Help !

[katieelisexo]

Hate stories like this cos the first thing I think is "if its gradually got worse, why have a baby?" I can already sense a baby here without a father and the baby isn't even born yet, it disgusts me :-/ the baby has done nothing wrong it didn't ask to be made and I sense a life for this baby fatherless. You need to stop saying "my baby" you should be saying "our baby" he is part of this too and he needs some sort of involvement in this babies life, for the babies sake.

I hate stories like this, me and my girl have been together 10 years - we waited until we new that we were meant to be before doing any of this. Hate pregnancies which are "not planned" where the person suffering in the end is always the baby who didn't asked to even be involved. It was the two of you who decided to have an unprotected fcuk when your not even happy with the relationship.

You both need to sit down and talk and get this sorted before the baby is here. The baby needs the father in the life and your bloke needs to understand that.


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The OP is going through what sounds like a potentially abusive situation and your response is absolutely disgusting. It's not the first time you've responded to a post of quite a serious matter with some child like response.

I myself haven't got the babies father involved AT all. Does that mean I'm a bad mother and my child is doomed from the start?

Babies are made unplanned. It's a fact! But that doesn't mean that her baby, or my baby or anyone else who as an unplanned baby is any less deserving of it, or the baby will be any less loved than a planned baby.


I can understand the point you're making but it's a very, very one sided point and the mother in most babies lives is the most important and the OP needs to do what she feels right for herself and HER unborn baby.

My missus was brought into this world when her mother was 16, in a violent relationship, and my missus has had the worst up bringing I've ever known, not all of these babies without a father while enjoy it, when they are old enough to understand they will wonder who their dad is. I think if the man is responsible enough to see his child, he should, he shouldn't be blocked from access just because you two don't get on. If you new what my missus life was like brought up in a situation like this, you would see my point. She's 25 now and still not got over it, she has the confidence of a spoon. If you don't like what I say, fair enough, but at least understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You woman will stick together, I'm the only male her, this may be why my reason differs from you all.



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I'm going to have to end this conversation with you here, because if I don't ill say something that will probably get me banned from this website.

I just have to say that you have no idea what I've had to go through regarding my child's father: the endless threats, the accusations, the bullying and the torment. Luckily I have received nothing but help from everyone and luckily everyone can see what a waste of space he is. My baby won't have his biological dad in his life, but what he will have is a responsible, loving, caring father figure in the shape of his grandfather and it seriously sickens me when people like you tarnish every single mother with the same brush.

I don't see your point because I feel it's irrelevant. My situation is completely different to your girlfriends and the fact you are male is completely irrelevant too. Make a stupid response and yes you will get backlash from people, regardless of their gender.

Now please stop commenting on something which is a sore subject to some, or at least if you have to comment, think before you do and realise that this is people's real life that they have to deal with issues and they don't need some stranger like you telling them that you 'hate to hear these stories' - I'm sure they hate to hear yours too.

 

[Geekachublog]

Hate stories like this cos the first thing I think is "if its gradually got worse, why have a baby?" I can already sense a baby here without a father and the baby isn't even born yet, it disgusts me :-/ the baby has done nothing wrong it didn't ask to be made and I sense a life for this baby fatherless. You need to stop saying "my baby" you should be saying "our baby" he is part of this too and he needs some sort of involvement in this babies life, for the babies sake.

I hate stories like this, me and my girl have been together 10 years - we waited until we new that we were meant to be before doing any of this. Hate pregnancies which are "not planned" where the person suffering in the end is always the baby who didn't asked to even be involved. It was the two of you who decided to have an unprotected fcuk when your not even happy with the relationship.

You both need to sit down and talk and get this sorted before the baby is here. The baby needs the father in the life and your bloke needs to understand that.


Sent from my iPhone 5 using Tapatalk 2

The OP is going through what sounds like a potentially abusive situation and your response is absolutely disgusting. It's not the first time you've responded to a post of quite a serious matter with some child like response.

I myself haven't got the babies father involved AT all. Does that mean I'm a bad mother and my child is doomed from the start?

Babies are made unplanned. It's a fact! But that doesn't mean that her baby, or my baby or anyone else who as an unplanned baby is any less deserving of it, or the baby will be any less loved than a planned baby.


I can understand the point you're making but it's a very, very one sided point and the mother in most babies lives is the most important and the OP needs to do what she feels right for herself and HER unborn baby.

My missus was brought into this world when her mother was 16, in a violent relationship, and my missus has had the worst up bringing I've ever known, not all of these babies without a father while enjoy it, when they are old enough to understand they will wonder who their dad is. I think if the man is responsible enough to see his child, he should, he shouldn't be blocked from access just because you two don't get on. If you new what my missus life was like brought up in a situation like this, you would see my point. She's 25 now and still not got over it, she has the confidence of a spoon. If you don't like what I say, fair enough, but at least understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You woman will stick together, I'm the only male her, this may be why my reason differs from you all.



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I have to ask, if your girlfriend has had this AWFUL upbringing and still hasn't gotten over it, WHY would you want any other woman/child to go through that?

If Bbee is in a potentially dangerous relationship, then why would you condone her child being in your girlfriends position in 25 years?! WHY WOULD YOU WANT ANYONE ELSE TO GO THROUGH THAT?!

I understand your point about dads being granted access... IF THEY WANT IT, but it doesn't sound like this guy does. I agree 100% about dads being given a fair chance, but not when they are dangerous and violent.

 

[Gemsy]

Bbee, quite frankly, he doesn't sound mature enough to look after himself, let alone a child. As the mother, you have to make decisions to safeguard the safety of your child. I will reiterate - PLEASE speak to your parents about this, and speak to them seriously so they can help you.

 

[Plaztikman]

In anything said so far have I condoned what he has done, if I have, please quote. What I'm saying is, if after baby is born, he has a right to see his child whether he and mother don't get along, at least give the man the opportunity to prove himself. If you are getting to the stage where you are going to get yourself banned from the forum over a simple adult debate, you need to calm. I said my opinion (which is what this forum is for) no need to get irate over it. I feel sorry for the child, she had unprotected sex with a man who she says isn't fit to be a father, she is partly at blame too, there was always a possibility of pregnancy when she was doing it. But understand I don't condone anything he has done by after the birth when he sees what e has created, at least give him the opportunity to be a father instead of turning him away completely


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[Rachaellius]

Hate stories like this cos the first thing I think is "if its gradually got worse, why have a baby?" I can already sense a baby here without a father and the baby isn't even born yet, it disgusts me :-/ the baby has done nothing wrong it didn't ask to be made and I sense a life for this baby fatherless. You need to stop saying "my baby" you should be saying "our baby" he is part of this too and he needs some sort of involvement in this babies life, for the babies sake.

I hate stories like this, me and my girl have been together 10 years - we waited until we new that we were meant to be before doing any of this. Hate pregnancies which are "not planned" where the person suffering in the end is always the baby who didn't asked to even be involved. It was the two of you who decided to have an unprotected fcuk when your not even happy with the relationship.

You both need to sit down and talk and get this sorted before the baby is here. The baby needs the father in the life and your bloke needs to understand that.


Sent from my iPhone 5 using Tapatalk 2

What an awful lot of help this was!!!

Hind sight is a wonderful thing! Yes in an ideal world everyone would be perfect, no one would ever split up and everyone would live happily ever after!
This poor girl is going through a hard time and all you can say is "well you shouldn't have done this". Not a fat lot of help to her is it?
I think you've got the idea of the forum wrong tbh, it's not for you to share your rude opinion it is for support.

Also nowhere has the OP said that she wishes to not let him see their child??


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[cosmicgirl]

To the OP, listen carefully.
I have been where you are today, almost identical situation.
I split from my controlling ex husband and yes it was hard but it was the best deduction I have ever made, for me and my son.
You will be stronger each day, shower your child with love. Having no father is 100 times better than having a bad father. As long as your child has your love and is brought up well then that is all your child needs.
It would be great if all relationships were perfect, that's not real life. Don't beat yourself up.
Your baby will not suffer by not having a father in their life or limited contact if that's what you decide.
Even long term relationships break down and I have seen many deeply unhappy couples "staying together for the kids", its an awful situation.
to you xx

 

[katieelisexo]

In anything said so far have I condoned what he has done, if I have, please quote. What I'm saying is, if after baby is born, he has a right to see his child whether he and mother don't get along, at least give the man the opportunity to prove himself. If you are getting to the stage where you are going to get yourself banned from the forum over a simple adult debate, you need to calm. I said my opinion (which is what this forum is for) no need to get irate over it. I feel sorry for the child, she had unprotected sex with a man who she says isn't fit to be a father, she is partly at blame too, there was always a possibility of pregnancy when she was doing it. But understand I don't condone anything he has done by after the birth when he sees what e has created, at least give him the opportunity to be a father instead of turning him away completely


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You've got this whole forum wrong if you think it's for opinions like yours. It's for guidance, advice and help from people who have either been in the same situation or can offer some kind words. Not some childish man who's so ignorant they cannot see past their own opinions of things.

Why do you keep bringing the fact up that Bbee had unprotected sex? We all know how babies are made thank you. I think the point you're failing to miss is that this person she had sex with was her boyfriend and they were/are in love. Once men are put into a situation they don't want to be in, ie getting a girl pregnant, they can and do turn into someone who you never thought they would be. This is appropriate for what happened to me and therefore, I stand by mine and HIS decision to not be in my babies life.

This isn't an 'adult debate' - this is an argument between a mother to be and an ignorant man who is claiming that babies born to single mothers are ones to feel sorry for. I can assure you that my baby will be loved, cherished and cared for like any baby born to a mother/father family and I know it's the same for the OP.

You've hit a raw nerve here.

 

[cosmicgirl]

Single mothers are some of the most devoted mothers in the world, they have to give the love of mum and dad. They don't miss out on anything at all. I know this from experience x

 

[Plaztikman]

I cba with this topic anymore, god help you all, and this poor child. This girl (and the man) who did the dirty creating this baby should have thought about what they did before doing it, now child suffers as a result. They were well to young from the beginning. And you lot think that's ok. God help you all


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[cosmicgirl]

I cba with this topic anymore, god help you all, and this poor child. This girl (and the man) who did the dirty creating this baby should have thought about what they did before doing it, now child suffers as a result. They were well to young from the beginning. And you lot think that's ok. God help you all


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Don't listen to this nastiness hun
You do the best for you and your much loved baby.
We are all here for you bbe xx

 

[Gemsy]

Oh.my.word.

 

[Plaztikman]

No nastiness from me sweet heart. The nastiness is from the people condoning what's happened, when there is clearly an issue somewhere. Babies are for life, not just for Christmas. Need to be responsible with what your doing before you do it. Good luck with what ever happens, in sure it will all work out fine in the end


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[cosmicgirl]

It's not the baby she has a problem with, it's the father. And don't sweetheart me please if you don't mind.

 

[Plaztikman]

It's not the baby she has a problem with, it's the father. And don't sweetheart me please if you don't mind.

Didn't sweetheart you. Give the guy a chance, he might be in shock. Don't just shut him out


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[cosmicgirl]

Why should she give him a chance? A chance of what exactly? Did you not read the initial post about how she is feeling? Should she continue to feel that way because she is pregnant and allow this to continue?
She is heartbroken. I must be missing something here.

 

[cosmicgirl]

Actually, don't answer that, I'm not interested in your warped relationship advice.

Bbee, as I said before, I have been in your shoes, Pm me if you need to, even for a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear xx

 

[Jess.]

I can't advise you as I've never been in your situation. Only you can decide what's the right thing to do for you and baby. There's a lot of help out there for single mums. Citizens advise may be able t help you if you were thinking of moving out ect. If you ever want a moan you can MSG me BIG HUGS xxxxxxxx

 

[H16]

I cba with this topic anymore, god help you all, and this poor child. This girl (and the man) who did the dirty creating this baby should have thought about what they did before doing it, now child suffers as a result. They were well to young from the beginning. And you lot think that's ok. God help you all


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"God help you all"

Jeez talk about dramatic! I do not need help from god just because I am being supportive of bbee when she needs support and the other ladies do not need help from god for being supportive either thank you.

She didn't have unprotected sex and then think "oh damn never mind"! She went and got the morning after pill which has a very high success rate, she just happened to be one of the women it did not work for, that is not her fault.

You are happy to condemn her for bringing her baby into this world but does that mean you would be supportive of her if she chose not to have it?!

I think bbee has made a very mature decision to bring up this baby and love it even though she never intended to become a mum at this point in her life and it is not her fault if the FOB has totally freaked out on her because she is pregnant.

 

[Geekachublog]

Bbee, you have the support of every woman on here, do what you think is best, you can PM any of us (I'm sure), but definitely me if you want help or advice(not that I know that much). I hope you got the help that you needed.

Plaztikman, I think you've kinda missed the point, the guy was saying he didn't want anything to do with the baby, then saying she can't keep him from seeing the baby.
I don't condone women keeping the father from seeing their child (my brother spent over a year and thousands of pounds trying to get to see his daughter), but when a mans behaviour becomes threatening he loses any rights he had to his child and the mother calls the shots (same if the roles were reversed). My brother is only 25 and his daughter is 4, he was "too young", but he's the best dad in the world, they're a perfect little team and she gets everything she needs, even though my brother and his ex didn't plan to have her, she was the result of a one night stand that blossomed into a relationship which has subsequently ended... but if any man ever becomes threatening or abusive, I'd advise any woman to keep him away from his child.

Is there any admins that can lock this thread now, before it gets too out of hand.

 

[Ammdaz]

Wow Hun I feel really bad for you that this thread has got so out of hand when you posted needing support I haven't got much to add really but I agree with what most of the ladies have said - you're better off without him. If you're parents are supportive of you that's great, make the most of their support and let them help you through this. Your boyfriend may get the wake up call he needs, get his act together and step up to being a father or you may find he wants very little to do with his child. I know the latter sounds horrible and scary but your baby will be loved so much by you and your parents and others around you and you will be so much happier without this horrible situation hanging over you. Either way you'll get through it, you just need to be strong and make your decision and remember that you have the support of all the ladies here xxx