Finding out the gender

[Wednesday]

Ahh I'm struggling!!!

I found out with my son that he was a boy at 16w... this time, I've decided not to find out. I've been really set on it as this is probably my last baby, so finding out at the birth will be lovely.

But... I feel like after I saw the nub in the 12w scan I already know it's boy... which is making me want to buy boys clothes. And now I'm sat here with three bags of boys clothes, and I'm wondering if I should actually find out to confirm or not.

I'm so torn!! I'd love the surprise at birth but arghhhh I feel like I already know

 

[CARNAT22]

I've had one surprise and one we found out at 20w scan.

I can honestly say there is nothing that comes close to the moment you are told you have a healthy son / daughter. It still makes me well up almost 5 years later when I think of it.

That said we are going to find out this time. Same as we did for second. Reasons are: a) we want to know which child will be sharing a room b) we want to spread the cost of anything we buy [we are going to go second hand as much as possible but of course there will be shopping ] c) I have a slight preference - as do the kids - so I want plenty of time for us to get used to boy/girl and d) we literally have no names so at least if we know sex we only have to find one name.

I'd say if you genuinely have no reason to find out (ie you don't have a preference or need to spread the costs of what you buy) then have a surprise.

I didn't know sex of number 1 but I was so convinced boy and I was right.

X

 

[TORino]

I have a preference and a strong one at that. I seriously think I would have that gender disappointment thing that I've read about.

For that reason, I probably am not going to find out.

Though I can see it would be very tempting, and especially as I'm having all of these extra scans etc I may not hold out.

The preparedness thing doesn't really bother me. I have enough neutral things to last a long time from last time.

 

[Cati]

I couldn't not find out! I don't do well with surprises!
And I was a bit smug when I found out it's a boy and I've had a feeling it was a boy from day one..

Whenever you choose to find out, I'm sure it will be special

 

[CARNAT22]

That's really interesting TORino. I have a bit of a preference and that is probably the main reason I am going to find out. I also think I "know" sex already so don't want to go 40w down the path of thinking baby was one sex and they turn out to be the other sex.

X

 

[TORino]

Yes.. I really want it to be a boy.

Because there aren't many boys in the family and our surname will disappear with my husband otherwise. Also I'd like one of each and I sometimes think little boys have special relationships with their mums where I don't really have that with my daughter because she is daddy daddy daddy.

And I'm not sure I'll be going through all of this again so that's it!

 

[TORino]

I realise that all sounds really bratty.. I'd give anything for it to be healthy at this point. Boy/girl otherwise.

 

[CARNAT22]

Oh God, healthy baby is the absolute most important thing and I feel awful for having a preference given that I have one of each (it feel almost like I am saying I prefer one of my kids???).

For me it's more practical and financial reasons that I have a preference? Having the 2 youngest the same sex makes the room sharing issue a bit easier and will save us a lot of money as my sister has a newborn girl so we'll have a lot more in the way of hand me downs. Of my 2 babies, boy was easier. My girl has been a handful from conception

With number 2, I was told almost immediately after the sex that there was a 'marker' for cystic fibrosis at the anomaly scan. Thankfully CF was worse case and a few extra scans and blood tests (me and OH to check we weren't carriers) eliminated the possibility but I felt huge guilt..... it was almost like finding out sex of baby had somehow overshadowed the most important thing - the health of the baby.

But all parents want and hope to have a healthy baby don't they? It almost goes without saying. And finding out the gender - to me - doesn't detract from babies health being paramount.

I'm rambling sorry, but just trying to say don't think knowing sex and having a preference has any impact on health of baby.

X

 

[millielaura]

I realise that all sounds really bratty.. I'd give anything for it to be healthy at this point. Boy/girl otherwise.

I agree with Carnat.. wanting a certain gender has no impact on the health of the baby and you shouldn't feel bad .

It took us 3 years and several losses for our baby girl and when we had our gender scan OH was a bit sad it wasn't a boy! I think he's spent so long thinking we wouldn't get a baby here and then building up if he could have one baby it would be a son etc and he was a bit upset she was a girl. He didn't really say too much but I could tell he was! I think that's when I first really got the whole gender disappointment thing like if he could feel disappointed after all we went through it must be a very valid thing? He wouldn't change our girl for the world now and she is such a daddies girl already lol I know he feels awful he wanted a boy but it doesnt change how much he loved her then and loves her now .
Next time I think I want a boy for him defo but quite a lot of me really wants a girl for her to have a sister

 

[Belfa]

We found out with our first and with the second I did go round for a couple of weeks saying I wasn't finding out. However, I had such a strong feeling that I was having a girl to the point I was ready to buy girls clothes and had picked a girls name that I HAD to find out and I was right!

Same with DS, I was sure he was a boy and not surprised at all when they told me that x

 

[Sugar10]

Well we have 4 boys , and obviously thinking a bit of pink would be lovely! I do feel guilty about feeling that way as obviously I'd choose baby being healthy and feel blessed having another aswel.
We had originally decided to have a surprise , my OH feels I'll be disappointed if it isn't a girl , so I think that's part of the reason, but I'd like to find out just so we can organised , with having the others to sort out and it being Christmas too!
I fee like you do, and we are still torn! have the scan on 25 th, so will decide then.

 

[Sugar10]

Just to add, I had 3 surprises which were lovely, and only found out with my last one as it was abit of a surprise and I'd already started getting rid of things. Part of me still wanted a girl but I didn't feel disappointed when he was another boy. X

 

[kanga86]

I'm not pregnant but just had to comment as I suffered quite badly with gender disappointment when I found out Alfie was a boy, I was so sure I was having a girl and that I was going to have 2 boys and a girl for years, so it really did hit me hard. Obviously I was so happy he was healthy, although I did feel bad that all our late on problems with him being under 5th centile and then having reduced movements for weeks and weeks before being induced at 37+5wks. I felt like some sort of punishment for not being grateful enough for a healthy baby in the beginning.

I have decided if we have a 4th (still trying to persuade my hubby) I wouldn't find out the gender as I feel if I know it's another boy early on, I won't get as excited but then you can't be disappointed when you meet your baby. But we will see... I will probably change my mind if I get to have another baby xx


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[Wednesday]

Thanks so much for sharing ladies!

I'm still really undecided... I'm 14+2 today so still a few weeks to go.

I think I'm going to have to stop myself from buying anything else - I have so much stuff already and it'll be a disaster hahax

 

[Baby Pickle]

I didn't find out with my daughter and it finding out with this one. It was what got me through the birth, most exciting surprise ever and I can't wait to experience that same feeling again, it was amazing x

 

[CARNAT22]

Conversely I'm not sure how much knowing / not knowing helped me with my labours. My 'surprise' was an epic 51h labour and my easy one (4 hours) was when we knew gender.

X

 

[vic30]

Hi!

We didn't find out with my daughter and it was the most wonderful experience having my husband telling me the gender, especially as we both had preference for a girl so convinced ourselves it was a boy! I've never been so happy.

This time things feel different - the pregnancy being unplanned for a start! We wanted to find out despite how wonderful finding out after labour was. We wanted to know because of all my daughter's clothes, if we'd have different genders sharing the same room and I was also worried that the wonderful experience from last time wouldn't be a good this time.,

We found out 3 weeks ago and it wasn't the lovely moment I had thought. We decided not to tell anyone so my daughter couldn't know and she was with us so the sonographer said she wouldn't say the words boy or girl. As soon as baby appeared on the screen, she went to the sideways shot and said "you see that bit there" that's what you're having...do you know what I mean?" 'Giggles all round...yes" I'd have thought she might have don't checks first so I was taken aback. We also had a second girl preference so I was a bit sad but couldn't be as my daughter was so cute with how she was reacting to stuff. Now however I'm not sad anymore. I'm quite excited at the thought of a boy. I know people say, and I'm one of them, that if you have a preference and don't get the gender you'd prefer and find out at birth then you can't be sad, but with hormones etc I really think I still would be so I'm glad I know now as the hope of a second girl has gone and I'm used to it. I also agree that having a preference has nothing to do with whether the baby is healthy or not. We all want healthy children - it's a given, not even worth mentioning it's so obvious. After that I think there must be a preference either way deep down if you admit it to yourself.

 

[Wednesday]

I had a 15w scan today privately to take my son to... she asked if we wanted to know the sex and I very nearly caved.... but I didn't! Still team green!

 

[ts2573]

It doesn't matter to me.
With DD 20 week scan they told us they were almost definite she was a boy.

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[CARNAT22]

Well done for staying strong Wednesday.

I'm having my sex scan in 2 weeks. A surprise would be lovely but the organised / list writing / control freak part of me me NEEDS to know I'm taking my 4yo to the scan as well.

Wow ts, so they got your sex wrong? Had you bought much for a boy? Its really unusual to be told boy and have a girl (apparently being told girl but having a boy is more common but it's still rare overall)

Some people go all out once they know the sex? Blue or pink everything and a lot of stuff is obviously washed / taken out of packets / used before baby comes so it's hard to swap?