HELP Doing it all wrong

[lindseylou]

I am feeding Jess on demand and everything was going OK but now feel like we are falling into bad habits, like falling asleep on the breast, being fussy about her moses basket, now will only fall asleep with dummy or boob and of course dummy falls out then she cries, so we go round in circles. I try to get tough make sure she has everything, swaddle her and put her down but she screams the house down and I am conscious of my other half and his two boys so cant do that in the middle of the night. Then read Gina Ford's book which sounds great but I found really overwhelming and feel like a failure.

Sorry I am rambling but so tired and fed up. Want to get into a routine but all seems easier said than done. Any advice???

 

[NICCI]

aww hun im going through this at the mo and my LO is 16 weeks its started working though!! have u tried putting her down in the basket awake?? we have had a bit of crying but he is getting used to it now!!

 

[lindseylou]

Are you following gina ford? Did that just now as she was in a fairly good mood after changing. Bit of a cry then slept for hour and a half. Its at night I really struggle. Last night she wouldnt settle unless feeding so now I'm really sore, put her down but she cried for 20 mins (was 1-2 AM at this point) so for a quiet life had her in my bed with dummy and had 4 hours broken sleep. She just seems really fussy last couple of days

 

[MissThing]

I dont want to sound predictable, but his is around that time, when most of the babes gets colics. If her behaviour sudennly changed maybe it is worth looking into it?

Otherwise, it is a normal baby behaviour. I had to get up in the middle of the night jus tot pop dummy back in up to 11 months, when my LO finally mastered putting it back in himself.

 

[NICCI]

im not following gina ford, she is too strict 4 me! (im lazy lol) but i find the moses basket thing does take time, she could be having a growth spurt as well hun, she is still very young maybe wait till she is a bit older to start establishing a routine xxxxx

 

[CoreysMummy]

Babies like a routine, every baby has a routine in one way or another - either one they have made themselves over time, or one that you put them into.

Personally, I did abit of both - for the 1st 3 months we went with the flow - he had a dummy, slept on me, with me, fell asleep feeding, got rocked to sleep, carried around etc (he was very ill with GORD, but I would still do all this with my next even if he was healthy and happy). Now at 6 months, he settles himself, hasnt had a dummy for over 2 months, sleeps 14 hours a night (without a peep!!) and naps twice during the day - I couldnt ask for more.

At the moment, I would do whatever is easyest for an easy life for you hun, and dont worry about bad habbits etc. For a young, and im talking 4-5month old baby, habbits are easily broken in two days - 3 max. If you want to ditch the dummy later on, do it later, if it helps now keep it. As she gets older she will master falling alseep on her own, for now, she wants to be near mummy, smell you, feel your heart etc.

I hope that was of some help!!

My Routine -
get up 7-8am ish, milkys
Back to bed 9-10am depending on when woke up (two hours after waking, tho if hes tired, I put him to bed!)
Up an hour later, more milk.
12-1 Back to bed (two hours after waking from morning nap)
Up about 2 hours later, more milk.
Plays etc
Dinner at 5pm, naked wriggling, bath, more milk, and bed at 6pm.

This works a treat for us, and I believe the napping pattern is GF, but hes to tired to stay up till 7pm, and im no way going to set an alarm and go in n wake him up at 7am!! The routine is only rough, as it all depends when the day starts, but he knows what to expect, and goes to bed when hes tired, just happends these are the times he tired.

Like I say, we wing'd it for the 1st 12weeks, then sorted a routine, and things have been much easyer since, but I believe it would not have worked before this time, babies that are little (0-3months) need/want their mummys close - they call it the 4th Trimester.

 

[lindseylou]

Thanks that has made me feel better. Just end up tearing my hair out in the early hours when she wont sleep and I'm not getting much rest as either with her or trying to catch up on chores (which isn't happening )

 

[NICCI]

stuff the chores hun and get some

 

[LucyBee]

Never feel like you're a failure or doing it all wrong.
You're her Mummy and whatever you do, as long as it's done with love and care, is right for her.
I read Gina Ford and used bits of it but I do feel that it can set you up for failure at a very vulnerable and emotional time. Remember, the book and her routines are a GUIDE only. Your baby will settle into her own routine eventually. She's still very young.

FWIW, the best parenting book I've read is by Tanya Byron and is called 'Your child, your way' which basically reminds you that whatever you do is right...it's all about confidence in your own abilities as a Mummy.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Child-Way- ... 362&sr=8-1

The first few months are very tough especially the lack of sleep. Remember everything is a phase...that always helps me when we're going through a rough patch.

DON'T blame yourself though. Just hang on in there and don't worry too much about what the books say, especially when she's so little.

Lucyx

 

[Leese]

I think Lucy's so right in saying that trying to follow a strict routine can make you feel like a failure if you don't adhere to it all the time. Having said that, I do think routine is important - James really developed his own one from quite an early age, even when I was feeding him myself. The only thing we tried hard to do was develop a bedtime routine, in the hope that he would then realise it was bedtime. And it did work. I think we've all felt like useless mummies at some point, but as long as you're loving and caring for your LO, that's the most important thing!

 

[moss]

I agree with the general message everyone is giving you. When Jacob was first born I had read a lot of month by month books and been told in order to be a good mother I have to get into a routine right away. As soon as I realised (with help from some people here) that he was too young for a routine and wasn't trying to manipulate me- he was too young for that and was only telling me he needed something (even a cuddle), I felt a million times better. It was around that time that Beanie (I think) showed me this website: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130400.asp. Attachment parenting it is pure form is too much for most peple, but elements of what they say may help you to relax and feel less pressure. I think the best thing for any mother is to keep some advice in mind from these authors, but to learn that it's okay just to do what your baby asks and you feel is right.