feeling guilty

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by gangofgin, Nov 24, 2007.

  1. gangofgin

    gangofgin Well-Known Member

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    2 of my best friends are desperatly trying to conceive and have been for the pay 6/7 months, both of them started treatment at the same time as they were having difficulty, theyre going through so much stress and upset each month when they find out they're not pregnant.
    when i got pregnant i was quite nervous about telling them, because although i knew they'd be alright and they were my friends, i kept thinking to myself that there would probably be slight jealousy, as i wasnt trying and it was quite a shock.
    they both took it fine but i find it really difficult discussing it with them, its naturally a huge thing in my life at the moment and ive got a scan monday which im excited about and although theyre 2 of my closest friends, i find it really hard getting excited and discussing any of it with them, because i feel really guilty about how hard theyre trying.
    they havent done anything to make me feel like this really, and i know its just me, but i also know if it was the other way round, id be jealous, so i try and curb any baby talk at all.

    sorry for the rant, it was just on my mind.
     
  2. soulem

    soulem Well-Known Member

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    Have you spoken to them about how you feel ?? It may be hard for them both but if they are your friends then they will be happy for you too. My best friend has been trying for a baby since june and I fell pregnant without trying which at the time wasnt a problem cos she was excited that we would be pregnant together. She is still trying, and she is still excited for me and my OH.

    I definitely suggest you try and tell your friends how you feel, else you will just make yourself feel worse and Im sure if your friends knew how bad it makes you feel they would hate it!

    Good Luck at the scan by the way!!! :D
     
  3. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    I have a friend who was born without a uterus.. and she can't have kids although she would very much like to.... I have always been very careful about my pregnancy around her... She never asks me how I am or how the baby is doing and I don't mention it out of respect for her.... I just don't think she is comfortable discussing it otherwise she would ask...

    Its unfair, but she had another friend who thought she needed to be involved in her pregnancy, constantly shoving it in her face, asking her to touch the bump... and well it eventually ended their relationship when this other "friend" said that she felt sorry for her as she would never experience the miracle of pregnancy, and she hoped that her involvement in her pregnancy would make her feel better.... :shock: It didn't and she eventually cut this girl permanently from her life even though they had been friends for years.

    So obviously not wanting to incur on our relationship I have been very distant.. Its been hard, but in a way its been easier too...
     
  4. gangofgin

    gangofgin Well-Known Member

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    i know they'd be annoyed at me for being stupid if i told them, but i dont fancy saying anything to them really, i might just not discuss it at all unless they bring it up, but it is difficult because im used to telling them everything.

    anyway, yeah, the scan, its all exciting. quite nervous too though, but thats normal.
    i might get the picture blown up and put on a t-shirt for my boyfriend for christmas haha, oh imagine his face on christmas day.
     
  5. Happybunny

    Happybunny Well-Known Member

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    I think you're friends will still love you and understand, you are obviously really aware of their struggle and although you are happy and want to share that with them, you are not rubbing tehri noses in it, you sound like a lovely friend.

    Last year, both my sister and I were preggers at the same time, it was fab. Unfotunately I misscarried at 10+ weeks. My sister felt exactly like you, she was so happy about her own baby, but felt guilt and didn't want to rub it in when I was feeeling so sad.

    However, I knew she would be feeling this way and we talked about how we felt constantly, I wanted her to know I was delighted for her, yes, I was jealous, but it wasn't a horrid jealousy...like 'I wish it was me and not her, it isn't fair'. It was more like, 'I wish it was both of us'. I didn't begrudge her at all and I was sooo happy when my little neice came in to the world. I was worried I might feel resentful, but I couldn't believe how much I fell in love with her.

    I thought I could try and explain it to you from their point...they certainly wont hate you, they will be pleased and glad that you are sharing you happiness with them but pleased that you are being sensative about it too.

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     

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