Hmm... here seems to be a good place to rant

[glitzyglamgirl]

Hi gaby, im afraid you might not like this but you have to be prepared for these kinds of comments, its a reaction that many people will have - especially those that care about you and your wellbeing. Its not meant to hurt you, but it is a concern that many people will share regardless of other factors.

Personally I wouldnt plan a baby if I didnt think we could support him/her - we are both in good jobs and own our own house, but if we had met say 10 years ago when I was out of work and struggling on benefits - I really cant say for sure what my desicion would have been.

I think that when you truly love someone and can see a long future, present financial circumstances dont always come into it and in an ideal world we would all be ready for a baby when we want one - but the most prepared are never truly ready, when can anyone ever be? But when you are with the right person, when you want to bring a child into the world who is a part of you both and you know will be loved ts a strong urge that no amount of peer pressure or critisism can change.

I wish all the best I really do xxx

 

[Gaby]

thanks again jocymum I hope so too


glitzyglamgirl, i understand what you're saying. I know people dont want to upset me. My husband and i cant see ourselves owning a house in the near future (being about 10yrs) baby or not. He's working his way up the ladder jobwise though. Thanks for your best wishes

 

[jocymum]

glitzyglam- I agree with every word you typed, i think you are in the real world with this ! but if you look around this site there are loads of quite young women with loads of kids- struggling.
I just don't see why when someone wants a rant they get the kind of comment like the first one, if Gaby was already pregnant she would get support yet she just got nastiness because she is ttc..makes no sense to me.

 

[mummykay]

Its bein cruel to be kind in the long run, if Gaby is as unhappy in her financial and living situation as she says she is at the moment, is a child supposed to make it all better???

 

[Gaby]

That's not why i'm ttc at all. I'd never have a baby just to try to make myself better. I've been really broody since i was about 16. and my husband and i have been talking about this for over a year, even though we've just got married. We just want to bring another life into the world and care for it. Money helps, but it isnt everything.

 

[mummykay]

In that case I wish u luck with it all, I dont doubt that u will be good parents, I just know how hard it is when ur bringin a new baby into someone elses home rather than ur own, i have that every single day.

 

[Gaby]

Thanks It could be ages yet until we even get a bfp. DH's looking at a new job, so we may be able to afford to rent somewhere soon Plus if i really begged him my dad would give us money. he offered to give me money for xmas presents but i turned it down. Silly pride

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I wish u all the luck hun, i agree with the cruel to be kind..
Its hard on the pocket having a baby, i suggest saving lol! Im on some benefits too and its just enough to get by. Luckily i dont pay rent but if i did i would be stuffed! Everyone's in their different situations and will have different views on it all but the bottom line will always be you need to be able to look after a baby financially more than anything. Doesnt matter if your a single parent or married, the baby will be loved without doubt, but its the money side that will be up and downs constantly. Maybe wait til your renting or at least put by a monthly amount while your at someone elses house, and see how much your left with for food bills and baby stuff.
I agree with mummy kay and i think you should listen to someone who is in the situation your going to be in when you have this baby.
Im not saying your right or wrong as i wasnt in the best position myself to have a baby but ive managed to make it work..some people cant and thats a risk your going to take.
Just consider all your options, thats all. Dont rely on council housing etc as it can take a very very long time to be housed. a friend of mine is married and has twin 3 year olds and is still in a studio 3rd floor flat with druggies all around. its awful.
Im one of the lucky ones and i thank god every day
I wish you all the best hun xxx

 

[tracyM]

I apolgise for sounding harsh, but not for being blunt. There's a big difference between £6000 and £900. £6000 is what you'd get if nobody was working. Your question boiled down to - 'we're not going to go to work, we don't have anywhere to live, should I have a baby' - anybody who PLANS a baby in those circumstances is irresponsible.

The £900 child benefit is a pittance, but if you're working you'll be able to get tax credits. I would really consider getting your own place before trying. I lived with my parents when I had Dan, that was hard enough, let alone in-laws. Don't rely on the council to house you - you could be waiting years.

 

[Gaby]

'we're not going to go to work, we don't have anywhere to live, should I have a baby'

Actually, i don't work, but my husband does. We do have somewhere to live, it just means we have to share with FIL, and I wasn't posting "should i have a baby?" i was posting "i'm going to try for a baby, and here's how i think my family will react". MY family, not my husbands. They'll all be over the moon once we get a bfp and be really supportive.

Sheesh... I wouldn't even think about having a baby if i thought we'd be left with no where to go.

 

[jocymum]

tracym- So actually i've been helping to support you , with my huge tax bills- not being harsh, just blunt..........

 

[Kas]

I think having a baby is one of the most stressful things a couple can go through, i love my baby to death but its not easy, and we had everything in place when we were TTC, just have to have a thought for your FIL, hes been kind enough to lets yous live with him, but is he prepared for the sleepless nights etc. and really as a adult you shouldnt still be thinking about hand outs from your family, this baby you want is yours and you should provide it with all the money and love it requires. But at the end of the day, some peoples ideals are different and i wish you all the best with TTC XkelX

 

[Gaby]

can a mod please close this for me? its put me off this forum enough already

 

[jocymum]

Gaby- please don't let it put you off, the vast majority of peeps on here are un-judgemental and lovely, You can't please all the people all the time hun Close the thread maybe as it's run it's course,but you will find loads of support when you get your BFP

 

[x-kirsty-x]

can a mod please close this for me? its put me off this forum enough already

 

[Gaby]

Yeah, i know. I think i'll just stick to reply to other people's topics for a while and help them with things ^_^;

s for all

Can i close my own thread or does a mod have to do it?

 

[x-kirsty-x]

A mod has to do it. I havent actually seen one on for a while though

 

[Nicky_Jones]

On observation I would like to make is this. It is a relatively new thing for children to leave the family home and have their own house before starting a family. Go back 50 years and it was very common to have 3 generations living in the same home. My MIL and FIL lived with my FIL parents before they got there own place and IIRC they had my husband before they bought their own house. With the way house prices are going, I think it is going come into common practice again.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Thats a very good point Nikki!

See Gaby, your situation isnt that odd

 

[Gaby]

you have a good point there nicky. House prices are way too high. It's £100k around here just for a tiny flat, and rent's over £500pcm for the smallest places unfurnished. DH's cousins just recently moved to a bigger house (they're a good 10-20yrs older than us) and they think that they'll have there kids living there forever ^_^ The government needs to put the minimum wage up to match inflation. If my parents didnt live in the middle of nowhere and if i got along with them i'd live with them because they have 2 empty rooms now me and my sister have moved out (well 3, but one's being converted into and office). I still can't believe they have a 5 bedroom house with just them and my brother living there. If they sold that they could buy a big enough house for them and have enough to buy me and dave a house. Well, i can dream cant i?


hehe, thanks glitzyglamgirl