Hmm... here seems to be a good place to rant

[Gaby]

Ok, so my problems aren't anything compared to most ppl's on here, but i feel like ranting. I'm not in a bad mood, but i just need to put down my thoughts.


DH and i got married this august. We're living with his dad because DH isn't quite working full time and london comuters have pushed property prices and rent up around here 14% over the last year. We're ttc anyway, because hopefully by the time we have a baby and its old enough to need a room to itself we'll be more finacially secure. MIL and FIL seperated this july so thankfully we're not being forced to pay to live here because FIL is so great. MIL, however, would def charge us if she was still here and may still try to.

Anyhoo... Basically, i dont feel like i can tell ANYONE we're ttc, because they'll just say we're being irresposible and its unfair to a baby to be in a finacially unstable family. But ppl worse off than us manage, and the government pays out [edit]£900[/edit] a year in child benefits for the first child. My dad has money, and he even offered to give me money for xmas pressies, but i just dont feel like i can take money from him. Its not just because i'm married. It's because he'll use it against me later in life. dont get me wrong, he's ok most of the time. Well, some of the time. Bascially we only get along if we're talking over the internet or on the phone. I wasn't ok with the wedding until a few months before when i sent him a rather nasty text.

Anyhoo... I just want to be able to share the whole ttc conceive thing with my family and friends, but all my friends live 20miles away (i cant drive) or are at uni. It'll probably take me months to work up the guts to tell mum and dad even after we get a BFP Guess i'm just feeling lonely. Don't have any woman to talk to in my life right now. Living with 2 guys gets... annoying... after a while. You know, little things like them leaving the seat up or not flushing the toilet. Or FIL leaving manky water in the sink and filling a cup with water and putting dirty cutlery in it. I always used to want to move out of home because i couldn't stand me family most of the time, and now i'm starting to feel like that about my FIL.

*sigh* well, i think that's it for ranting for now. If i think of more, i'm sure i'll post.

 

[tracyM]

Rant away, I don't mind paying 40% tax and slogging my guts out 80 hours a week so you can have a baby and rely on benefits.

Don't get me wrong, I was on benefits when I had my first child, but I didn't plan it that way. I don't mind paying 40% when it's going to people who can't help their circumstances, but planning a baby when you know full well you'll be relying on benefits IS irresponsible.

 

[Gaby]

I guess i should have said i rant to rant WITHOUT nasty replies.

Oh, and i didnt mention i plan to work once my kids start school plus my husband IS looking for a better job.

And you do realise they give child benefits to all parents? My dad pays 40% tax too, and my parents were still getting child benefit.

 

[Tasha20]

Your partner will also be able to claim working tax credit to make up his income once your bubba is born, which everyone is intitled too

 

[Gaby]

That's good Wish i knew how to claim all these kinds of things and what we're eligable to claim. The goverment's webstie sucks

 

[Tasha20]

if you goto directgov.co.uk and go to the child section, theres lots of usefull information on what everyone is entitled too.

 

[Gaby]

Thanks tasha

 

[Tasha20]

Not a problem, glad to help

 

[Nicky_Jones]

6K a year in child benefits that everyone is entitled to? How can I get that? We are getting £69.80 a month.

 

[Gaby]

It may not be that much. i worked it out a while ago and probably forgot.

i'm so dumb. its about £900 a year. Where the heck did i pluck £6k from? I think i'm going insane

http://www.direct.gov.uk/Parents/YourMo ... chk=8zDeix

 

[Gaby]

Just worked out how i thought it was £6k and not £900. I multiplied £17 by 356 instead of 52

 

[mummykay]

dont have a baby until u have ur own roof over ur heads is my advice.

i was 18 when i became pg, my parents kicked me out when it was too late to have an abortion and i moved into my OH's home with his parents.

4mths after baby was born we are still here, we live in central london and cant afford anythin, OH is in his last yr of uni and then has to get a full time job with his qualifications while i go back to work once a week in the new yr.

the only benefit i get is child benefit, we r on the council housing register and savin as much as we can.

i wouldnt change my baby for the world but i would have done it differently had i saved for a few yrs for a place which we could move into then get some money behind us for a child.

if ur sayin ur FIL's house isnt good enough for u to live in then how good is it gonna b for a child?

 

[jocymum]

Wow ! some harsh replies i think
It is understandable that you want to ttc when you've been married a while. If you can wait a bit til you are a bit more settled and happy then great, if not then i'm sure you'll be able to work it out.
I thought i had it sussed, been married ages,good business,resonable income,lovely husband and it's all falling apart.......children come into all kinds of situations and if your l/o is loved by you and your hubby that is all that matters

 

[Nicky_Jones]

It may not be that much. i worked it out a while ago and probably forgot.

i'm so dumb. its about £900 a year. Where the heck did i pluck £6k from? I think i'm going insane

http://www.direct.gov.uk/Parents/YourMo ... chk=8zDeix

You got my hopes up there.

Have to admit we waited until I was 30 and OH was 31 before we felt in a secure position and ready to have our LO.

 

[Gaby]

Aw, sorry to have got your hopes up nicky

thanks jocymum

 

[jocymum]

Thats my point tho' Nicky- i'm 31 Oh 30, both got good educations and have done it all the 'right' way..... it can still go wrong
Having security does make things easier but it doesn't automatically make a good parent

 

[Nicky_Jones]

Thats not good here. I hope it works out OK Jocymum. Can't comment on whether we are making good parents our LO is too young to voice an opinion on that.

 

[jocymum]

I'm sure you are
I just thought some of the comments(not yours)were a bit harsh...it's not like Gaby was saying she's a drug addict or is on her 8th kid with different fathers
I never thought i might be faced with claiming benefits or being a single mum, I just don't see the problem with ttc even if the circumstances aren't perfect...

 

[Gaby]

thanks jocymum. actually, some of the harsher comments quite upset me earlier. its the exact reaction i'm worried my family will have.

 

[jocymum]

You had every right to be upset by the comments, I hardly ever pop in here and i was shocked.
It isn't easy making these choices but if you've got a supportive hubby then I would go for it...hopefully you'll be in first tri very soon