Guilt for not breastfeeding

[nori]

Hi All,

As you know from my other post i had problems with the breastfeeding following the c-section and have now turned to formula. Whilst im sure it was the best decision at the time i keep crying everytime someone mentions it. I would have loved to have breastfeed my little boy for a few months. Hes such a hungry little man and is so much more content with the formula so i know hes probably fine with it, its just me.

Did anyone else give up breastfeeding and feel terribly guilty? Do you look back and realise it was for the best and get over that guilt? It probably doesnt help that my hormones are all over the place. I have the docs this afternoon with Ollie so will no doubt cry yet again! Im sure the baby blues will soon pass!

Claire x

 

[valentine]

Hey Claire,

I think this is really common among Mum's who really wanted to breastfeed, tried their best, but ended up with formula. This can lead to PND, so please do try to keep on top of it and move on if you can.

I know this won't help, but you do know that you've had a tough start, tried everything you could and made the decision that works for you and your family.

Valentine Xxx

 

[Fly]

Yes lovely - I had terrible guilt as I gave up feeding my eldest when he was just 3 weeks... rationally i knew i had done brilliantly to do as much as i had done considering he was born under general anaesthetic, i was really ill with eclampsia, he'd been 6 weeks prem and only just 4 pounds in weight... but rational thinking doesn't come into the feelings of failure you have

I empathise hugely with you and what you are going through cos of how my eldest was born... i know how it feels to have your expectation of birthing changed drastically and i also know how it feels to beat yourself up massively about stopping breastfeeding...

With charlie i had no support for teh first few weeks and then my little man started to lose weight that he couldn't afford to lose so i felt i had no choice - it was one of the hardest decisions of my life but once i had made it things improved drastically for him in terms of him thriving and putting on weight

My head went west though... I got bad PND when he was 10 months old and it was largely guilt that took me down that hole combined with having big black holes in my memory about his birth.

Claire... you did amazingly well my love. He had that gold-dust colustrum and he got it all from you. Breast ISN'T always best darlin you mustn't feel guilty - you gave him the best start you possibly could and its much much much more important that you both feel comfortable and happy with feeding rather than it be a constant battle. As I said I got bad PND but I also managed to get some special counselling for birth trauma as I was diagnosed with post operative stress disorder under the umbrella of PND.. we spent several weeks talking about my feelings of failure and guilt with regards to the breastfeeding.. it's only now Claire that I realise what an amazing job I did to get as far as I did with Charlie and if I am honest it's only now ten years on that the guilt has finally gone...

I still felt guilty when Henry was laying in my arms on his very first day... i shed a few tears feeling so crap for my eldest that i hadn't been able to have that skin on skin with him and that time with him (he was on scbu) n that i hadn't been able to feed him beyond his first few weeks... but the guilt has finally gone.

Nobody can tell you NOT to feel guilty but be aware that holding onto those feelings can really screw with your head honey am here if you ever want to chat bout the section and the feeding thing ok

When i had counselling i was told that i had to go through the grieving process.. i had to grieve the loss of expectation for the birth that i never had.. and i had to greive over not being able to feed my boy for very long.. grieving is letting go... i dunno but maybe if you have some time you could explore this idea of grieving and allow yourself a bit of time just on your own every day to grieve and therefore acknowledge the feelings you are having.. cos its ok to feel like you do sweetie.

Big loves and like i said am here if you ever wanna natter about stuff xxxxxx

 

[happy-chick]

Agree with what the other girls have said, dont be so hard on yourself you've done really well & you've made the decision to move to formula as its the best thing for you and your family. Keep your chin up hun, your doing a fantastic job x

 

[lisa&alex]

i thnk every single mum who put a baby to their breast feels guilty or some regret when the baby weans or they wean the baby.. its COMPLEATLY normal.. im still teary about ted weaning from me at 5 months.. it was him who did the weaning he refused me and i tried sooo hard to keep him feeding and keep my supply.. but he wouldnt come to me..what you are feeling is sooo normal.. but like the other girls have said if you are worried aout what you are feeling you should have a chat with your hv xx

 

[Bee]

Yip I feel the same even now. I had to stop due to a car crash and I really didn't want to. I kept going and ran myself into the ground

Please don't feel bad. You tried your hardest and thats all we can do

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I felt really guilty as I had to stop feeding James about 6 weeks in.

It took me ages to make the decision and looking back i probably should have stopped sooner but didnt due to the guilt and i was in hell for a good few weeks until DH finally took the decision out of my hands and went and bought formula and bottles etc.

I felt the guilt after this for a good few weeks but then i finally got perspective on it and realised that I had done the right thing for me and my son and thats all that matters.

This time round Im gonna give BF my best shot again, but I certainly wont be putting myself through the hell I did with James if it doesnt work out. James was a lot happier and fulfilled on formula than he ever was on what I gave him - he was just one hungry bugger. If I get a baby with less of an appetite this time round then happy days, if not then I will do whats best for me and baby and not feel guilty about it.

 

[Squiglet]

awww nori...

THere will be many more things that you will feel guilty about on your road to motherhood... motherhood is all about guilt.

I still feel a great sense of guilt in having to stop breastfeeding Tia and I got to 9 months. So really I shouldn't feel guilty one dot.... but I do.. And Tia HAD to go onto formula because she was so ill and couldn't feed while in hospital in intensive care for several days... so my milk dropped and what I did have made her ill because her illness left her intolerant to lactose.

I feel guilty she doesn't have her real dad around, I feel guilty that she doesn't get to have brand new designer clothes all the time, that she can't have the Wii she wants for xmas, that she now has to come second because she has a new baby sister, that she has to share and isn't the only one anymore... (and this is just the guilt for this year)... I could go on...

Valentine is so right, you have to be careful now that you don't get PND as this can cause it... What you need to remember is this... You have a baby... Many people loose them... Having a baby regardless of how its fed is a gift and you should feel proud and happy to have done such a fabulous job in creating a beautiful life. He's here, he's alive and he has a wonderful mother... who will be a great mum, BECAUSE she feels guilty.

And there is always the possibility of next time

 

[purple13]

i can't say it any better than the others. please look after yourself honey. and enjoy your baby boy!

 

[daftscotslass]

I can't say it better than the others Claire. Enjoy your baby boy. Don't beat yourself up over the what-ifs and what-might-have-beens. I did enough of that to myself and actually consider myself lucky I didn't end up with PND. I know how it feels to have it geared up in your head how things are going to go for you and it hurts when they don't.

Feel free to PM me any time you want hun

 

[lea m]

Hey Claire,

I think this is really common among Mum's who really wanted to breastfeed, tried their best, but ended up with formula. This can lead to PND, so please do try to keep on top of it and move on if you can.

I know this won't help, but you do know that you've had a tough start, tried everything you could and made the decision that works for you and your family.

Valentine Xxx

Exactly what Valentine said hun! I think most mums feels the same for a while! But you do need to not dwell on it hun and realise you did what you could and you made the best choice for you and your baby! Just give that baby a big cuddle and when he gets weighed and you see him grow, just remember that as long as he is getting fed, thats all the matters hun!

 

[nori]

Thank you so much everyone. Thats made me feel better knowing that there are others who felt the same. I still end up crying everytime a health visitor or doctor asks if im breastfeeding or bottle feeding. I had my 10 day appointment with my doc earlier who simply asked the question and i started crying. Its become a bit of a joke with me and my OH as noone is allowed to mention the B word or it will set me off.

Its so silly as im so happy about everything else and i dont feel down as such just gutted i cant have my baby feeding from me. One of the most special moments was when i was in hospital and i looked down to see Ollie asleep on my chest after a feed.. just felt so natural. oh well...

Claire x

 

[beanie]

Just wanted to send you a hug Please don't feel guilty - you have not done anything to feel guilty about.

 

[CoreysMummy]

Yeah. Totally!! I believe alot of my PND has to do with the fact Corey had such severe reflux that he was unable to feed, and if he did, he threw it all back up again!

 

[lisa&alex]

awh hun.. just as the others have said.. you shouldnt feel guilty..the 1st few days after the birth are tough anyways what with the after pains new baby and feeding and then the tiredness.. and hormones.. dont beat yourself up.. you have a gorgeous healthy baby xxx

 

[Strangeness]

I felt the same when I had my son, I tried feeding him but I never got a milk supply. I felt like such a failure and that my body had let my son down but it's silly! You've given him the colostrum which is amazing in itself! I had a c section with my son and the midwife reckoned the trauma and the blood loss I suffered probably stopped my supply kicking in. You tried hun and you did very well! You nurtured your baby for 9 months and that is amazing in itself! Like Squiglet said, motherhood is full of guilt but I really wouldn't feel guilty over feeding your baby formula, you'll do a fantastic job just the same! And there is always next time, every baby is different! My son was formula fed very early on and my daughter is still breastfeeding 4 months on.

 

[claire2711]

I wouldnt say i feel guilty, as BFing just didnt work for us. He had the first few days of colostrum, and thats something i love to think about. He wasnt doing well in hospital, feeding every hour, and his jaundice took a while to go down as he wasnt getting much milk. I feel good knowing exactly how much milk he gets, OH being able to feed him is brilliant too

With our next baby I will give him/her colostrum, but if they dont take to BFing, then I will not feel bad for formula feeding. It's not poison, and so far Riley is thriving on it .

 

[Morganuk]

You lo is healthy and thats all that matters hun, hope you start feeling better soon sweetie

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

dont feel guilty at all sweetie you tried your best you cant ask much more of yourself feel proud for how far you did got
You have done what is best for your baby. and for you babies and yours happiness and health is so much more important

 

[CorrieFan]

I'm going through it right now Nori. I'm giving up breast feeding because of personal reasons and i do feel guilty. At first lily screamed and screamed and would root for the breast and look up at me in complete bewilderment as to why am i not feeding her? It really upset me. But at the same time I knew it was right for me to stop. Such a hard transition though - we started three weeks ago and now three of her five daily feeds are bottle ones and she is so happy on the bottle. She is more in a routine, she sleeps better, she is less colicky so I know I haven't done her any harm. On Tuesday we are moving up to four feeds being bottle and one breast - whoohoo!

It's important to our babies that we are happy in ourselves. You are doing brilliantly.