How do you cope?? new mum and i need help :(

[keelie_b]

Im not sure where i should post this. My gorgeous baby boy is 11 days old and i cant believe the overwhelming love i feel for him.
Problem is im not coping with the lack of sleep. I'm breastfeeding and he wants to feed all the time i cant keep up with him. Midwife has been today and told me i've got to be cruel to be kind and make him hold off for 2 hours everytime so he is not happy and im not looking forward to tonight. Doctor thinks im approaching PND and has started me on some tablets to hopefully boost my moods. i just cry all the time and cant control it, i want to be able to sleep but feel like nothing will get better for months and months. Theres no question that i've not bonded with little Dylan i have and love him more than anything but seriously, how do new mums cope?
How do you do this cos sometimes i feel like i dont think i can?

 

[jills10uk]

have you an OH who can give you a break? i found in the 1st week or 2 i was the same, my OH would take Josh downstairs for me at about 8am and try and amuse him for as long as possible to give me a break. if he wasn't there i would stay in bed sometimes with the baby until 12pm!
it will get better, the 1st few weeks are very hard, but it does get better, and your body learns to cope with everything
i think that if your baby is hungry i would feed him rather than making him wait, he can't understand why he isn't getting fed when he is hungry.

 

[nori]

Oh hun its so hard the first couple of weeks as your hormones are all over the place. I think i cried every day for 14 days or more.. things WILL get better though once you have got yourself used to your LO and realise you CAN cope. I only did the breatfeeding in hospital really as my boobs were a mess as Ollie was on them constantly. I wish i had used a dummy sooner as it was the only thing that gave me a break. I would check that out before you do it though as you dont want the whole nipple confusion thing. Its easy for the midwife to say hold off feeding him.. she isnt the one with screaming baby!

I really do feel for all new mums (including myself lol) as its the most overwhelming experience in the world.. and damn hard work!

PM me anytime,

Claire x

 

[Magic Monkey]

The first few weeks are a killer, I would second the advice to try to get a break. My DH used to take LO downstairs from about 8 every night while I went to bed, and if I had a really bad night I would get my mum/mil to come round during the day so that I could get a bit of sleep. It was a godsend (in fact I still do it if we have a bad night!)

I didn't BF, but from reading things on here I would say that you mw is talking cr*p! BF babies have to feed on demand to establish your supply and all newborn babies have weeny tummies (the size of a walnut) so they need food little and often. I can't see that having a screaming baby is going to do anything to help with the way you are feeling, so I would go back to feeding when he is hungry. If you thinking he is just comfort sucking it may be worth trying a dummy to give you a break.

Have a look in the feeding and nutrition section for some brilliant advice from BF mummies (there is also a thread in ask a mum I think)

It does get easier I promise.

 

[ninjawomble]

My advice is dont try and do everything yourself! (obviously apart from the bfing, thats a given!)
Having a good support network, and taking some time out for you (even if its just a bath) can make the world of difference, its helped me no end

 

[poochielove]

thats how i felt to begin with! I tried to be super woman, not only did i have no sleep but as OH was still at work i changed every nappy, did every bath did all the housework and cooking...the house was spotless! I should have been kipping really when he did and OH was trying to help but i wouldnt let him after about a week of that i broke down and let ppl takethe pressure off and realised that no one ever died of dust! I just felt like i had to be perfect and had something to prove. I still have to do all the nightfeeds as i am BFing but its gettin better now as hes in a routine...plus i kip in the day when he does!
Oh and for what its worth i had the same issues with the constant feeding and was so tired and frustrated. I was told not to introduce a dummy as it may interfere with him latching on. But my instincts sort of kicked in and i gave him one as i just new he was comfort sucking and things are a million times better as he just needs something to suck to get him sleep. He still wakes every 3 hours but my nipples arnt sore anymore and suprisingly am now used to the lack of sleep!

 

[*CLAIREBEAR*]

hi keelie,
im sorry i cannot offer any advice,but i hope you soon feel better,thanks for my PM,im here if you need a chat x x x x

 

[Grace'sMummy]

Hi

I'm sorry you feel rubbish, there are hopefully a few things you can do to make things a little easier

Can you feed your LO while you lay down in bed? While your LO feeds you can doze and relax. Your LO will also find being so close to you really calm and soothing. It was a lifesaver for me as I fed LO I could just drift off and chill! Your LO's feeding so much at the moment to get your milk supply up but I promise you it does get easier. My LO was almost constantly hanging from my boob in the early days and it was so tough, you feel like it's all you do, but it really does get easier.

Also forget about housework, get some really easy meals in or can OH cook? Don't try to be Wonder Woman - you've just had a baby and need to rest.

My MIL used to come and take LO out in the pram for a walk (very close by in case she woke up for a feed) I just used to have half an hour to myself for a bath or something - it doesn't sound like much but if you can snatch half an hour here and there for a little time to yourself it works wonders.

It will get better I promise - remember that you're not alone

 

[Sherlock]

Others have given good advice.

I'd concentrate on baby and you and let others help out with housework and so on for a while. Try feeding your LO in bed lying down and then when he is done just the closeness to you should be settling for him and hopefully both of you can sleep then. Also sleep when he sleeps, day or night. Don't try to run round the house doing things if he is sleeping during the day. You nap also.

Also as good as your MW's intentions are, I'd ignore the 2 hourly feed thing and go with the demand feeding. Its the only way to help build your supply to meet your baby's demand. He is only doing what is natural and he is hungry. No point trying to make him wait as all you'll have is one crying upset baby who just wants comfort and food and isn't getting it. He'll smell it on you and will of course try to feed and will be thwarted.

I'd just relax a little and just go with things for a while. Let the housework slide and have your OH help out. As others have said also, OH could take LO for an hour after he has had a good feed and let you nap. If LO is fussing then popping him in the pram and going out for a walk or some such should distract him enough from wanting your boob for a little while. My OH used to do this and I'd get a nap in.

If you introduce a dummy be careful. I'd personally advise to not use a flat dummy if breastfeeding and to get a nipple shaped one to help avoid nipple confusion. We used NUK ones from 3 weeks old to help with the comfort sucking. But I never left LO with it for hours on end or when sleeping etc. It was just to help get him off my boob after a feed and then to help with his colic. We never let it be something he had in constantly.

http://shop.nukbaby.co.uk/products.aspx?cID=24 NUK dummies, nipple shaped here

Your baby in these early weeks will have a number of growth spurts. They will mean he'll demand to feed more. This is normal and I'd go with it. His tummy is small and breast milk digests quicker than formula and so he'll want to feed more often.

As a Mum whose LO fed or was on my boob for about 20 hours out of 24 in the early weeks I do understand what you are going through. But it does pass. Its a case of learning to relax about the housework and other things and just going with the flow and learning to sleep when baby sleeps. I didn't sleep more than 2 hours a night for weeks. And hardly napped in the day. I was a wreck but I was also stubborn and made it through.

Breastfeeding does get easier. Demand feed, don't be afraid to have LO near you so he can smell you and be comforted after a feed. If this is in bed with him safely next to you then go for it. You could also try a sling as LO may just be wanting to be on your boob once he has fed as its comforting. So just being close will help then.

You sound like you are doing great so hang in there It really does get better and is so easy once these early weeks are passed with regards to not having to faff with bottles and making up formula in the night and so on.

Also I'd maybe give your hormones a chance to settle with regards to your mood. Also the lack of sleep can make you feel down and upset. I'd call this baby blues stage still atm but then your GP sees it otherwise. I was all over the place in the first 2 weeks with hormones settling down and low mood from tiredness. Once LO was more settled on the boob and so on and I was sleeping a bit better my mood did improve.

There is a breastfeeding FAQ in third tri here, some stuff in there may be of use to you viewtopic.php?f=5&t=104775

 

[Sandi4Paul]

my oh helped in the ear;y evening as he is a night owl and i am a morning person. I expressed in the morning and for the first night feed he woul give the bottle and i would sleep, it gave me about 4 hours continious sleep before starting the night feeds. We started that at a week old and didn't get nipple confusion.

Also get out and join mother and baby groups, it helped me so much to find out others went through the same and could give advice and support to help get through it.

Sandi

 

[Batie]

I feel for you - I felt like that too - my little girl is 10 weeks old now and I found it ever such a shock in the beginning. I thought, naively, that babies fed for half an hour and would then sleep for 3 hours to give me some peace and me time! How wrong I was!

I really thought I wouldn't be able to cope and this was with a really supportive OH who would take Gracie away for a few hours to give me a break.

I will echo everyone else's comments, it won't stay like this forever - it will get better, your milk supply does need to settle down, however I introduced a dummy at 5 days - with no problems, no nipple confusion at all - it's a godsend for comfort to the wee poppet. I would also say there is the option of providing a formula top up - I know this won't be a popular option by many, however you have to keep your own sanity too and if it gives you an extra hour of respite and sleep it may be an option ( I have been sucessfully bf'ing and one formula top up in the evening for 10 weeks...no nipple confusion - so some babies are very adaptable).

Try and relax and just concentrate on feeding your little one on demand - I would say 11 days is a bit early to diagnose PND, I had bad baby blues during weeks 1-3, gradually getting better, crying less and feeling more in control - but it was a process and took a while. I'm fine now - so you may be too in a little while - 11 days with a baby is not very long to get used to the whole experience - cut yourself plenty of slack and clear your diary for at least 6 weeks - concentrate on you and your baby and bonding and all the rubbish day time TV you can take with your feet up!

Hope you feel better soon x

 

[Melly+2]

Motherhood is scary at the best of times, i find it overwhelming still sometimes and my little one is 2. I think alot of it is to do with the fact that you are responsible for this little person as they cant fend for themselves and just they fact they rely on you so much is a hard thing to come to terms with. I can gaurentee you are not the first to feel like this, and if im honest i think nearly all prents will have felt this at some point after having kids, its only natural.
Dont worry about the house work, screw it, the main priority is you and your baby and the house work can wait, or ask for some help from a close friend or family, even if its just to look after baby for half an hour while you sleep or tidy up, dont feel ashamed if you have to ask for help. Im one of these people that never takes any help when its offered and you know what i wish i did sometimes as i really need it. Ioften feel like i shouldnt need to rest and should be able to do everything and be like some sort of super human when it comes to keeping the house spotless, but thats not the case, alot of the time my house is a shite tip.
As for the feeding, it should calm down in a few weeks, i found this so hard to cope with when feeding Hope but it does settle, the baby is just trying to get your suply up to meet with his needs thats all. Try and sleep when he does during the day, i cant recomend this enough, i still do this now and it makes me feel so much better.
What your feeling is normal, becoming a mum is a massive change in your lif e and your bound to feel over whelmed, but i can assure you your doing a great job and it all just takes time to settle down, im here if you need a talk

 

[lea m]

I cant really say anymore than all the other lovely ladies here have but I wanted to say, give yourself a break hun!
Of course you are tired! Your not superwomen but your a super mum and don't you forget that!
Sleep when babs is asleep! Who cares if the pots aren't washed and your washing is piling up a bit!? That's something that can get done later or someone else can do for you!
Try and grab a few long relaxing baths and don't constantly worry that you are needed! While baby is asleep he doesn't care where you are! (I remember feeling that I had to rush a bath and other things just in case they woke up!)

Having your first baby is the biggest most overwhelming experience in your life! Everything in you life changes and it take a while to get back on track! It does this with every women and we all feel/felt the same as you so your not alone! Your doing everything right! Just dont be so hard on yourself hun!

 

[clarey]

Oh honey, you are doing a great job, its still very early days so be kind to yourself.
Everyone has given you great advice, I will just say this: the one thing I wish I had done in the first few weeks after Eva was born was to bed in with her as often as poss, I thought I had to get back to 'normal' but now I wish I had just treasured those early days cos they go so fast. If I had a good excuse to lay in bed cuddling and dozing and feeding my baby today I would like a shot lol it would be more like a wrestling match now she is on the move

Take it easy and it will all get easier, 6 weeks seems to be the make-or-break point with breastfeeding, its all so much easier after a few weeks, hang in there x

 

[keelie_b]

thanks all for the great advice and support. i really needed it. im now over 3 weeks in and feeling much better. i really didnt think a could cope in those first 2 weeks but now im doing ok. have moments of feeling overwhelmed but im getting there. i know im a good mum and my little boys doing fantastic and is so happy. motherhood came as a shock i never expected it to be easy but nothing could have prepared me for how hard it is. i have new respect for mums everywhere xx