How to cope with fertility issues

[liz85]

Hey ladies!! Another rant from me. My ttc journey is getting longer and longer. Another failed month. Iv lost count of how many actual cycles Iv been trying as my cycle length changes. I’m finding it hard to stay motivated. Any body have any good tips on trying to stay positive and also trying to forget about it all. I’m told so many times to forget about it and just get on with life and it will happen. But I can’t seem to do the forget part very well xxx

 

[xMillie]

So sorry, it is really hard. Wish I had some tips but I'm rubbish and struggling myself!!

Some find a holiday works, they forget about ttc and end up pregnant after

I only ever got pregnant when I completely stopped caring
Just can't seem to do that again..

Hopefully someone here has some good tips for us xx

 

[liz85]

Hey Millie thanks x I’d love to know how to just forget. After many months and years trying it’s almost the norm going cycle by cycle. Hope we get our bfp soon and can enjoy pregnancy. Id love and Xmas bfp x

 

[xMillie]

It would be nice for once to just not have to worry about ovulation!
Even when I tell myself not to bother caring or don't opk it's still there in the back of my mind that it could be fertile week

A xmas bfp would be perfect
Hopefully we get one xx

 

[MoominGirl]

How do I cope with fertility issues? The first answer that comes to mind is I don't really I think I just do enough to keep my head up and get through life. Currently I'm going though a bad phase, really haven't felt this low about it all in a while. I know I'll come round again but it takes time.

I actually found it ok getting through the investigations and stuff as I sort of felt it was like ticking things off the list and that kept me going. Now there's nothing left to investigate, I've started taking it quite hard again

Really for about the first 2 years I was fairly patient and pretty laid back about it all. The last year or so has been tough in generally with some really low points emotionally. I try and keep busy which really does help and gives me other things to focus on. I like to be doing things so that's not hard for me. Also it's been really important that me and OH have been totally honest with each other the whole way through about what we think is our next move etc. Also, we've always said there's no me or him, just us and every problem we've faced we've treated as much as my problem as his and vice versa. How our relationship still feels this strong after all this time, I've no idea but it's certainly a positive that I focus on.

I think though I'm now having to accept that IVF is our likely next step. Not where I want us to be but it is what it is.

If anyone else has any words of wisdom about coping with fertility issues generally, I would love some tips.

 

[LuckyLaura]

hugs Moomingirl! I think it's a tough journey for all and it doesn't get better with time that's for sure. I'm going insane so any ideas for coping would be amazing xx

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[Alexis2017]

Yeah I think you just get out of bed and keep going. I was at the local village shop and the guy behind the till said to me I look depressed. I then walked back to tne house with the dog trying not to cry. I actually think this is the lowest I have felt. I think having to work in a small team with someone pregnant past 9 months then for that person to go on mat leave and another girl anounce shes pregnant has made it very tough for me. I really thought ot would be my turn next. I would say that this situation has been the thing thats made me find the fast few months much more difficult. I watch them grow every day and talk about it when the whole time it's what I am fighting to achieve. It's like rubbing it in my fave even though I know they are not but kinda annoys me as both girls caught the egg easily as they have said and have no idea what this feels like.

 

[MoominGirl]

I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not but unless I'm at home I really do hide my feelings really well. After what started as a joke, I had 2 colleagues convinced that I was in no way ready for children!! Getting pretty good with my cover stories haha. Most of the time if I'm busy doing things I'm fine. It's when I get a chance to think about things or if it's been building up, I can let it out at home.

This month, I'm swapping Pregnacare for Tesco's own just cos they're cheaper. Conceive Plus for Preseed just cos I think it's worth a try. Carrying on with OPKs mainly so I know when AF is due. Also stopping reflexology as although it's nice, I really don't think it's affecting my chances in any way whatsoever. Going to continue with the acupuncture for a bit longer but if I don't see improvements in my cycles over the next couple of months, I'll be dropping that too. It's difficult for me to pass a fair judgement on whether it's right for me as my periods have changed so much since having the polyp removed.

 

[LuckyLaura]

Yeah I think you just get out of bed and keep going. I was at the local village shop and the guy behind the till said to me I look depressed. I then walked back to tne house with the dog trying not to cry. I actually think this is the lowest I have felt. I think having to work in a small team with someone pregnant past 9 months then for that person to go on mat leave and another girl anounce shes pregnant has made it very tough for me. I really thought ot would be my turn next. I would say that this situation has been the thing thats made me find the fast few months much more difficult. I watch them grow every day and talk about it when the whole time it's what I am fighting to achieve. It's like rubbing it in my fave even though I know they are not but kinda annoys me as both girls caught the egg easily as they have said and have no idea what this feels like.

That must be so tough Alexis. I would definitely be the same with listening to that all the time and watching them. It's completely natural. I struggle enough seeing glimpses of pregnancy announcements from acquaintances on fb tbh. Or that we bumped into someone with their 2 month old FIFTH child two days ago and she was a beautiful little squishy girl. I'd love a girl I'd love a boy too but I always wanted a girl cuz I'm close to my mum and I wanted that with a daughter too.

I guess the problem is there's no sure ways of coping. Even something that works one day might not work the next xx

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[MoominGirl]

Yeah I think you just get out of bed and keep going. I was at the local village shop and the guy behind the till said to me I look depressed. I then walked back to tne house with the dog trying not to cry. I actually think this is the lowest I have felt. I think having to work in a small team with someone pregnant past 9 months then for that person to go on mat leave and another girl anounce shes pregnant has made it very tough for me. I really thought ot would be my turn next. I would say that this situation has been the thing thats made me find the fast few months much more difficult. I watch them grow every day and talk about it when the whole time it's what I am fighting to achieve. It's like rubbing it in my fave even though I know they are not but kinda annoys me as both girls caught the egg easily as they have said and have no idea what this feels like.

That must be so tough Alexis. I would definitely be the same with listening to that all the time and watching them. It's completely natural. I struggle enough seeing glimpses of pregnancy announcements from acquaintances on fb tbh. Or that we bumped into someone with their 2 month old FIFTH child two days ago and she was a beautiful little squishy girl. I'd love a girl I'd love a boy too but I always wanted a girl cuz I'm close to my mum and I wanted that with a daughter too.

I guess the problem is there's no sure ways of coping. Even something that works one day might not work the next xx

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I think that's true about coping as my emotions do seem to change with my cycle but also I find that I have gone through a lot of 'phases' as well.

Overall I feel extremely negative right now (probably the worst I've felt). I think it's because we've been through so much I'm just drained emotionally and I just don't believe we have a hope in hell any more.

In an effort to find some sort of positivity in my pit of misery, I've decided to try a slightly different approach (for the 100th time ). I've contacted the GP to try and get the ball rolling with another referral to fertility. Also considering going to the fertility show in London this weekend as I want an opportunity to try and get some of the answers that I should have got from the previous fertility appointment I think I want to accept IVF as our next step but I need a better understanding as currently I feel like I'm in limbo.

Gonna carry on with the vitamins but not going crazy as I don't think they're really doing anything, I just feel like I'm doing something. Stopping the reflexology as I truly think it's a waste of time. Just need to word a 'thanks but no thanks text' as the reflexology is perfectly nice but it sure as hell isn't going to get me pregnant. I'm going to stick with the acupuncture a bit longer though I don't think I'm sold on that either. I think now that 2 day periods appear to be the new norm for me since having the polyp removed, I'm not convinced the acupuncture is doing anything either. I think I'm going to ask her to focus on the pain and the clotting so I can see if it improves. If not, I'm stopping that too. I'm just fed up sinking so much money into this. The other part of the plan is to make sure me and OH have plenty to look forward to so the money can be so much better spent. Booked a trip to Rome for next year.

 

[snaggercelli]

Hey ladies!! Another rant from me. My ttc journey is getting longer and longer. Another failed month. Iv lost count of how many actual cycles Iv been trying as my cycle length changes. I’m finding it hard to stay motivated. Any body have any good tips on trying to stay positive and also trying to forget about it all. I’m told so many times to forget about it and just get on with life and it will happen. But I can’t seem to do the forget part very well xxx

Hi Liz,

I'm sorry you're struggling. It's so hard, isn't it? We've been ttc for over 3 years now and we're waiting to begin IVF. Meanwhile friends are getting pregnant all over the place (and I know for a fact that there hasn't been any struggle for them). It's hard to stay positive sometimes. I don't know if it's helpful, but I'm going to share my recent experiences in case you can take anything from it.

I felt like I hit rock bottom end of August/beginning of September. I was really low, really anxious, and had lost any semblance of positivity. It felt like a real crisis point.

A conversation with a colleague convinced me to start acupuncture, so I made an appointment straight away. It was a massive help, for a few reasons:

1) it was something of a counselling session as well as an acupuncture session. The acupuncturist specialises in fertility, so he is very understanding of the processes and the emotions and it's very easy to talk to him about how I'm feeling without fear of being judged or worrying that I'm being boring.
2) He made me see that my stress could actually be managed, with breathing exercises, positive visualisations, and things like yoga and meditation. I started using the Headspace app in the evenings to wind down, started practicing deep breathing, and found that my sleep began to improve which has made me feel better.
3) It prompted me to look for other supports, so I went back to an old counsellor from a few years ago who had helped me, and also went for some fertility massage which was deeply soothing - and also felt proactive.
4) Finally, it is 30 minutes to just lie quietly and relax each week.

It's been about 10 weeks now since I started all that and I feel in control of my situation again. I feel much calmer, and much more positive about things. I'm also finding that my hormones actually seem to be a bit more in control... I don't know if it's actually down to the acupuncture, but I've not had any of the usual debilitating hormonal headaches I used to get, and I feel like I'm generally on a more even keel.

I know that once IVF starts it's all going to get very stressful again, but I think it's really worth going for some alternative therapies if you're not doing so already. It's a way to relax, and it's an outlet to get things off your chest to someone who isn't your OH or friends which can be really helpful.

I've gone from feeling completely pessimistic about the whole thing to feeling really quite upbeat and positive, something I didn't think was possible!

Good luck xxx

 

[liz85]

Hello! Thanks for the tips. Iv always talked about doing acupuncture and never booked myself in for it. I think I might just do it. I’ll try anything at all at this rate. I’m tired of people asking me about babies and wondering why I haven’t had any yet. Once I have surgery I think my next step will be ivf. I’m glad your experience with the accupucture is a positive one. It is definitely worth a try even to just relax for half an hour. ESP if it helps with a negative mood . I tried to do a relaxation app but found it hard to concentrate and wind down. I’m a thinker and my minds constantly on the go. I hope you get your bfp very very soon. Xxx

 

[MoominGirl]

So I'm having a better day today. Had another acupuncture session and as snaggercelli says I actually got a lot out of just talking. Felt a bit drained after but I really needed to get some things off my chest. So I'm going to stick with it a bit longer. May be worth a shot Liz?

I met an ex colleague the other day who went on to tell me that she thought I'd have had a baby by now Yes I thought I'd be preparing for my second by now but yet here we are!! It's just frustrating as people really have no clue!! On a plus point, I got my fertility referral through and only have to wait a few weeks. Hopefully I'll see someone who isn't a complete idiot this time!! I'm telling myself that it can't possibly be worse so I'm feeling fairly positive right now.

 

[rachelD]

im not sure how long you have been ttc, for me it was 12 months the first time and by the end of it i was depressed, theres no other way to say it, people kept telling me to forget about it and it would happen but month after month i didnt catch. by the end of the 11th month i was ready to call it quits, im so lucky i didnt. on the 12th month i got pregnant with my now 4 year old monster dylan.

We are now trying for our second, and this time i am more relaxed, so i would say if your a religious person then just to have faith and the good lord will help you. he sure takes his time though.