Friend acting weird about pregnancy

[Donna88]

Hi all,

So I have a friend who congratulated me when she found out I was pregnant, even sent me a card - but has since avoided talking about anything to do with my pregnancy. If I have mentioned anything she will briefly respond and then change the subject.

She will however, bend over backwards to tell me about her friend who is having a baby and how amazing it is and what a miracle it is.

When we found out we were having a girl she ignored me for almost a week, until I messaged asking what she had been up to as it had been a while since I had heard from her. She still didn't react to anything baby wise, said it looked like I'd had a good weekend and then started telling me in great detail about how well her friend is doing and all about that.

I've never met her friend but I am genuinely happy for her as she hasn't had an easy journey to her pregnancy, however I am starting to get annoyed with how my friend is acting towards me. It feels like she can't be happy for me. When I keep hearing what a miracle her friends baby is, while at the same time she actively avoids talking about and even dismisses my baby is very hurtful.

I don't know what to do and whether to confront her about it, or just carry on. I've got to the point where I don't update her on what's going on with myself pregnancy wise - but when she will go out of her way to tell me about her other friend it's sometimes hard to not just say ''yeah do you know who else is having a baby?'' but even when I have updated her on anything she shows no interest what so ever. For example she was telling me that her friend may need to have a planned C-Section, so I was talking about that saying how if they decide that's the best course of action it will be okay and she's in the best hands. I mentioned how I may have to have one too and will find out around Christmas if that's the case and she basically said ''oh will you.... back to long post about friend'' she didn't even ask why that might be the case or if everything is okay with me and baby.

Am I being unreasonable?

 

[WinterWolf]

She's obviously jealous of you and trying to make you feel bad in order to make herself feel better. I wouldn't talk to her.

 

[MoominGirl]

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Just a thought. What is your friend's situation? Does she have her own children? If not, could she be struggling herself? I'm not saying that excuses her behaviour but may shed some light on it for you. As we struggled ourselves, I know there were some situations I found more difficult than others but from talking to the long termers on some of the other threads, what I found difficult wasn't always the same for others. That's not to say I couldn't be happy for someone else, I just probably had a good cry when I got home!!

 

[chattychar1990]

Donna i don't think your being unreasonable at all.
It would make sense if she was just not interested in either of you because some people just aren't bothered about children but the fact that she is making a point of being over the moon for her other friend and not you is just plain nasty.
Just because you haven't been through a tough journey like her friend doesn't mean you deserve it any less.

I am quite an outspoken kind of person so i would probably end up asking her what her problem is, but that's just me and you will need to do what you think is right.
Maybe next time she messages you about her friend completely ignore it (like she does with you when you mention your pregnancy) and see how she reacts then?
She doesn't really sound like a nice friend if i am totally honest with you. It's times like this you do find out who the real ones are. I hope you get this sorted one way or another xx

 

[chattychar1990]

Donna i don't think your being unreasonable at all.
It would make sense if she was just not interested in either of you because some people just aren't bothered about children but the fact that she is making a point of being over the moon for her other friend and not you is just plain nasty.
Just because you haven't been through a tough journey like her friend doesn't mean you deserve it any less.

I am quite an outspoken kind of person so i would probably end up asking her what her problem is, but that's just me and you will need to do what you think is right.
Maybe next time she messages you about her friend completely ignore it (like she does with you when you mention your pregnancy) and see how she reacts then?
She doesn't really sound like a nice friend if i am totally honest with you. It's times like this you do find out who the real ones are. I hope you get this sorted one way or another xx

 

[Donna88]

My husband has said that; he's said there have been things I should have said such as when she was telling me how perfect her friends baby is because it's going to be a Christmas baby (which it's not she's due end of Jan and possibly having a section - I did point out that it tends to be a week before and
then suddenly she was due the first week in Jan instead) my husband said I should have said we actually would have actively avoided having a Christmas baby. But I feel comments like that are nasty towards her friend and not her and I obviously understand other friend has struggled (but to be honest I don't even know if that's true because she's said a lot of things that don't make sense and she has been known to stretch the truth if it makes the story more interesting) that obviously she wouldn't be avoiding any months as she'll just be so happy to be having her baby.

I think that's one of the most frustrating things about it all actually; I'm honestly really happy for her friend but it feels like she is trying to make it into a competition. That this baby is more valued or special
than mine or something.

She's single; has been for 3 years. She did always want children but her ex never did. However she started dating again and he got back in touch so she dropped the dating and although they're not back together she's put everything on hold hoping they will. She has made comments that suggest she doesn't think she ever will have children now; but that's all her own doing and because she has prioritised him over having children. So I don't think her jealousy is really founded.

I have been lucky in that I fell pregnant 2nd month trying but she doesn't know that. She knows that I've been with my husband for 9 years and that we've been married for 3. She also knows that we've always wanted children so for all she knows we could have been trying for years ourselves. We have discussed it plenty and then things have got in the way.

One of the things she told me about her friend was that she only has one working ovary. I didn't get into it with her but I have a cyst on my left ovary that has been there for at least
5 years and although i haven't had it confirmed it has been mentioned that maybe I only ovulate from the right (it has been confirmed that this pregnancy I'd ovulated from the right when I had my 6 week scan)

I think you're right; my husband thinks she's always been jealous of me but I don't understand it myself. We did loose touch when I got married as this was around the time she was splitting from her ex and she said she couldn't bare to see me happy. So maybe this is this all happening again. I just don't understand why she'd want to be friends with me if it bothers her so much when things are going well in my life.

 

[chattychar1990]

We did loose touch when I got married as this was around the time she was splitting from her ex and she said she couldn't bare to see me happy. So maybe this is this all happening again. I just don't understand why she'd want to be friends with me if it bothers her so much when things are going well in my life.

Just this comment alone that she made about couldn't bare to see you happy and lost touch with you, i would not allow her back in my life.
This woman is not a friend and i think you would be better off without her.
Sorry to be outspoken.

 

[WinterWolf]

She sounds like a pretty nasty person if she didn't want to talk to you because she was jealous when you got married. I wonder what she's saying to the other pregnant woman. Is she actually being nice to her or is she just telling her all about your pregnancy... I'd probably ask her what her deal is too. Or I'd be blunt and say "I'm not interested" or completely ignore her whenever she starts talking about her friend. You really do find out who your friends are when you have kids and it sounds like she's not one of yours.

 

[jasenhudson59]

It depends what type of relation you have with your friend. According to me during this phase, it is better to spend maximum time with closed ones and to stay positive and happy to deal with all the negativity around.

 

[Donna88]

To be honest I think you've all confirmed what I knew anyway.

She's not a nice person and I've given her chance after chance. I don't know if I'll actually confront her (Although it may come to that) but I'm going to distance myself and not bother with her

 

[chattychar1990]

To be honest I think you've all confirmed what I knew anyway.

She's not a nice person and I've given her chance after chance. I don't know if I'll actually confront her (Although it may come to that) but I'm going to distance myself and not bother with her

I am sure you will be a much happier person once you do this Donna.
Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy x

 

[MoominGirl]

Totally agree with everyone else now you've given a bit more context. She doesn't sound like she's worth making the effort for. If you think confronting her is too stressful then I would just distance yourself from her. She sounds a bit too wrapped up in herself to notice.

 

[EmmaN27]

Defo distance yourself from her, she sounds horrible. If she asks why you're being distant with her, be honest about it, then it's up to her if she wants to explain herself. x

 

[Princess81]

I can’t add a lot more to what the others have said, but some friends are toxic and only enjoy a friendship that has negative forces introducing drama, they want people to pity not to look up to, someone they believe they are above and feel intimidated by anyone who has what they want. Are you sure this other friend is even real? Maybe she’s making up stories about someone who doesn’t exist to simply relay to you! x

 

[emilyhall91]

I think that your friend is pretending that the other friend she has is herself ! I would distance yourself

 

[alwayscoffee]

I have a friend like this. She is pregnant with me though and it's all about her and she acts like my pregnancy doesn't matter or isn't special.

Your friend is just jealous over her own personal issues. It sucks to be on the receiving end of it, but it's an insecurity for her. I would either stop talking to her or accept that she is going to be this way. Maybe even reach out to her and tell her how you feel and let her know that you aren't here to put her down or make her feel jealous. Tell her you reach out to her because you value her conversation, but if it hurts her than you can stop talking about it.

I hope things work out!