Hello, New member, Scared of pregnancy :(

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by LottaLove, Jun 2, 2021.

  1. LottaLove

    LottaLove New Member

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    Hello,
    I’m new new here. I’m 29 years old and have met a man I’ve been in a relationship with for about 9 months. He’s really amazing and has all the qualities I’ve ever looked for in a long term partner. He has mentioned multiple times how he really wants kids within the next 3-5 years. I’ve always felt an aversion to children. They make me uncomfortable and the thought of pregnancy just completely terrifies me. I really love him though and have thought that maybe by the time I’m 35 my feelings may change about wanting children. I would really love to adopt but he seems set on having his own. I have hypothyroidism and multiple food allergies, also my dad is colorblind, so I know I would pass on those genes which makes me sad. Plus with how Earth is set to start self destructing because of climate change within 9 years it’s hard for me to understand why I would want to birth another child into this messed up world when there are so many out there already who need a chance.
    Aside from those personal views - I AM TERRIFIED OF PREGNANCY. I’ve talked to my mom a lot recently who had 4 children to help me feel better about it but I fear so much that the level of health I finally have under control now will all be lost when a baby gets thrown into the mix. My thyroid could completely spin off track and I need a new medication. It took 10 years for me to finally get to where I am now with my health. Plus I just read that my medication was recalled because it was causing thyroid defects in pregnant mothers’ fetuses! That scares me so much that I could set up a child for complete health disaster. I’m also scared of the bodily changes that occur during pregnancy. I’m a very thin woman with what seems like a small vagina as large size tampons don’t fit. I’m terrified pregnancy will just rip me apart and ruin me.
    Also, I have admittedly been pregnant before with my current partner but we decided it wasn’t the right time. During those 5 weeks of pregnancy I was so uncomfortable from constipation and headaches I could barely get to work. And that was during just the first 5 weeks! I cannot imagine how uncomfortable I’ll be as more time goes on.
    Maybe these fears sound ridiculous and laughable but I’m 100% serious. I’m looking for any mothers out there who can help me feel less scared about this. I would hate to lose on a wonderful man because of my irrational fears. Can anyone offer some advice to help me overcome this fear?
     
  2. rb101

    rb101 Well-Known Member

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    Tbh I think you need to speak with your partner about these fears and possibly a family planning clinic in terms of your current medical needs if you decide at some point to start trying. Everyone's situations are completely different it'll be pretty hard for anyone to give you advice on what is best to overcome your fears outside of that.
    We've also been given a 10 year deadline every 10 years since the 70s that the world is about to crash and burn due to climate change so I would take that with a pinch of salt.

    I wouldn't get stressed about anything just yet.
     
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  3. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    Please talk to your partner about this. I left my ex-husband because he made me think he wanted kids and kept saying it wasn't the right time, he had to finish his studies, he wanted to save up for a bigger house, he wanted a more stable job, the list goes on. It was so unfair towards me who had wanted kids and even got married with the intention of starting a new family, which we had discussed and he even said he wanted kids as well. I eventually left him, after a 8 year long relationship because he eventually did come clean and said he didn't think he would ever be ready for kids. I felt deceived and hated him for it, for keeping up the charade for years on end.
    Honesty is the best policy, certainly when it comes to a relationship. Talk to the man and share your fears.x
     

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