Getting baby christened?

[Lulu_Laroo]

Before I start, I just want to say I've got nothing against anyone having their babies christened. However, it is not something that I want to do - I am not religious, and was never christened myself as a baby. However, my OH would like to have a christening for her (even though he's not religious himself) and said that if we don't his Mum might be upset. I have been firm and straight and said I do NOT want to have a christening, as I'd feel like a hypocrite seeing as I am in no way religious, it would just be silly, and he has basically said "Ok, but you can be the one to tell my Mum!"
My MIL is not religious either, so I don't know why it's going to apparently bother her so much.

What do you think is the best way of explaining why I do not want to have her christened? I don't want to offend her by saying I'd feel like a hypocrite (because thats basically calling her one, too!). I love my in-laws, they are lovely people, but have a tendency to be a bit pushy with their advice. I'm stuck! Help!

 

[yorksmummy]

If you want a really simple answer for her I don't think you can have your daughter Christened unless you are, or to put it another way you would have to be Christened at the same time, which is personal choice. (I may be wrong but at my first baby's Christening there was a Dad being Christened too with his daughter). It's a difficult one to tackle sometimes but it's personal choice. Would she be happy with a naming ceremony of some sort? x

 

[xshauna_bazx]

Hi, i am not christened and don't want the baby christened either. Also i do think you would have to be christened yourself, another reason why i don't want to get her christened. It's upto you what you want to do don't let anyone tell you different. Both my nanas like babies christened and one is quite religious-ish but they have not tried to persuade me or anything and i have told them. xxx

 

[songbird]

Im not sure if you have to be christened to have your child christened my daughter was christened 2 years ago and i know on the form it asked if we had been christened (i had but father hadnt) but it didnt say we had to be. (god parents did have to be )

Could you not suggest doing a naming ceremony instead this is like a christening but without the religious aspect. You could then explain that you do want to celebrate your child's arrival but as you are not religious you dont really feel comfortable having a christening

 

[cherrybinky]

I will not be having my baby christened either, to me, its pointless and its also a very personal thing. Its no one elses business apart from you and your OH. If my MIL started saying things about it, as lovely as she is, Id tell her straight. The same as Ive told her that I will not be taking pushy advice from anyone about anything to do with my baby or its upbringing. X

 

[tinytoes]

Just tell her you want to give you child the chance to make decisions about religion for themselves and that you dont want to be a hypocrite , its difficult dealing with families advice sometimes my mum can be soo pushy .

 

[Kay1987]

Im not religious at all but my MIL is very and OH is kind of on the fence. we did get Ethan christened as thats what OH wanted and it really didnt matter to me if he was or wasnt. Im pretty sure one of you has to be christened to have a christening anyway. Me and OH were both christened as babys. If it was just down to me id have had a naming ceremony instead. But the way i looked at it was Ethan can make his own mind up if he believes when he's older, just like i did, being christened doesnt mean anythin to me tbh. Say that to MIL, that you would rather let Baby decide when she is older if she wants to be christened or not, instead of making her mind up for her! x

 

[MrsR]

You could say that you feel that such an important descision should be left up to the child when they're older and therefore you don't want a christening now but how about a naming ceremony?

I wasn't Christian (we avoid saying religious as we are Christian not religious) when I had DD and didn't get her christened as, like you, I felt I'd be very hypocritical to do so and that was the reason I didn't do it. It worked out fantastically as she HAS made the descision and we are now ALL Christians

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

Thanks everyone. I'm thinking of compromising with some kind of 'welcome to the world' party or naming ceremony like some of you have suggested, which we can just have at our house, have a BBQ, make some cupcakes etc. When this subject is next brought up, I'm going to suggest this instead and am determined not to be bossed into anything I don't want to do! (Something that happens a lot because I'm a softy!)

 

[treeze]

that sounds like a good idea to me... we had a naming ceremony for my little girl on her 1st birthday and i will probably do the same for the next baby.

We had a registrar come out to a venue to do ours, but i have also been to one at the registry office too which was really lovely. The registry office gives you a book with all different sections / promises / readings etc and you can basically make up the ceremony to be exactly as you want it.

Regarding your in-laws and parents it can also inlcude a section especially for grandparents to partake where they have to stand up and say "i promise" to a few promises that you can select from a list... to be there if the child needs them, to always support and encourage the child etc... as far as i know with a christening the grandparents arne't mentioned

they also call the "godparents" either "supporting adults or guide-parents" and you can have up to 4 of these (friends, other relations etc). At my friends naming ceremony she got those sky lanterns and each supporting adult and grandparent wrote a promise to the child on the lantern and then they let them off in the evening. You can make it a really lovely event that involves everyone not just the baby and godparents.

after a friend had been to our naming ceremony she borrowed the book the registry office gave me with all the verses in etc and held her own naming ceremony in her back garden with a bbq/party and this was equally as special as the other ones i've been to.

i think that a naming ceremony has to be the way to go if you're not religious. neither of us are and it didin't feel right for us at all to have a christening.

anyway that's me done for waffling on about naming ceremonies! have been to several now which have all been unique and a lovely way to celebrate x x x

 

[Taassh_0x]

You can have a blessing which parents have for 2 reasons, 1. It's non - religious and it's basically blessing the child and a way of thanking for pregnancy and their early start in life been healthy and hoping for the rest to be healthy. 2. Some parents like their children to choose their own religions when they are old enough too, so as babies they are blessed... however even though you can have a big cermony like a christening for it, I'm not sure about god parents but you will have to research all this and talk to the priest/vicar if you dicide to have this done... a blessing is NOT to welcome the child into religion. hope this is useful chick xx

 

[pinkymum]

I'm also not getting baby christened because I'd feel hypocritical too and I want her to make her own mind. Treeze that's good to know about naming ceremonies. I think I might do something like that

 

[hopefulmummy]

Personally, I will get my babies Christned but I think it's better to stay away from these things if they don't mean anything to you. Ask yourself, and your MIL, why it is important to her and what she wants to get out of it - And then maybe plan something together that is not a Christening and doesn't involve the church. She may be happy with that. However, some people who aren't religious or have anything to do with church still for some reason have this obsession with certain rituals, (like getting married in a church for example, going on Christmas day) which i find really interesting

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

I thought the parents themselves have to be christened in order for their child to be christened? That's what I was told as I am religious and would like to have my baby christened.

I think perhaps she might want you to have a christening so that the baby had god parents? That way, God forbid if anything happened to you and your OH you child would be in safe hands with someone you trust. Just a thought.

Or she might just want to show off her new Grandchild with a big Christening? Because afterall it is something to celebrate!

At the end of the day if it's something you don't want, don't do it. She's your child.
I also feel that if you're not religious, and are not going to bring your child up in a Christian way, a Christening is silly and more or less pointless.

xxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

I've been to a naming ceremony, it was lovely. None of my children are christened, wish I'd have thought of a naming ceremony! xx

 

[hopefulmummy]

No, the parents don't have to be christened, but god parents do legally. Ideally they should be confirmed but it's not a legal requirement.

I agree, if you aren't going to bring your child up in the Christian faith, a christening is pointless and meaningless. Xx

 

[Froslass]

I wasn't Christened, but dedicated. It was still religious, but there is no baptism involved.

Basically a gathering of friends and family, they get together at the church and basciallly say thanks to god for the gift of a wee new life, and everyone promises to help the baby as it grows up if it ever needs it. Was really nice actually, as then the naming cermony part happens then it's done x

I think dedications are good cause they can be adapted to fit whatever you belive x

 

[Froslass]

WHen I say naming cermony, its just like "here is Baby A" but done in a nice way if you know what i mean! lol x