Has someone got it in for me??

[Steelgoddess]

I don't know why but it feels like ever since my loss I am surrounded by baby related things...

If some of you remember I posted about my collegues discussing a lady who had a baby recently...

That lady only went and brought the baby in. I know this sounds awful and mean (it was proba jealousy) but it put me into a right shitey mood I heard her talking say this and that about her birth and how he sleeps I peaked over and saw him I felt so bloody jealous

I don;t understand I hear or see everyones tickers here and i don't feel jealous, I even watched the bringing up aby series thing. but when i actuallysee a newborn in the flesh I feel like complete pap!!

Anyway thats my daily whinge.
Thanks for listening.

 

[Rosebay]

Aw hun, it's only natural. If it helps I'm a bit the same. I've been dreading toddler groups that I go to because so many of the mums there have little ones or are pregnant and I just can't bear to hear them talking about it somehow even though I have no problem on here with it. It's very odd. Thing is that I know if (please, please powers that be) I do get pregnant again I will be at it myself it's just that right now I feel so sensitive and everything reminds me of the void.

I do remember worrying a lot when I took Mel as a newborn around to see work etc that I might upset some ladies just by being there but it's very hard as others would have been upset if I hadn't have taken him in. It's hard to know what to do really and you have to be so so careful what you say don't you because people who don't know keep putting their feet right into it with me "When are you going to have another one?" "Don't wait too long to have another one", "You wait until you get another one" etc etc and I just hope to heaven that I've never upset anyone by saying those kind of things to someone who is in a painful place about it all.


Chin up hun

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[mummy26]

i know how you feel love i go through it myself even though iv a lovely child age 3. but its hard thinking it could av been me. im surrounded by babies everywhere at the mo it seems like they springing out on purpose but i guess we just gotta carry on

 

[Steelgoddess]

Thanks hon

I think thats the thing I mean a preggo or woman with a newborn does have that right to show off i mean it is a very special thing like i said i guess i was just jealous...

x

 

[Rosebay]

I know, me too, even though I'm really not a jealous person normally.


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[Llys]

while I can appreciate it's very hard when someone so desperately want to be pregnant.. you also have to think that this woman may also have been trying for ages, may have had problems, may have had umpteem miscarriages etc!

Then think that if that was the case, and she was able to still have a child at the end of it, then there's hope for everyone!

 

[puppylove]

I know how you feel, just after my first m/c in dec last year my b/f's cousin had a baby and when it was a few weeks old we went to c it, it was a lovely wee boy but i was having a hard time dealing with it but put a brave face on for the joy off the family, when i was there i could feel tears in my eyes but had to b strong as it was the right thing to do, the cousin didnt know id been pregnant or had a m/c so i didnt wanna look like a mess in front of her and ruin her day showing off her baby, so i guess there are days we are all gonna get harder than others so let ur emotions flow ur in my thoughts sending lots of

 

[x Naomi x]

I know how your feeling sharne, i just seem to notice all the prams and pregnant women when i go out now, we are only human and it is so normal to be jealous, just think one day that will be you pushing your little one around

 

[jenna]

I feel the same, and it seems like everyone is pregnant or had a baby since i started TTC.

 

[Steelgoddess]

while I can appreciate it's very hard when someone so desperately want to be pregnant.. you also have to think that this woman may also have been trying for ages, may have had problems, may have had umpteem miscarriages etc!

Then think that if that was the case, and she was able to still have a child at the end of it, then there's hope for everyone!

It still doesnt stop the feelings the person (ie me) has at the time. You seem annoyed by what I posted...

Thanks for the advice ladies...

 

[happy-chick]

while I can appreciate it's very hard when someone so desperately want to be pregnant.. you also have to think that this woman may also have been trying for ages, may have had problems, may have had umpteem miscarriages etc!

Then think that if that was the case, and she was able to still have a child at the end of it, then there's hope for everyone!

Its very hard to see things that way when you have lost a child of your own and desperately want to be a mother, no matter what circumstances the other person is in or how long it has taken them to get pregnant that doesnt matter to you because all you can feel is hurt & jealously.... This is a natural feeling following a miscarriage and I often thought to myself 'why her and not me & what did I do that she didnt' but that wasnt in a bitter and twisted way but its just very hard to see the positives for other people when your feeling so low and hurting yourself.

Sharne these feelings do pass, and as time goes by you begin to feel more positive and happier for other people who are pregnant, it always hurts that your not though. Keep your chin up chick, you will be pregnant soon im sure

 

[Steelgoddess]

while I can appreciate it's very hard when someone so desperately want to be pregnant.. you also have to think that this woman may also have been trying for ages, may have had problems, may have had umpteem miscarriages etc!

Then think that if that was the case, and she was able to still have a child at the end of it, then there's hope for everyone!

Its very hard to see things that way when you have lost a child of your own and desperately want to be a mother, no matter what circumstances the other person is in or how long it has taken them to get pregnant that doesnt matter to you because all you can feel is hurt & jealously.... This is a natural feeling following a miscarriage and I often thought to myself 'why her and not me & what did I do that she didnt' but that wasnt in a bitter and twisted way but its just very hard to see the positives for other people when your feeling so low and hurting yourself.

Sharne these feelings do pass, and as time goes by you begin to feel more positive and happier for other people who are pregnant, it always hurts that your not though. Keep your chin up chick, you will be pregnant soon im sure

Yes thats exactly what I wanted to say but wasnt sure how to put it into words...

Thats exactly how I feel, but although i feel that i wouldnt be nasty or give the person dirty looks or something. Its not their fault the way Im feeling and it was more of a vent then anything else...

i dont always feel that way just some days and I guess i just have to deal with it...

x

 

[Emma79]

Can completely understand how you feel and don't think you should be too hard on yourself; it's only been a few weeks since your loss and you're bound to be having good and bad days.

I know I was exactly the same a couple of weeks ago, went round asda during the afternoon and I swear everyone in there was on maternity leave and either had bumps or newborns, but maybe I just noticed it more.

Keep thinking positive & hopefully it'll be you visiting work with your new baby soon.

 

[Rosebay]

I totally get what you mean. It's kind of not exactly pure jealousy as it's not that you don't feel glad for them or that you somehow want to deny them pleasure in it it's just that you so want to be able to feel the same that it kind of brings back the fact that you're not there yet and it hurts. I would have been 14 weeks this coming Saturday and so would have been telling everyone if I were still pregnant. I have heard about three ladies' pregnancies this week- none of them people I've even met mind you and of course people say "She's due in April" and it's like not at all that I'm not glad that she is but obviously I was too and it's hard to hear it, half go to say "actually I am too" because I'm not of course and it brings a lump to the throat.

My sister in law (who is 44 and has two beautiful girls under 18 months now) had a m/c 2 years ago three days before her wedding. I didn't know about this on the day as she didn't tell anyone until afterwards but she was so brave on her wedding day and looked so happy even though she was really hurting and believed she was too old to ever have kids etc. I was heavily pregnant with Mel at the time and everyone was going on about it and I remember one of her friends who had just had a baby who was also there said to my SIL "You'd better hurry up girl" or something like that. How incredibly difficult must that have been? I just shudder thinking about it. I cried and cried when I heard about it afterwards and was so worried that I'd somehow upset her just by being there. Awful.

I just think that you've got to be incredibly careful with whatever you say to women about the whole process as you never know what people have gone through or are going through, I'm sure I've put my foot in it with people just as people have with me. Also I'm sure I have provoked the same feeling of "jealousy" or whatever that I'm now feeling towards others occasionally. It's just part of the whole deal and I don't think we should feel bad or guilty about it as it's just natural and as long as you're not actually mean to someone there's no harm in being honest with yourself about how you feel as just pretending that you don't feel negative things sometimes just isn't helpful to anyone in the long run.


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[DaisyRose]

Hi everyone,

I'm sure I've put my foot in it with many people in the past asking when they're going to start having babies/ have another baby etc. Having experienced a loss myself now I will make sure I am more careful!!

I've been dreading toddler groups too, and even avoiding pregnant friends!! There are reminders everywhere. I never thought I'd feel like that, and I certainly don't think I have as much right to as some of you ladies but the feelings just won't go away.

We'll all get there in the end - all the best of luck to everyone!

 

[Steelgoddess]

It;s funny that I added this post because yesterday something happened which got me in tears am ok now but it just makes you think...

OH came home and said his friend and wife were expecting, when the said they were due in April, I burst into tears... He also said apparently they had been trying for 2 years i guess although I was upset I've woken today thinking yes i mced but it was extremly easy for me to get preg in the first place.

I guess what LLys said is kind of true I guess i can seek some sort of relief in the thought that I can get pregnant... i guess I all need to have an understanding for those that have lost and those that are pregnant...

 

[happy-chick]

It;s funny that I added this post because yesterday something happened which got me in tears am ok now but it just makes you think...

OH came home and said his friend and wife were expecting, when the said they were due in April, I burst into tears... He also said apparently they had been trying for 2 years i guess although I was upset I've woken today thinking yes i mced but it was extremly easy for me to get preg in the first place.

I guess what LLys said is kind of true I guess i can seek some sort of relief in the thought that I can get pregnant... i guess I all need to have an understanding for those that have lost and those that are pregnant...

Yeah ur right hun in everything you said but you also shouldnt feel guilty for feeling upset & a bit jealous too as its perfectly natural!

Ive said in the past that I get comfort from the fact that I got pregnant in the first place, even if it did take months and it wasnt ment to be... I was lucky to get pregnant quickly again after the miscarriage.

You have the right attitude, its amazing how u can see things differently from one day to the next isnt it... its like a rollercoaster ride of emotions, one day is sad & upset then the next can be positive and motivated. If im having a bad day I always remember something a therapist said to me a few years ago 'Its only a bad day, everyone has bad days. Get through it then tomorrow is a fresh start & ill probably feel a lot better'

 

[Steelgoddess]

It;s funny that I added this post because yesterday something happened which got me in tears am ok now but it just makes you think...

OH came home and said his friend and wife were expecting, when the said they were due in April, I burst into tears... He also said apparently they had been trying for 2 years i guess although I was upset I've woken today thinking yes i mced but it was extremly easy for me to get preg in the first place.

I guess what LLys said is kind of true I guess i can seek some sort of relief in the thought that I can get pregnant... i guess I all need to have an understanding for those that have lost and those that are pregnant...

Yeah ur right hun in everything you said but you also shouldnt feel guilty for feeling upset & a bit jealous too as its perfectly natural!

Ive said in the past that I get comfort from the fact that I got pregnant in the first place, even if it did take months and it wasnt ment to be... I was lucky to get pregnant quickly again after the miscarriage.

You have the right attitude, its amazing how u can see things differently from one day to the next isnt it... its like a rollercoaster ride of emotions, one day is sad & upset then the next can be positive and motivated. If im having a bad day I always remember something a therapist said to me a few years ago 'Its only a bad day, everyone has bad days. Get through it then tomorrow is a fresh start & ill probably feel a lot better'

Thanks hon You always know the right things to say

 

[pammie]

Aw hunny
I can completly realte to what your going through, My cousin and his girlfriend had there baby daughter last week and he insisted i go and see her and i felt sooooooo jealous it took all my streangth not to cry when i was told to hold her (and of course i had to hold her) and i found out my brother and his wife are having a baby she is about ten weeks and i couldnt help the surge of jealosy i felt, even to the point where 2 of the mums are pregnant in the nursery, about as far gone as i should be and one of the girls in one of the other nurserys is due the same time as i was and i really wish them well but cant help the irrational feelings inside.

Its perfectly normal to feel like this am sure and soon things will get better and you will feel ok round new babies. Give yourself time to heal
were all here for you

Pam x