Hi Everyone

[Vickimo]

Well, it seems like it's over as quickly as it began

I should have been 9 weeks today but found out on Thursday at a follow up scan that I'd had a missed miscarriage.

My husband works away from home and works 8 weeks away and weeks home. We planned to start trying for a baby his next trip home (which would be at the end of this month) but had a 'quick go' on the morning before he left for work back in July so it was first time lucky for us.

I got my BFP on the 4th August and broke the news to him via Skype whilst I sat at our home in Scotland and he sat in his flat in China. What followed was a tirade of e-mails with buggy ideas, names etc from my very excited OH. As much as I tried to tell him not to get his hopes up it was hard for him not to think ahead.

I had brown discharge from 2 days before my BFP. After reading up on the internet I figured that this was implantation bleeding but as it continued for every day of my pregnancy I just felt that things weren't right.

I had my first bleed 2 weeks ago and continued to bleed every couple of days since then. My mum came with me to the scan on Thursday as my hubby is still away. I'd told her what the scan should look like for an 8 week pregnancy and whilst I couldn't look at the screen I could tell what was happening when my mum's eyes welled up and I knew then that it was all over.

Each option they present you with seems horrific but I knew that I couldn't wait any longer for a natural miscarriage so I went for the D&C. I went through with it yesterday so I didn't have to wait long. Everyone at the hospital was absolutely fantastic and they've told me to ring as soon as I get another positive test and they'll book me in for an early reassurance scan at 7 weeks. I've never cried so much in my life as I have over the last few weeks and I feel a bit guilty now at the amount of relief I have that it's all over. The not knowing was torture and I feel like I've been living in limbo for the whole time I was pregnant.

The saddest part for me is that I was so excited about my hubby coming home so that we could share the news with everyone and go to the 12 week scan together. He's dues back home in 2 weeks time and as it stands I've went through almost 9 weeks of pregnancy without us being together if that makes sense. I (technically) wasn't pregnant when he left and I won't be pregnant when he comes back.

I'm hoping to get some comfort from this section of the forum and look forward to trying again when hubby gets home. I'm realistic about us being so lucky again and conceiving first time as I'm 34 and hubby is 42 but just trying to be positive.

Sorry that this was such a long post but just thought that writing it all out would give some closure to the last few weeks and help me move on xx

For anyone else who has had a D&C. Did your bleeding ease up very quickly? Apart from a fair bit of bleeding before I left the hospital I've not had anything since but was told to expect bleeding for up to 10 days?

 

[timtam78]

Hey hun, you're certainly in the right place, the ladies here are amazing

I'm also (almost) 34, and I have just been through my first miscarriage so know just how you are feeling. My baby's heart stopped at 11 weeks I had my ERPC this Monday just gone. The operation was the easy bit, the emotional side is a bit more tough, although I know just what you mean about having a sense of relief once you know it's over. The limbo is awful, I had to wait over a bank holiday weekend to get an emergency scan as I had a bit of a bleed.

Sorry your husband has not been able to be there to go through this with you, but I'm glad you had your mum to go to the scan with you. I was the same, as my OH looked at the screen I could see from his face it was not good news.

So i had my operation on Monday, I only had very light bleeding after the op, then a bit of spotting, then a couple of days ago I had a bit of a heavier bleed and now 5 days after the op, back to spotting and hopefully it will tail off now. I think 10 days to 2 weeks bleeding is normal.

I really feel for you, it's really not nice, but I hope you can find the strength to move on and that it doesn't take too long to get your sticky bean
Hugs
X

 

[alibaby]

Hi vickimo,
I'm so sorry about your miscarriage and so sorry you have had to go through all that while you husband has been away. I have just gone through pretty much the same as you have. I had a ERPC (D&C) on wednesday for a missed miscarriage, should have been about 10 weeks but baby didn't grow past 6 weeks. I was having early scans due to previous miscarriage in december. So far I have had a small amout of spotting every day but it really is hardly anything at all so sounds about the same as you.
I too had suspicions that things were not right as at my first scan at approx 6.5 weeks there was only a pregnancy sac and yolk, no sign of baby, i was so sure of when I ovulated so doubted I could have been less far along. Despite this it is was still devestating to be told that it was over.
I hope your husband is home soon, I'm sure that will help you alot to be able to comfort and support each other and when you are ready physically and emotionally you will try again.
The first few days are so tough but it will get easier xxx

 

[Vickimo]

Thanks both. It's sad that we're all in the same situation but it's nice to have others to relate to.

Timtam, I'd followed your progress after your bleed and was hoping for good news for you. It's such a difficult thing to go through and everything else just seems so unimportant. It sounds strange, but part of me is happy that I didn't have to go through it with hubby there as it's almost like I won't associate those bad memories with him if that makes sense. I spoke to him on Skype today for the first time and it was lovely just to talk as normal. He's went through his own ordeal with it all and feels terrible not being here but he was so matter of fact saying that we'll just need to have an August baby instead of an April one

Alibaby, I'd seen your update on the Tri 1 roll call. I dreaded having to ask for my name to be removed too but got it over with today. I always had a feeling when I put it on that it wouldn't be there for long. I had the same conversation with them about dates. They tried to reassure me at the first scan that I could have had my dates wrong but I explained to them that my hubby left for work on the 22nd July and their faces kind of dropped.

I hope that we're all back in the first trimester forum soon and that we have more luck next time. I hadn't realised just how common it was. xx

 

[5Element]

Hi Vickimo,

Just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you too! Just got home today from my 3 week wait before having a d&c yesterday. The ladies on here are just fantastic and have helped me unbelievably much over the last couple of months (had my first MC in June this year) and I can only recommend to talk/cry and shout about this.

Big hugs to you and here hoping we all get into the 1st tri forum soon!! XXX

 

[leean10]

Hi ladies,

I am so sorry for your combined losses. I have suffered 3 missed miscarriages and an early miscarriage (2 this year alone) and my thoughts are with you.

As regards D&C bleeding mine was very minimal and within 4 weeks I had my 1st af again and it is now 3 months since my last mc and they have been consistently 4 week intervals.

My heart goes out to you Vickimo and I know it hurts like hell but just talk, shout and cry as much as you like until the pain eases a little. It is always there but it does dull after a time.

All my love

Lee-Ann xx

 

[Vickimo]

Aww, thanks ladies and I'm sorry to both of you for your losses.

Lee-Ann, I couldn't imagine going through that many losses. I suppose that you have no choice but to deal with it but I don't imagine that it gets any easier.

I'm trying to stay positive. I'm going back to work this Sunday and just hoping that I can keep it together. I'm never off my work so the rumour mill is in overdrive and they all think I'm pregnant. I'm hoping that nobody actually dares to ask me as I know I'll struggle to keep it together. They'll all spend the next few weeks waiting for an announcement that wont come and then hopefully they'll forget about it. I'm not ashamed about the miscarriage I just don't like people knowing my business and I don't want the added pressure of people knowing we're TTC xxx

 

[leean10]

There is absolutely no reason for you to be ashamed about having a miscarriage, it happens more than I realised after having it happen to me and joining this forum. This has helped me a lot and all the ladies are wonderful!! I am finding it hard to keep it all together atm as after my mmc in March, I would be 38 weeks from Monday and that is breaking my heart.

I have to be positive though as I am going through tests to find out the reason for my losses and it is looking like they have an answer but it still hurts me so much when I think I could be on maternity leave and almost ready to see a baby that will never come.

Stay strong and try to stay calm if anyone at work asks you if you are pg. Tell them to mind their own business if it is too hard for you or just say that you have been really sick, you are allowed to be ocassionally.

Lee-Ann xx