How would you handle this situation?

[Krystal]

Hello

I have a bit of a problem with my MIL, she is lovely (thats not the problem btw ) she loves Jack and helps us out whenever possible which I really appreciate. I don't have my Mam with me anymore so I love the fact Jack has his Grandma who dotes on him so much. I get on well with her and we are going on holiday with her and FIL in August.

Anyway there is 1 problem that is really bothering me, drives me crazy in fact. She is a massive worrier! I mean everything, if she cuddles Jack she starts getting into a flap thinking she is going to make him overheat He is either too hot/cold, not enough clothes/too many clothes. He just has to be a little grumpy and there is something up with him. He's had a bad chest this week and she wanted me to take him to A&E with a bloody cough

I put a blanket underneath his sheets this week to raise him a little and she started going on how it would prevent Jack breathing in the night etc.

I have been ignoring it and slowly but surely it is getting worse and worse with her questioning everything that we do I know she means well and she is a born worrier and really doesn't mean to offend but it feels as though she is questioning my parenting skills. I know if I brought it up with her she would feel awful as i'm sure she doesn't mean it in that way. She see's it as helping but she is becoming suffocating.

I don't like saying anything to OH cos it's his Mam and I hated it if anyone criticized my Mam so I try not to put him in that position. Normally I am fairly outspoken person and if there is something I don't agree with I will bring it up straight away but I don't know how to without making it into a big deal. I don't want to offend her cos I like her and get on well with her and like I said before she is only doing this out of kindness.

It's getting to point where I am starting to get annoyed by her though

How would you handle it?

And thanks for reading didn't mean it to be so long

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Why not handle it gently then as you all get on so well - just go around and have a cuppa with her and just mention it to her, youve nticed she worries a lot and you know its out of kindness and her love for jack, but she really doest need to panic as you would know if something was wrong and you dont want jack panicing about everything as he egts older -this happened with my sister and shes batty about the slightet stuff now!

She sounds lovely but smothering - just be dead nice to her and explain you are not critising her!

 

[trixipaws]

ooh, i dont kno i probably wouldnt handle it very well i'd have to tell her! my mum's like that and we sometimes make fun of her a bit try not to tho its ok in small doses! either bite ur lip, or tell her, or get OH 2 tell her? good luck! x xx

 

[SarahH]

Oh Krystal, that could have been me that wrote that out.

I just ignore my MIL and after a while she gets bored of it, before she finds something else to worry about!

 

[Krystal]

Mrs Tommo - I have thought about saying it like that to her tbh, I just don't know how to actually start the conversation iwkwim. I guess I could wait for her to panic over something (prob won't have to wait long ) then say something like that.

TP - I can't bite my lip, i'm actually rather impressed with myself so far, I have a gob like the tyne tunnel normally I thought about getting OH to say something but I don't want her to feel it's become such a big issue that we've been discussing it at home if that makes sense.

Sarah - as above I really can't normally keep quiet about it - you know me, not the silent type Plus when we go on holiday together I know it's going to be a nightmare so trying to sort before then.

Ahhhh nightmare

 

[mamichuli]

I think yo have answered your own question, really. Wait until she panics over something and then bring it up, as suggested by mrs tommo. Thing is, i wouldnt wait tooooo long, coz, as you say it is beginning to get to you and if you are anything like me, you will lose your temper with her over something quite unimportant. That really would be unfair, as she is well intentioned.

Go for it kid, she will be fine with it!



Lisa

 

[Krystal]

Thanks Lisa I think I will try and see how she reacts, lets hope it doesn't become a big issue though

 

[Mrs_Jay]

if shes as lovely as you say she is then she shouldnt take it as a big issue and just realise that she over worries sometimes. i hope you sort things out

 

[bobtheunfortunateone]

I would try and nip it in the bud, my MIL is a wittler, see has had every illness under the sun, now my hubby wittles to, but at least he knows that.

Next time she worries just say something like he is lucky he has a granny that cares so much, but no need to worry because he as a careful mum! or something, try not to mock her

hard one

 

[Krystal]

Thanks hun, I haven't brought anything up so far. Not directly anyway but if she's ever got a bit too overpowering with it i've just politely told her to stop worrying etc. Will see how it goes.

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

I would agree with the first reply too - if you get on really well and you're very tactful I'm positive she'll be fine. As someone else said, if you bottle it up, the danger is that you'll really blow up one day and then it'll make things worse.

I've just spent a weeks hols with my inlaws and was getting to the point where I was getting pretty annoyed (not for the same reasons as you but similarly because they have some very different ideas to me, and they were sometimes making comments and contradicting me infront of my 5 year old who is old enough to take advantage of the situation). Luckily we don't see them much but if we did I think I would have to speak to them about it.

All the best, sure it will be all fine - just try and be as sensitive as you can.