First time for everything just hope it helps!

[Brinteg]

Hi everyone, this is my first ever time posting on anything like this, but with everything going on I thought why not try and speak to people in the same boat, people who actually understand, my fiancé and I have been TTC for nearly four years it's been a very slow and stressful process for us as while we was in the middle of finding out the cause my little brother got cancer! So all investigations into why we can't get pregnant got put on hold, my brother is now in remission thank god! So we've obviously now got chance to
Focus on us, We've had all tests done before my brother took ill but something always went wrong with Matthews sperm samples e.g. To late for drop off, man at the counter never took it from him, and many many more times! I'd feel sorry for him having to do it so much but I'm sure it was fine by him �� Anyway we've recently got the results of his last test and they arnt good, he's got a very low sperm count and what he does have has no mobility, which from what I can gather it's going to be a long haul for us now, as we won't be able to conceive naturally! All my friends around me have had babies but my very best friend (whom hasn't exactly been the greatest of friends to me) decided to tell me she was TTC a couple of weeks after me finding out my brother was ill, also after knowing full well the struggles we were having TTC after having two miscarriages that she didn't tell me about and being told she had polycystic ovaries within a few months and a few break ups with her partner she was pregnant and this had completely shattered my views on her and I can't physically be around her, everytime something went wrong in my life she was always there to rub her amazing life in my face and this was the cherry on the cake, she told me she was pregnant by waving her scan in my face and I haven't seen her since, it's been 10 months and she's now had the baby, but I can't even bare to see them, I know I'm evil and a terrible person but I feel she's never cared enough about my feelings anyway and this just done it for me, she's never asked why I've been so distant or really tried to make much effort herself! She's close with my family which makes it so much worse! I can't work out weather I'm just extremely envious or she just went about everything the wrong way! I don't think she even realises the pain I'm in with it all! I suffer with depression and anxiety and have done for many years but since meeting my partner I've come extremely far from the person I was i don't take any medication and I like to think I'm a calm, happy person but everything now is beginning to drag me down and I'm getting fed up of waiting for the only thing I want in life!! I'm normally really positive and have been for four years bur now it's grinding me down and I don't know what to do! X

 

[Sunflower1]

Hi everyone, this is my first ever time posting on anything like this, but with everything going on I thought why not try and speak to people in the same boat, people who actually understand, my fiancé (matthew) and I have been TTC for nearly four years it's been a very slow and stressful process for us as while we was in the middle of finding out the cause my little brother got cancer! So all investigations into why we can't get pregnant got put on hold, my brother is now in remission thank god! So we've obviously now got chance to
Focus on us, We've had all tests done before my brother took ill but something always went wrong with Matthews sperm samples e.g. To late for drop off, man at the counter never took it from him, and many many more times! I'd feel sorry for him having to do it so much but I'm sure it was fine by him 😂 Anyway we've recently got the results of his last test and they arnt good, he's got a very low sperm count and what he does have has no mobility, which from what I can gather it's going to be a long haul for us now, as we won't be able to conceive naturally! All my friends around me have had babies but my very best friend (whom hasn't exactly been the greatest of friends to me) decided to tell me she was TTC a couple of weeks after me finding out my brother was ill, also after knowing full well the struggles we were having TTC after having two miscarriages that she didn't tell me about and being told she had polycystic ovaries within a few months and a few break ups with her partner she was pregnant and this had completely shattered my views on her and I can't physically be around her, everytime something went wrong in my life she was always there to rub her amazing life in my face and this was the cherry on the cake, she told me she was pregnant by waving her scan in my face and I haven't seen her since, it's been 10 months and she's now had the baby, but I can't even bare to see them, I know I'm evil and a terrible person but I feel she's never cared enough about my feelings anyway and this just done it for me, she's never asked why I've been so distant or really tried to make much effort herself! She's close with my family which makes it so much worse! I can't work out weather I'm just extremely envious or she just went about everything the wrong way! I don't think she even realises the pain I'm in with it all! I suffer with depression and anxiety and have done for many years but since meeting my partner I've come extremely far from the person I was i don't take any medication and I like to think I'm a calm, happy person but everything now is beginning to drag me down and I'm getting fed up of waiting for the only thing I want in life!! I'm normally really positive and have been for four years bur now it's grinding me down and I don't know what to do! X

Thanks for sharing your journey. There have been a few people on here whose partners have had sperms tests with not great results, who seem to have managed to have improved it with supplements and stuff. I don't know if it works on motility as well as sperm count but there may be nutritional and supplement-based ways of helping - I don't know. Low sperm count and issues have been linked to low vitamins and zinc. Also weight can be an issue. As can junk food and hormonal balance. Worth picking people's brains. (My DH is going for a sperm test next week) I can't believe they messed up his sample so many times!!

With the friend, I think trust your instinct - sounds like you were in a vulnerable place and she was repeatedly insensitive and self-absorbed. It's times like that when you realise who is worth keeping as a friend and who is not. You are not a terrible person - you are just behaving normally when faced with someone who wasn't there for you. I have ditched friends for similar reasons.

Glad your brother is better.

4 years is such a long time, you must be tired. At least you have some answers as to why it hasn't happened. Sounds like there are still doors open to you. Hope the process ahead goes well, whatever that is. xx

 

[Brinteg]

Thank you so much, I've woken up feeling really down and that reply just instantly made me feeling better, just having someone to talk to that understands is amazing, Matthew and I eat really well and we take vitamins and we both pretty fit and healthy to be honest, my partner did smoke heavily but obviously since TTC he has stopped, it's been very hard for us to get to the bottle of it all we went through out GP for a while but the process for answers and tests was just took long! We've now again been referred to the fertility clinic, I'm hoping that we can get on the path to maybe starting some kind of treatment we go on the 5th of December! Your advice about my friend sounds spot on, I've wrote her a letter explaining everything about why I'm being like this so I think after I post that she probably won't want anything to do with me anyway! Sometimes I don't really think anyone can understand unless they've been through the same thing, my family try and be supportive but I feel as if we're just not taken seriously you know! Yes it's been really hard but I'm just hoping something gets done for us asap because I'm starting to feel hopeless now! Many thanks again for your reply x

 

[Lulla Bell]

Hi, I cant relate to the low sperm thing But I can relate to the shitty friend bullshit. A couple of weeks ago I was telling my friend about my 6th miscarriage and she just came out with, ' Im 7 weeks pregnant, I'm not happy or exited at all, I just want it to be over'
We haven't spoken since!
You're not evil for thinking she's a bitch, She is a bitch and with everything going on in your life at the moment, to 100% deserve to be bitter and angry, Thats totally ok, and honestly its the only way you'll sanely get through your journey, Pretending to be all smiles will eat away at you inside,
Ive spent many nights behind a bottle of gin, under the duvet cussing every preto woman I know, It always makes my head feel a lot less foggy after having a good cry.
Also its always work telling your OH not to try and be nice sympathetic to you, I found it all a lot easier when mine stopped saying ' it'll be fine, we will get there'' and started telling me how shit everything is, and how much of a bitch so and so is!>
You need someone in that same brain space!
I hope you're journey isn't much longer... and I hope you get to rub something in that horrible woman face very soon!
Also Im so happy to hear about your brother! Thats amazing news xx

 

[Brinteg]

Hi there I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriages I can't imagine how much you must struggle! I pray you get there one day! And wow that friend of yours sounds super cruel, I don't blame you for wanting it to be over I hope you can find some peace with it! Im exactly the same I just can't get away from her all my family seen her last night and she posted a pic of my brother holding the baby I know it's ridiculous but that drove me insane! Plus she's been posting stuff online about 'loosing friends' and 'fake friends' blah blah and bragging constantly about her baby without a second thought as to why I'm acting the way I am, in my eyes she's always been completely selfish but I don't think she could ever see it as she's too small minded to even think this could be the reason I'm not seeing her etc! I do think sometimes maybe I'm too bitter but when my partner and I arnt getting anywhere it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel!! Thank you for your message and your kind words! This is all making me feel tons better! I wish you all the best Xxx

 

[MoominGirl]

Firstly, sorry to hear about your brother but I'm glad things are looking positive for him now.

I can tell you about our experience with not so good sperm results. Thankfully the process of submitting the samples always went smoothly - how annoying for you. My OH had a lower than ideal motility in his first sample - not terrible but could be better. All other parameters good and the total count was excellent. He did a repeat a month later and it was very similar. We were told by the fertility clinic that we didn't have a hope in hell of conceiving naturally and there was nothing we could do to improve it. This was despite me having a significant endometrial polyp at the time which could have been causing problems also. Despite her attitude, we set about improving our diets and trying to be a bit more active (so much easier if you both do it!) and also started his and hers conception vitamins. We then heard that repeat sperm analyses should be done at least 3 months apart as this is how long it takes to make sperm. So he did another sample and the motility was hugely improved. All other parameters were similar to before so I do think it's more than a coincidence. Sadly we're still not pregnant yet but I've now had the polyp removed so we've agreed to keep trying until March next year as that will be 6 months after before going down the IVF route. Due to our crappy first experience, I've asked the GP to refer us to an entirely different clinic as our experience at the first clinic really didn't fill me with confidence. As our tests are now more than 6 months old, we need then done again so it will be good to see what his sperm is doing.

As for your 'friend', unfortunately this journey really opens your eyes about how insensitive people can be. It's one of the many reasons I don't use Facebook as I just don't want these things shoved in my face when I'm having a bad day. I'm a very private person and I've been fiercely protective about our struggles which of course has it's pros and cons. I did disclose our situation to a close family member who initially was so supportive it was ridiculous and I really felt like a weight was lifted. Sadly that was short lived as one day she just decided to have a go at me about my feelings (I'd told her some things when I was having a bad day weeks before). We didn't speak for weeks after and if I'm honest if it had been anyone else, I'd never have spoken to her again. Our strong past relationship managed to pull me through but I'll never trust her the same way again and the topic is no longer for discussion. You will know how you would ideally like things to be. If you think you can build bridges that's great but it's totally ok if she's crossed a line and there's no going back. That's her loss.

This forum is brilliant for support and just general venting with people who actually get it. Good luck with everything.

 

[LuckyLaura]

Hey I'm so glad to hear your brother is doing better and in remission I'm sure you and your family are so relieved xx your friend sounds terribly selfish and tbh I hate people who publicly post things on FB about fake friends and basically drama seeking behaviour. She sounds terribly immature that instead of actually just sitting down and talking to you about the issue she's going to behave like a 16 year old schoolgirl about it. I would have done the exact same thing and taken massive steps away from her- who needs that kinda silly drama in their life.

I've just come out of the worst two years of my life with issues that basically put my whole life on hold and destroyed every part of my life which I'm now rebuilding and tbh it has really made me see the friends who are worth keeping but it has also given me a new perspective on drama and silly behaviour like that and I just don't have time for it when people in the world have real problems. Like your brother for instance had a real serious thing going on and what you and your OH are going through is real and serious. This bragging and FB drama is complete rubbish and I'd just unfollow if u don't want to unfriend and don't even let it into your head space xx

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