Help.

[LuW]

I've had a bit of a difficult morning. So I phoned up the only other person that knows what happened.
She was great at first, trying to distract me with trivial bits about our move this weekend.

Then she asked what we're going to do with the spare room now.

Honestly I've been pretending it's not a room, it's just a big cupboard (it is actually a double room) to try and make it easier on myself that it won't be baby's room.

She then asked when we're going to try again. It's not even been two weeks, I've not stopped bleeding yet. So I got upset and said that I didn't want to try again. She laughed and said I was being ridiculous.

I told her that I wasn't being, that I knew something had been wrong but kept being told to shut up, then I was treated like crap during everything and that I was told afterwards when I wanted to push to find out more that I'd have to go through this twice more before they'll even think about it because, to them, my son had meant nothing.

She then thought it was 'okay' to say that maybe if I hadn't been so worried all the time I'd still be pregnant.


I can't phone G he's in meetings at work and I've no one else to talk to.

 

[Iwant3]

What you have been through is horrible, they way you were treated at the hospital was disgusting! Only other people who have lost a pregnancy can understand what it meant to you - some people think that you never had the baby so you haven't lost anything! but that just isn't true - even an earlier loss is devestating! The person you phoned was obviously having a hard time talking about the subject and want to change the subject or move on as they didn't how to cope or speak to you. No fault of theirs, just lucky for them that they don't know how it feels!

Pretending things aren't how they are may work for a temporary fix, but keeping the feelings away isn't good for you, you need to feel how you feel and deal with those emotions, it will be/is hard but whatever your feeling are they are normal.

I have had 2 children, then 3 losses then another child! Each time was devastating and I began to think I would never have my third baby - my gp wouldn't class my 3rd loss as a miscarriage as was extra early so they wouldn't do any testing for me. I took matters into my own hands and read up loads of things I could do myself that 'may' lead to me having a successful pregnancy, I took extra Vit D, Extra folic acid and baby aspirin - 5 cycles after my last lost I got pregnant again and carried her to term and she is now 15 months old.

It's hard to see hope where you feel there isn't any and it's hard to go through ttc again and first trimester is awful after a loss, it takes all the magic and nice feelings that pregnancy should bring away!

pm me if you want to x

 

[LuW]

Thank you. For all those lovely words.

I thought I could talk to her, that after what a hard time she'd had in tri 1 she'd understand as best as someone could. But just the whole 'oh well when you try again just don't stress this time - that can do things...' and her being offended that I was upset about it hurt.

For the room - it was breaking me to think of having to put adult furniture in my baby's room and that people I barely knew (G's friends and family) would be sleeping where my baby should have been. I had to start thinking of the room as a large cupboard just to get me even through this week and over the weekend of the move. I prefer to think about being a sh!tty host making my guests pretend to be Harry Potter than think about them being in baby's space.

Probs doesn't make much sense that really! Not much I think or do seems to at the moment. X

 

[Iwant3]

nothing makes sense when you have lost what you have. I can understand about the room being a cupboard! it's an awful shame and timing that guests are having to use the room.

if you want to talk - even if you think it sounds silly, doesn't make sense - give me a shout either on here or pm

 

[H16]

Honestly people say the stupidest things to someone who has miscarried. I remember getting comments like "oh well these things happen" etc when I lost my baby and it seriously pissed me off. Sending you massive hugs hun, unfortunately I have found that a lot of people turn into morons when discussing miscarriage if they have never experienced it themselves

xxx

 

[LuW]

Thank you girls. G has some how managed to pack the few things we had relating to baby away without me noticing. I know he probs thought he was doing good but I've just had another melt down because I don't have a clue where they are. I've this horrid feeling they've accidentally been put with things that were going to the tip. I know he wont have put them with the rubbish but I can't get that thought out my head.

I'm so tired as well - not sleeping well thanks to constant dreams reliving it or worse the nightmares where I'm convinced that they just didn't look well enough and that really everything was fine that I just blindly trusted them- plus all the stress over moving and trying to get in touch with the school I'm working at in September to sort things out and always just keep missing each other. I've moved out of my parents before but this time I'm finding it hard because while I can't find baby's things, the only connection I feel I've got are the memories from around the house.

I had that feeling a little the first time I moved over my first baby but nothing like this - the move was also nearly 2 years afterwards so maybe time helped a little bit?

Just feel a total wreck and don't even know where to begin.

 

[Squemers]

Aw LuW I'm really sorry you're having to go through this.

No one really understands the heartbreak if they've never been through it. We're taught as children that once you get a BFP everything else is plain sailing like the movies say. Then when you have a loss and whether a day later or 12 weeks later it's devastating.

But some people just don't get it. An older lady once told me not to be so sensitive, "back in my day we just came on late and thanked our lucky starts we weren't pregnant again" (Nice!)

I can PROMISE you that time will make it easier. Easier to think about, easier to go into the storage cupboard, easier to contemplate trying again.

You've had a horrific experience but if anything my 5 MCs have taught me its that each time makes you that little bit more assertive and stronger. So if you find yourself in a hospital corridor being ignored again then you'll shout that little bit louder.

We're always here if you want to rant and nothing is too trivial to rant about when your hormones are off the chart (I once cried at the OH for three hours about how it's not f**king fair that his side of the family could breed like rabbits!)

xxxx

 

[LuW]

Currently at work and having 5 minutes to calm myself down. Its the first time I've had to go past the hospital since it happened and I only just made it back to my boss' house before I started crying. Lucky for me boss is at her sons graduation and her daughter is 6 she bounced off to play the second we got through the door.

G has brought up the subject of if/ when wed try again ( trying to weigh up whether he needed to dig out the contraceptives from the moving boxes as I'm more than hell with pmsing without them) I just felt guilty for even thinking about it at any point, like I'm just replacing baby. Is that stupid?

 

[scn]

Not stupid at all sweetie. Trying again was the only thing that kept me going after all my 5 miscarriages but everyone is different and you'll know when the time is right. Just trust yourself and let yourself grieve xx hugs xx