thanks for all the replies ladies, I haven't been on much lately as I've been distracting myself with Christmas.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels bitter about it. I try not to, as I know it's no-one's fault and it's not as if they have done it to hurt me or anything but I do feel quite bitter and jealous. My cousin who kept texing me stuff has stopped now, probably because I started ignoring any comments about the pregnancy.

 

[miss_soldier]

I can relate!! The hide button on Facebook is my favourite thing xx

 

[Rose83]

The day before yesterday I logged into FB to find that one of my oldest friends (who knew nothing about me ttc) had just posted her 12 week scan announcing her lite bean in the oven. I say and sobbed my heart out because she must have for pregnant the same week I did with my first m/c. I couldn't help but think that that had been mine and my OH's plan to announce at Christmas and how happy we were and now we've had it taken from us twice. I'm obviously happy for my friend but it's so devastating to see someone get everything so easily when you're in so much pain yourself. I think it's ok to feel like that some of the time because its natural x

 

[nicejuicypear]

Rose, I know exactly how you feel, that's what happened with my cousin. They are due a week before my second miscarriage and they went and told our grandma in the half term holiday, the week I was planning to see her to tell her about my pregnancy.

They have been good and kept everything off facebook though. I don't know if he's not posting or if he's blocking me from seeing but I'm grateful for not being able to see it all. It was more his sister who was getting on my nerves about it.

I have one friend on facebook who posts pregnancy stuff all the time and I don't mind because she's been through a few rounds of IVF to get there and I'm really happy she's finally made it. Also, she asked me if I wanted her to filter me out which I said no to because I know how much she's been through to get there.