Gender disappointment :((

[SophD]

Hi all, im 32 weeks nearly with my 3rd baby. I already have a girl and a boy, and this baby will be a little girl. the thing is, my husband is really gutted. He keeps making digs about having boys, and how he always wanted a bunch of boys. U can imagine how sad this has made me throughout my pregnancy. Im just feeling so blessed to even be pregnant, as it took 2 years to get pregnant with our son, and nearly a year this time. But to be honest, im hating every moment of this pregnancy as hes making me feel so bitter towards him about it all Has anyone been through similar and did things get any better?

 

[KateK]

Oh bless you That must be awful.. does he know how much it's upsetting you? Is he saying it in that half jokey but I half mean it sort of way or is he genuinely gutted? My partner really wanted a boy as we have a gorgeous girly and we'd discussed this baby being our last. I pretty much knew it was another girl as there was a clear nub on our first scan but he wouldn't have it! When we had our 20 week scan and it was confirmed he was disappointed and sulked for a couple of days which made me feel sad enough just for that short time.. he's great now and wouldn't have it any other way but I know deep down he is pining for his boy. I think men are more open about gender disappointment than women are and just more frank when expressing their emotions. It sounds absurd but I actually took on some guilt that I wasn't growing a boy, simply ridiculous especially as it's the sperm that determines the gender!! You really need to let him know how much he's hurting you, your beautiful baby's arrival shouldn't be clouded by his pointless negativity xx

 

[Shepherdess]

When I read the title for this post I thought it was going to be you the mum who was disappointed and my reaction before the post even loaded was "it's normal for some people to feel d. isappointed when you have your heart set on something but you'll adore your baby when it comes", the page loaded and I read and thought "how awful he shouldn't pu. t on to you like that being negative it's not fair it's not like you have a choice"

I then thought some more and thought well actually he kind of has a right to be disappointed like a woman would and I feel for him but he still shouldn't be making you feel bad. You need to explain how this is making you feel. He'll adore her when she comes and he needs to start thinking more positively

My oh and I are planning one more baby and while I'd be hoping for another girl my oh has already said if he knew 100% before we tried that id have a girl hes not sure hed want another. Our little girl had colic and is a terrible sleeper and he finds her very hard work although he adores her he's just scared we couldn't cope with another the same. However if we conceive and its a girl I'd give him a day or two to brood and then tell him to man up and not to make me feel bad

 

[SophD]

Thank you for your replies. He makes jokey digs, but has done it all the way through the pregnancy. My friend had twins yesterday, a girl and a boy, and he said 'shame they had a girl, 2 boys would have been better'. And he meant it! He always said he only wanted boys, and the mention of a girl really irritated him (my eldest girl is mine from another relationship, so the boy and this girl are his biologically)... I just cant believe that any man could make his wife/partner feel bad for the sex of their child! Espcially seeing as weve already had a boy!

 

[Donna88]

It seems odd that he is so against girls. I would speak to him and just explain that these digs even if he means them ''as a joke'' are hurting you and its also hurtful towards your unborn baby and your daughter, she might not be his but he should still see her as one of his own and not make comments like that.

 

[Tigeress]

I knew from the minute I got pregnant I was having a girl. But my partner was adamant she was a boy. I was 21 weeks exactly when we found out. And I still remember his face slightly dropping when she said girl (I knew seconds before she said as I had been looking at the potty shot on the screen). I was jumping around and so excited. Telling him I told him so. When we got in the car I looked at him and said "are you disappointed?" He said "yea a little bit I have to be honest" I gave him a cuddle, stopped being smirky. And said "just think of it like this, your gonna have two girls in your life that adore you, your own lil girl gamer like me, and she can be your own little tomb raider (his a big fan)." He started smiling and has completely changed now, he talks about her all the time and says all the rules that'll be in place. Lol. I think deep down in his gut, I guess he will have a smidge of guttedness but he certainly doesn't show it anymore. I asked him not long ago how he felt now and he beamed a smile back at me and said "no way, I'm not gutted anymore, I've got my girls"

Sounds like I'm really lucky with my partner.. I always always wanted boys but when I got pregnant I just knew she was a girl and really really wanted a girl suddenly. It was so strange how it changed. Must of been a natural instinct.
I'm sure once she's here and in his arms he will change, he shouldn't be putting stress on you though so maybe mention it to him xxx

 

[Donna88]

I don't think I'll have it either way, but I do sometimes wonder if I do it'll be if we're having a boy. I have a boy from a previous relationship and my husband loves him... don't get me wrong, it's not that. If anything he loves him so much his view is just ''we already have a boy'' whenever we talk about having a baby, he talks about a girl. I think when we do it'll be a boy. I'd love a girl... I'd be equally happy with another boy though.

 

[tinselcat]

Have you told him that his continual digs about baby being a girl are really upsetting you? xx

 

[TashaWink]

Definitely talk to him and let him know how you're feeling about his remarks.

Gender disappointment is true for men and women. why doesn't he want a girl?

 

[SophD]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I think hes just got it in his head that he wants a bunch of lads he can go down the pub with in the future, and climb trees, play with train sets etc. He doesnt stop to think that you can do that with girls too. I think hes just a bit old-fashioned in that sense xx

 

[KateK]

This is what upsets me.. gender roles and stereotypes are so engrained in us and it's such a shame. It's only now that our daughter is 5 and they play football and do mini workouts together that my partner realises that actually, she can do everything a boy can do she just has different parts! I know a Dad who won't let his son watch Frozen because it's too girly Ridiculous really, I feel times are finally starting to change though.. Hope you're feeling better about everything now Soph xx

 

[SophD]

Yeh, my son sings to frozen and stuff and his dad hates it lol. I think hes starting to come round about the idea of having a daughter. Hes been and bought some pink stuff and seems to be getting more into it now we've had words. We had a growth scan yesterday and was really up for coming to the appointment etc and was very involved. So, fingers crossed we've had a breakthrough!

 

[Donna88]

Thing is you can't guarantee anything about your kids. He could have a bunch of boys who hate all that stuff. You've got to appreciate what you have and make the most of it and enjoy your kids for who they are

 

[Eryinera]

My sons fave colour when he was little was pink thankfully my hubby didnt bat an eyelid when i came home with lots of pink sleepsuits lol.

 

[Beckyb1991]

My partner was devastated after finding out our first child was a girl.. he actually cried! He spent the rest of the pregnancy not interested in the pregnancy, didnt buy anything for her or care what i brought her...gey making horrible digs - it was awful. But the first time he saw her his heart opened up to her and never closed- they are best friends and they adore each other! Tell your partner to stop playing henry the 8th and get over this ridiculous theory that boys are better! Im sure his daughter sould be heartbroken to hear what her daddy thought when she was little. Big hugs hun xxx