AgentM
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And it went really well. It was really hard emotionally, but I'm pleased with the outcome.
The lady (who is a midwife by trade), asked me to give some details as to why I was there and what I was thinking. She had already been through my notes. Then we went through them thoroughly, word by word, together. We both had to agree that my perception of the labour by no means matched the notes! Yes, the clinical bits were there (which I agree were correct), but the little things that upset me so much and made it a bad experience weren't. There was no mention of my gas and air not working for hours, despite my continued requests. There was nothing about the birthing ball being the wrong size and when I finally got one big enough for me (I'm quite tall), it was deflated and that was the end of that. Just discarded to the side and never mentioned again. No mention of the midwifes bitchy reaction when I finally got a functioning gas and air valve, and therefore pain relief - when I cried out of relief, she said "I don't know what the tears are for - this is what labour is all about". No mention of the fact that I was so knackered, through lack of pain relief, that when I finally go to push, I was too shattered, so ended having the ventouse, that ultimately caused my 3rd degree tear.There's more, but you get the jist!
So then she sat back and said " so you - how do you feel?". It's the first time I've been asked that. I dissolved into floods of tears and said that the walk to the meeting room brought it all flooding back, like waves crashing over me. It was so hard. As a result, she is referring me to a proper psychologist. She said it probably won't help with the next birth, but I need to get closure on Olivers birth. I'm quite pleased about this.
Then she took me back to the labour ward. The idea being that I won't freak out when I have to go back there for real! Walking in there was SO hard. But I'm glad I did - more tears, but got it over with. I had a chat with one of the midwives on duty and talked through different birthing methods. what I should be saying to them when I come in and what I should be communicationg.
It was such a hard session, but I got so much out of it. I'm now feeling a lot more positive about things and think I can cope with it all now. She is going to write a cover letter for my notes to inform the next lot of midwives. But it comes to me for approval first, so that I still feel comfortable facing them. All in all, quite positive I think.
The lady (who is a midwife by trade), asked me to give some details as to why I was there and what I was thinking. She had already been through my notes. Then we went through them thoroughly, word by word, together. We both had to agree that my perception of the labour by no means matched the notes! Yes, the clinical bits were there (which I agree were correct), but the little things that upset me so much and made it a bad experience weren't. There was no mention of my gas and air not working for hours, despite my continued requests. There was nothing about the birthing ball being the wrong size and when I finally got one big enough for me (I'm quite tall), it was deflated and that was the end of that. Just discarded to the side and never mentioned again. No mention of the midwifes bitchy reaction when I finally got a functioning gas and air valve, and therefore pain relief - when I cried out of relief, she said "I don't know what the tears are for - this is what labour is all about". No mention of the fact that I was so knackered, through lack of pain relief, that when I finally go to push, I was too shattered, so ended having the ventouse, that ultimately caused my 3rd degree tear.There's more, but you get the jist!
So then she sat back and said " so you - how do you feel?". It's the first time I've been asked that. I dissolved into floods of tears and said that the walk to the meeting room brought it all flooding back, like waves crashing over me. It was so hard. As a result, she is referring me to a proper psychologist. She said it probably won't help with the next birth, but I need to get closure on Olivers birth. I'm quite pleased about this.
Then she took me back to the labour ward. The idea being that I won't freak out when I have to go back there for real! Walking in there was SO hard. But I'm glad I did - more tears, but got it over with. I had a chat with one of the midwives on duty and talked through different birthing methods. what I should be saying to them when I come in and what I should be communicationg.
It was such a hard session, but I got so much out of it. I'm now feeling a lot more positive about things and think I can cope with it all now. She is going to write a cover letter for my notes to inform the next lot of midwives. But it comes to me for approval first, so that I still feel comfortable facing them. All in all, quite positive I think.
).
upside her head!!!!
wow youre so brave going onto the labour ward, did you know that was gonna be part of the session? I can completely understand what a big step that must have been. Reading it set my heart racing a bit! 
