Hen Do dilemma, advise please?!

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Babybushie28, May 19, 2013.

  1. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    My bff is getting married in September and I am bridesmaid, another one of our friends and I have been organising her hen do since Jan, it's booked for 6th July and is a night out away in another town, so an overnight stay.

    When my friend announced the date I was a bit weary as my baby would be about 8 weeks old and I didn't know if i'd feel comfortable leaving him so soon. I mentioned it at the time to my friend and let's just say it didn't go down well and I felt myself saying I'll see how I feel at the the time.

    My little boy was a week late and delivered by c section so well as being 7 weeks old, I should have just passed the magic 6 week mark. In all honesty now that he's here I don't want to go and have leave him overnight.

    I have to pay the remaining balance by next week of £130 quid and I don't know what to do???

    What would you girls do? Any advice would be fab, thank you!!

    Xxxxxxxx
     
  2. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    Don't go.

    Any real friend will understand, she may be pissed off as she wants you there but she will eventually understand.

    If it makes life a bit easier can you play up to feeling rough after your section or needing to be at home (are you BF'ing?)

    As I say a real friend should understand BUT if you need to tell a few white lies then so be it.

    Today is the first time James has been away from me for more than a few hours and he is 6 months!! (he is with his Daddy)

    xxxxxx
     
    #2 CARNAT22, May 19, 2013
    Last edited: May 19, 2013
  3. Lolly85x

    Lolly85x Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Natalie a true friend will understand. But she may be a little 'bridezilla' at the moment... But I think the fact that you had a c-section and your baby is 7 weeks old!
    I left my little man overnight when he was 10 weeks because we had booked tickets and a hotel before I was expecting. And the only other time was when he was 9months.
    I guess you have to weigh up how you feel. And don't beat yourself up about not going xx
     
  4. Constantstar

    Constantstar Well-Known Member

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    I had owen In the july my bff had her hen sept and was two nights away so he was 8 weeks!! I had an emergency c section too ;/ agreed to do one night of it and left a list of instructions and kept my phone on etc etc kept cslking to check and headed home early next day xx

    mummy to ds 11/7/11
    pregnant *team pink* due 12/9/13
     
  5. katie_lou

    katie_lou Well-Known Member

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    Don't go , if she is a real friend she would understand .

    Tbh I am shocked she would expect u to x
     
  6. k8_005

    k8_005 Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't go. Is it possible to join her n some other friends for lunch or nice dinner out together instead on a diff day so you don't have to be away overnight? I just personally couldn't do it and would never expect any friend to leave a lo that young xx
     
  7. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your replies!!

    I spoke to my mum and she also agreed that I shouldn't go if I don't feel ready, and I don't. I've made the decision not to go and I'm planning to tell my friend this week. I know she'll be upset but I feel like I'll be choosing my friend over my baby if I go???

    I'm sure as bubs gets older and more independent I'll feel different and happy to leave him for a few hours here and there but to make the decision to leave him overnight whilst he's not even 2 weeks old is near impossible.

    I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I've been worried about this for months and months!!

    I'll keep you posted on her reaction lol!

    Xxxxxxxxx
     
  8. tabbi

    tabbi Well-Known Member

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    Have you told your friend hun? And if so I hope she took it well and tried to understand from your point of view x x x
     
  9. babybee

    babybee Well-Known Member

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    I had that exact same dilemma! I had 2 weddings, one yesterday in Ireland and one in Italy in June. The bride yesterday totally understood but the bride in June got mega offended. Even though by that time my lo would be 20 weeks, I would still feel uncomfortable taking her or leaving her. I explained this to her but she said that she loved my wedding and made sure nothing would stop her from getting to it. I pointed out she didn't have a baby and she said 'I suppose'. I just thought I'd rather be a good mother than a good friend. Plus she was being a crap friend for not understanding.

    I think when you speak to her remind her of your initial reservations and say they've been confirmed now, you don't feel ready to leave her, you're still weary from your c-section so you're going to stay home. If she kicks off then ignore her. Once she has a baby she'll understand.

    I hate these situations!
     
  10. Jajis

    Jajis Well-Known Member

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    I hope that your friend proves that she is a good friend, and accepts your choice - if she doesn't then quite frankly I'm not sure I'd want her as a friend!

    Alex is almost ten months old and I'm not going to our friend's wedding in the Czech Republic this weekend because of him - I absolutely don't mind (it's OH's friend really, and he's still going, so I don't feel bad). When I mentioned to my OH's parents that Alex and I weren't going they said that they'd have him for the weekend so that I could go... I was like :shock: They thought I was being overprotective and ridiculous because I said I wasn't going to leave Alex and travel to a foreign country for several days and nights, and told me that I'd have to do it one day - er, really, why?! Really pissed me off at the time (especially as I'm breastfeeding, they basically said well surely you'll have stopped by then :wall2: )!

    Also, one of my best friends is having her hen weekend in a couple of weeks time and it involves an overnight stay at a hotel a couple of hours from here - I really want to go, but am still breastfeeding and so I'm just going for the afternoon / early evening on the Saturday and am not staying over, but she totally understood.

    Anyway, ramble over, I really hope your friend respects your decision :)
     
  11. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your replies girls!! The situation has now got a million times worse and we're not talking at all!!

    As I had to make a decision on making a payment I told the friend I was organising it with that I wasn't going to come and told her i'd speak to my BFF the same day, to my horror the friend said the whole hen do was so stressful for her and she couldn't be bothered with it so she cancelled the whole thing!!! I couldn't believe she did that, so I called my friend and had to deliver the two blows to her, she understood that I didn't want to leave Trey overnight and we agreed that I'd look into something in London so I can come along which I was happy with, the other "friend" was in two minds about going at all and didn't want to help plan.*

    So I got everyone's contact deets, contacted the company and begged them to transfer the activity and cancel the refunds, I found a really nice restaurant and made a booking and told everyone the new plan and that it was a total surprise. All fine right?

    The next day my BFF sends me a shitty email to say she her "friend" told her what I'd planned and she hated it and will not go (it was a comedy strip club btw) she said she would never go to a seedy tacky place like that and "I needed to change it now and tell everyone the new plan".

    I was so shocked at her diva attitude and the way she worded it, if it's not your cup of tea fine but there are ways to say that, clearly not remembering I just had a baby and major surgery, so my brain is mushy, I was so pissed that the "friend" that caused all this had ran and told my BFF and not said anything to me?!*

    So to cut a long ( or longer) story short I said the above to my BFF about the "friend" not telling me and that i'll change it but in all honesty it's very stressful and I'll change it when I can as I do have a baby to look after. *she told me she was glad she knew as the other friend clearly knew her better than i did and I was making the whole thing about me and she feels I never wanted to go in the first place, she's now organising it which she's so unhappy about as she has no surprises and called me selfish. So I told her I won't be coming at all, I was so upset that I couldn't write anything other than 'I'll leave you to it" and I felt this close to telling her I won't be coming to her wedding.

    So that was a week ago and I've heard nothing from her since so who knows what will happen.*

    Bloody women lol

    Xxxxxx
     
  12. Princess81

    Princess81 Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear :( there's nothing like a wedding to cause major fall outs :( such a shame :( xx

    tapatalking!!
     
  13. Jajis

    Jajis Well-Known Member

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    Blimey, they sound crackers, I reckon you're best off staying out of it until everything settles down - hopefully they'll realise that they're acting crazy and you'll manage to stay friends and go to the wedding, but I think they ought to apologise - do either of them have children?! If so then they ought to know better and have been more sympathetic, and if they don't... well then, just wait :lol:

    My best friend told me a few months ago that their wedding is the day before Alex's second birthday - she apologised and said that she was really worried that we wouldn't come, and I said not to worry, that it'd be fine (it was the only date the church they wanted could do, and anyway, there's no reason she should arrange it around us) and of course we'd still come... a little while later she was talking about their plans and I realised that they're getting married where her fiancée comes from - over 100 miles away :wall2: I do want to go, and I'm sure we'll work it out somehow, but she'd better bloody well invite Alex to the wedding as obviously he has to come with us to wherever we're staying otherwise we wouldn't be there when he wakes up on his birthday and I don't think I could cope with that (even if he probably wouldn't care :oooo: ).
     
  14. babybee

    babybee Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear, they sound like nutcases! You're def doing the right thing by not going. Just concentrate on you and your family not some friends who turn on you over a choice they're not happy with.
     
  15. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    Ur right girls, I am just leaving them to it!! I'm so over it now, I guess we'll just see if the BFF bothers to call me again, I know I'm certainly not calling her.

    Jajis - I'm sure ur friend will assume ur little one is going too, I wouldn't be leaving my lo on his birthday for anyone lol

    Xxxxx
     

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