First pregnancy - Very scared

[louisex]

Hi everyone.

I've just found out that i'm pregnant (took a HPT and it was positive). It's the first time i've ever been in this sort of situation. I'm currently in a relationship but not living with my partner (we've only been together for 13 months). I'm 28 and live with my parents. My parents house is fairly big so there's definitely room for a baby but I don't think my parents would be happy with it at all. I've also only just started a new job (about a month ago) so wouldn't be entitled to maternity pay. My partner doesn't have a very good job so i'm worried that we can't afford a baby? I know people have been in similar situations and made it work so i'm just wondering how?

Any help, advice or similar experiences shared would be really appreciated.

 

[netty]

first of all...Congratulations!



secondly - take a breath its going to be fine I am worried about money even on a good mat pay scheme its something that happens to us all i think


you will be entitled to SMP which is given by the government so you will get something! granted it isnt much ( i am not sure how much......about £500 a month MAX )



I am sure your parents will want the best for you and support you even if you do still live at home, they love you and so will always be there for you!


things do have a way of working out! one step at a time lovely

 

[louisex]

first of all...Congratulations!



secondly - take a breath its going to be fine I am worried about money even on a good mat pay scheme its something that happens to us all i think


you will be entitled to SMP which is given by the government so you will get something! granted it isnt much ( i am not sure how much......about £500 a month MAX )



I am sure your parents will want the best for you and support you even if you do still live at home, they love you and so will always be there for you!


things do have a way of working out! one step at a time lovely

Thanks Netty! I know that it's likely that it will all work out and be fine - I'm just so worried! It's a big change and very scary!

I think I'll need to find somewhere to live as a family rather than burdening my parents - but i don't know if i can get much help as i'm not classed as homeless.
I'm scared to tell my parents as well as i know what my mum's like. She would say that i should really wait until we have a house and are financially stable etc.

When are you due? Is it your first?

 

[Shanivy]

Hi welcome to the forum

Firstly your worries are all totally normal. Any 1st mum feels that way, regardless of her age. I'm having my 2nd and in a way better financial place but still stressed over it. When I had my first I wasn't in a great position with money at all, but you can certainly make it work. We did and so many others do too...Your situation may not seem ideal, and as nice as it would be, there's no rule you need a 4 bed detached house, garden and BMW to be a successful mum. You can absolutely do this hun

As to money. Babies really don't need that much to start off with. You can find some fab deals too second hand on big items. A lot of mums in my July group found amazing deals 2nd hand like prams and cribs etc. Most almost brand new. You can also go into websites such as entitledto, to see what you will qualify for, i.e work and child tax, child benefits etc. And you will get a sure start maternity grant (£500) for a first baby. Then as Netty said there's SMP. With housing depending on your council, you usually qualify for housing once baby is born. You've plenty of time to get everything in and sorted

As to your parents, I'd definitely talk to them. But chances are you're worrying over nothing. If you want this baby I'm sure they'll be supportive. And no matter their reaction once he or she is here they'll be over the moon. Try not to worry lovely. And congrats xx

 

[netty]

babys dont always come when planned hun, thats the nature of things!


speaking with your parents should ease your mind if thats the biggest anxiety right now, we are in the middle of having a house built and my plan was to wait until later this year to try......I'm 4 months gone now hahaha! Yes it is my first


as shanivy said too check facebook marketplace for stuff as loads of people practically give away baby things!

 

[louisex]

Thankyou Shanivy and Netty!

I know these worries will all seem so silly in a few months time. I have only just found out i'm pregnant so i'll wait til I've had a scan i think until i tell my folks - gives me time to prepare i think! I just wish i had a few other things in place before this but i guess god works in mysterious ways!
Hopefully once i've got my head around everything and planned costs etc properly will feel better.
I'm just in panic mode a little bit now!

This group is great though. It's nice to be able to talk to people in a similar situation!

 

[BabyWomble]

Congratulations!

My situation isn’t ideal either, my partner and I met 14 months ago, however we’ve lived together for 12 months and we’re already discussing the future. I’d had problems in my job and just before discovering I was pregnant had left so I’ve had endless worry over money, however we’re working things out and have saved a lot by sourcing second hand items, our crib was used 3 times due to their baby not settling in it well. You can do this and it will probably bring you and your partner even closer together. I would tell your parents, people often say things, but in reality when faced with a situation they do a complete u turn and surprise us. They’re your parents and by what you have said they love you and would never see you as a burden. Have you told your partner? I’m sure he will echo our thoughts on this.

 

[Shanivy]

Your welcome I'm sure it all will work out. You should maybe consider having a look at the mummy groups here for expectant mums. There will be one for the same month as you're due and they can be so helpful. I'm in my July group and they've all been lifesavers on days. Good luck hun xx

 

[louisex]

How far along are you BabyWomble?

In regards to my parents, i'm not so sure. They've been okay with my siblings when they've decided to have children (altho shocked at first), but they had their own homes and lived with their partners. I'm scared they'll be disapproving of me. It's weird aswell because although i'm 28 and a grown adult, they still see me as a baby of the family as my siblings are all older.

I've not yet told my partner - i kind of wanted to wait until a little further along (even though i don't know how far gone i am). I know he will get really excited and end up telling people without meaning to and i would rather keep it between us and close family until at least 12 weeks. It may seem wrong to keep it from him but I just need to get my head around it all first tbh.

 

[BabyWomble]

How far along are you BabyWomble?

In regards to my parents, i'm not so sure. They've been okay with my siblings when they've decided to have children (altho shocked at first), but they had their own homes and lived with their partners. I'm scared they'll be disapproving of me. It's weird aswell because although i'm 28 and a grown adult, they still see me as a baby of the family as my siblings are all older.

I've not yet told my partner - i kind of wanted to wait until a little further along (even though i don't know how far gone i am). I know he will get really excited and end up telling people without meaning to and i would rather keep it between us and close family until at least 12 weeks. It may seem wrong to keep it from him but I just need to get my head around it all first tbh.

I’m 18 weeks, I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks.

You need to do what’s right for you, but I do think you should tell your partner, you need support and trust me, the first trimester is the hardest. I was so poorly and had all the worries that go hand in hand with the first 12 weeks, you also need to know medical info on both sides for your booking appointment.

 

[Blank_Page]

Congratulations! With regards to benefits you will be entitled to SMP (£563.33/mo) provided you work at your current job for at least 6 consecutive months before the baby arrives. You may also be entitled to working tax credits or sure start maternity grant which are income based. (I wasn't entitled to either despite it being my first baby because of my husband's earnings).

Do you know how far along you are? (roughly based on your last period). You normally have a booking appointment at 8 weeks which you need to call to book in your local area, where you meet your midwife and fill out lots of medical information. They need all that to register you to be able to get your scans so if you think you're about 4/5 weeksish or beyond give them a call because it's best to get all booked in. Then you have someone to talk to in confidence who can give you some guidance on telling people and what to expect going forward.

 

[GemLou97]

I found out i was pregnant in March and hadnt been with my partner for very long before that at all! I dreaded telling him nevermind my parents. I had been on the contraceptive injection and still managed to get pregnant. I told him thinking he would run for the hills and i told my parents the following day just for the support really because neither me nor my partner had been through this before and i figured my parents have raised 3 children and have more knowledge and can give better advice. I was absolutely terrified because i was only 20 and hadnt been seeing my partner for long and i was living with my parents but they were so supportive it actually took me by surprise! Give your parents a chance and they might surprise you with how supportive they are! Im now 12+5 and we have had our scan and everything is fine and i now live with my partner and we have started looking at baby things! Honestly once the news sets in with you and the important people in your life know they can help you with everything and then the excitement will kick it

Gem xx

 

[GBLiz]

i first found out i was pregnant with my first baby when i had only been with my partner 6 months! i had only just taken the job (where i met him) so like you i would not be entilted to anything maternity wise plus as it was a job 'on the road' it effectively put both of us out of a job! but at 31 I knew i had to just suck it up and deal with the consequences of being unexpectedly pregnant, its not like i was a teenager! We ended up starting our own business and were actually technically homeless by the time the baby came as we were staying in our business premises for 2 months while waiting to find out if we could get a mortage....with no income guaranteed..... 10 years later we are married and just had baby number 3......while we were both unemployed incidentally as we had just moved back to a previous area after finishing a work contract......so yet again, pregnant with no income! I have got almost everything free or very cheap. Babies dont cost much. If your mum says you should wait, well its a bit late now mum?!! baby is already in progress!! But i bet they will be overjoyed at a grandchild coming?

 

[MissKW]

Congratulations! Having a baby is the most wonderful experience!! I don't know why I didn't have one sooner lol!
Firstly I'm sure everyone will be delighted for you, babies are awesome and it's not like you are too young to take care of yourself or baby.
My baby is almost 10weeks, I don't get maternity pay but I'm fortunate that my hubby can substain us all on his wage. However so far I have found its really not as expensive as you may think. There are cheaper alternatives for everything, cots, baskets, prams, cloths, everything. You can also get very good deals second hand. So far we haven't used half the things we bought (you don't need cot until 6months, so just buy a basket or cosleeper for next to your bed, cloths, bottles etc just in case breastfeeding doesn't work out, nappies etc.
Since he has been born we just buy a pack of nappies every so often and wipes, that's it, doesn't add much on to our weekly shop at all. But I'm exclusively breast feeding so it is cheaper than formula feeding.
You will manage absolutely fine just like the rest of us, there's always a way, and it's all soooo worth it!!
Enjoy the experience and try to spread out costs, plus I'm sure family will gift you many items you need, which makes it cheaper still. Try not to worry about it too much

 

[Poppy18]

Just found out I am pregnant yesterday.. 4 weeks +4 apparently! I feel really scared because I don't have my mum around to tell she died 3 years ago. However I am even more scared to tell my sister because I think she will say I am to young! 24/35 in september!

Reading everyone's comments made me realise everyone gets this way. I am also worried about money because I think I may have to do this on my own, but again reading comments has made me feel like i can do this.

I've made my first prenatal app and started taking vitamins. I'm just not sure how and when is the right time to tell my sister! Help!

x

 

[WinterWolf]

Poppy you're not too young. I started trying at 25. Conceived at 26 but would've been pregnant at 24 if I had the choice! Physically, you're at the best age to have a healthy pregnancy. Financially it's probably better to wait but you can't guarantee that anyway! You'll do great x