Have no one to talk to...TTC 3rd cycle

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by Verdejante, Sep 19, 2019.

  1. Verdejante

    Verdejante New Member

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    DH and I have been trying the last two months, and I've been using Ovia to track my period and all that. I'm 25, I've had blood work done - normal hormones, had ultrasound - all good down there. No health conditions or anything, nothing genetic either on my side or his - just really bad anxiety. Cycle is also normal, every 29-31 day or so. DH also is fine from what I know of his health history, although we haven't had him looked at or anything.
    AF came again yesterday and I couldn't help but be disappointed. I keep reading and hearing stories of either women trying for 2+ years with no luck, or the lucky ones who conceive in a month or two. My anxiety tapers off once AF is gone, but the feeling that I'll have infertility issues, and that if I do, even with fertility treatment, then, I'll keep failing to conceive makes me beyond anxious.
    I have no one to talk to about this except DH. My mom is a nurse, but she keeps saying, "Oh, stop worrying. Your anxiety makes it worse." She has also heavily discouraged me from having kids in the past due to my anxiety. I have no friends I can talk to about it because none of them are at the stage of life where they are married, with someone or can even afford to have a kid. My in-laws don't know enough about any of this to really talk to them about it. They would probably just say the same thing as my mom.
    My doctor said, "You two should be fine. Just eat nuts." That's what she said last month when I saw her.
    I tried to meet with the pregnancy center where I live. I booked an appointment, they cancelled, and said any other days that I gave them weren't going to work, either. So, I've given up on them.
    It sounds unreasonable, I know, to be anxious when you've only been trying for two months, going on three, and have no reason to believe that you're infertile. But I just have so many questions about pregnancy in general, about assisted pregnancy therapies and having no one to talk to is making it worse.
     
  2. chattychar1990

    chattychar1990 Well-Known Member

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    I am going to agree with your mum here and be quite blunt, sorry!

    I get it you have anxiety but feeling like this only after your second month trying is only going to make this journey a lot harder and a lot longer for you, so you really need to chill.

    It takes a healthy couple around 1 year to conceive or even longer. It doesn't mean you have any issues or you are infertile it is just the way it is.
    Every women has a 20% chance each month to fall pregnant, so work out the math.
    I am on my 16th month TTC and its been a long old journey, i obviously don't wish this on you but you need to bare this in mind you could be in for the long haul so take a step back and enjoy the journey instead of stressing already.

    Are you certain when you ovulate? Are you DTD at the correct time?
     
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  3. Verdejante

    Verdejante New Member

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    Yea, I keep note of the CF, and my body temperature besides just looking at the Ovia app which gives an estimate of what days would be best. We also go at it every other day too, just in case my timing is off.
     
  4. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    I agree with char. I know it’s hard not to get stressed - when you decide you want a baby, you want it now. Trying for a baby is difficult because it’s something you have absolutely no control over - I know this doesn’t help when you have issues with anxiety. You’ve done all the precautionary measures like getting a full MOT, you know there’s nothing obviously going to hinder you, you have regular cycles and you observe closely for signs of ovulation. Now is the time you should be relaxing and enjoying the process of trying. It’s such early days, you shouldn’t be at all stressing yet!

    It took me a few months to conceive my first. My second I miscarried twice, didn’t conceive again and needed IVF, and my third now was a one time completely unexpected surprise. There is NO rhyme or reason to trying to conceive/fertility.

    Please please try to relax. Enjoy your husband, enjoy the process, go on some holidays, go for nice peaceful meals. Trust us when we say, worrying and getting upset will only make this process longer and harder. Throw your ovulation tests and temping out, you know roughly now when you ovulate so just regularly have sex and it’ll happen for you. Good luck xx
     
  5. Verdejante

    Verdejante New Member

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    It's just so hard because I have no one to talk to. I mean no one beside DH.
    My parents only make things worse. Especially because my mom is a nurse.
    His parents don't really know a lot about it, beyond, "Well, we tried and did it." They're a lot nicer to talk to than mine, but at the same point, talking to them about this hasn't been that useful.
    My doctor just tells me everything is fine and to eat nuts. Literally. That's it.
    None of my friends are where I am at in life yet, and probably won't be for a few years yet, if they do decide they want kids. So they don't get it either.
    I live in a very small town, so the nearest counselling services are 45 mins away, and the only pregnancy center here in town keeps cancelling on me, so I've given up on them.
    If I didn't feel so isolated, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I have no one to talk to, and even my doctor I'm LUCKY if I'm booked to see her within a three week period.
     
  6. chattychar1990

    chattychar1990 Well-Known Member

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    This forum is a great place to meet friends, we all want the same thing at the end of the day but I can’t really give you much more advice than I already have and also @MrsS15 has given you.
    Just trust our advice and go with the flow.
    We are always here for each other on this forum. X
     
  7. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    To be honest, you’ve taken absolutely nothing on board I’ve just said. You’ve just repeated your first post. Most people go through the TTC process alone, or with just their other half, it’s quite a personal issue. You’ve joined this forum and can seek plenty of support here. Anonymously too which can be even better! It’s sometimes worse having friends at the same point as you, you’re constantly wondering if they’ll get pregnant before you, or there will be questions every month asking if it’s happened for you. It’s not always supportive! What else are you expecting your GP to say? I’ll send you for invasive testing for absolutely no reason? You shouldn’t even want any input from your GP until it’s been a reasonable amount of time you’ve been trying - certainly not 3 cycles!!

    I’ve given you my advice. If you want to keep worrying and seeking help then go ahead but it won’t help your journey. As I said before, good luck.
     
  8. chattychar1990

    chattychar1990 Well-Known Member

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    Couldn’t have put that better myself @MrsS15 x
     
  9. liz85

    liz85 Well-Known Member

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    Takes a healthy couple a year to conceive however everyone is different. It is a frustrating process but try stay as positive at this early stage. I tried for 2.5 years for my first. Try not to stress so early on.

    I hope you get your bfp soon xxx
     
  10. liz85

    liz85 Well-Known Member

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    I agree xxx
     
  11. Jezby

    Jezby Well-Known Member

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    Hello Verdjante!

    Welcome <3

    I think when you're anxious and wanting something so badly its easy to deal in unfounded worries so lets look at the facts for a minute...

    - You are in your most fertile years
    - You have no reason to think you're infertile
    -You've been trying for 2 months

    Your tracking your cycles and doing everything you need too ( and prob more if I'm honest - ditch the temping and all the other stuff - seriously) Everyone has said it before me on here and I'll say it again - CHILL OUT!!!

    We are here if you have questions and support, but you really need to calm down or you will not survive this journey in one piece. We all hope you conceive in the normal amount of time it takes someone of your ages - which is min 6 months on average to a year by the way. But some of us myself included have been here for years...

    You are took young and too new into your journey to be talking about temping charts, assisted conception etc. Work out when you ovulate and go have lot of sex.

    Good luck!

    J xx
     
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  12. DeeDeeAbi

    DeeDeeAbi Well-Known Member

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    Must admit, it's terrifiying how quickly TTC consumes you. When trying with my first I was relaxed for the first month, then I became really obsessed!
    It must be hard having noone to chat to about it, but there are lots of lovely ladies on here to vent with.
    Easy to say go with the flow but even after a month or two I'd have told them to shut it! But maybe take time to track your cycle and get into a good frame of mind- it is easy to say looking back but don't get too stressed as that won't help either! Lots of studies showing our bodies don't conceive if our minds are telling them we're having anxiety issues or extreme stress. Good luck!! X
     
  13. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    Hello verdjante

    Hope you don’t feel offended by this but if your anxiety is that bad would it not be a better idea to get that under control, I.e get some counselling and learn some coping strategies before becoming a parent first? As you may find it spirals out of control once you actually get pregnant and have the baby, having a baby is seriously hard work and will challenge the mental health of the most calm, level headed and happy people

    You are only 25 theres no rush, spend some time sorting your issues out first so you can be the best parent you can be

    Good luck
     
  14. Natalie8964

    Natalie8964 Well-Known Member

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    At present it appears there is no reason you cant get pregnant. You need to get your mental health in a good place otherwise it will be so much more difficult. Basically just reiterating the other replies but if your anxiety is this bad you should really focus on making that better, rather than ttc.
     
    night owl, Jezby and chattychar1990 like this.

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