That's it in a nutshell. And it's causing probs between me and Stu.
Since having scarlett I feel lonely and isolated pretty much all the time. I have no friends of my own anymore. We live in bristol, from notts originally- i moved here nearly 6yrs ago for uni and after me and stu decided tostay and buy a home here and all my uni mates left to go back to their home town. Since then I took a teacher training job which wasnt exactly sociable and bloody long and hard so i didnt really meet anyone else, then near the end of it I fell pg and now she's here I dont have anyone to talk to.
Im only 23 and 18months ago I had mates, a life and loads to look forward to. Now i feel trapped. My family dont speak to me, they pretty much abandoned me when i chose to move away to uni and ignored me all the way through my pregnancy, they still have made no attempt to see scarlett. Im struggling and feel like im so alone, no one cares or understands- on the surface I am fine, the ppl I do see I never let on as they r not close enough to be able to help, or want to. But im seriously going under. Stu's sick of it.
In bristol- the place I used to love the only friends I have are thro Stu as he moved here to be near his mates- I always assumed after uni Id move back home but we stayed and his mates have become mine. Ive lost touch with most of mine from notts. The females of his group r lovely and we get on fine but they are early 40's and I cant talk to them like I need- also as they r stu's mates its not good for realtionship moans etc and we have completely diff interrests. I feel like im inadvertenly aging myself- all I have to think about is house work and childcare.. god I love scarlett shes' my world and heartbeat but I NEED to feel like who I am, Mary 23 girl with so much I want to do but cant.
I wanted to travel and learn new stuff about myself- all i know now is that Im sick and tired of being on my own. Stu works away alot from Sunday to thurs and i swear to god when Im on my own with Letty those days I can go the whole 4 days not having had ONE conversation with another adult. I want to scream.
I have no one to ring, to get advice from for letty, no one to even chat to about the bloody weather or news. When I explain these things to stu he gets irrate as if im insulting our life - he's just like "well go make new friends" AS IF its that easy, ppl are already in their friendship groups and its bloody hard trying to just "get" a new friend my age.
I joined the gym and go most days now with Scarlett thinkin as well as losing the baby wieght (another issue) it would be sociable but its not- Ive tried to talk to the other mums but felt so much like a loser its put me off trying again.
Im even beginning to think im losing my ability to be able to chat and be normal with other girls as its getting so scarlett is the only thing i talk about- even if i do meet anyone they'l hardly want a 23 yr old mother cramping their style.
Stu arranged a night out tonight with a mate to go watch 'jethro' in town and I just broke down crying- not cos I dont want him to go but just cos it reminds me that I never do anything with my mates. Im always in- we never get a babysitter as have no one in bristol. The socialble stuff we do is always together or with his mates at our home- i never bloody leave it.
So ive pretty much ruined his night out and he is good to me, he's not a pig or anything and doenst deserve me spoiling the odd night out he gets but Im jealous thats it. I never get an odd night out- and he'd be fine with me doing so but I have no one to go with. How sad is that?
He's getting pissed off with my moods, my crying and saying that I feel my life has ended so soon and turned into my mother's basically. And who can blame him? But thats how it is for me.
I wanted to do a part time course at my local college to meet ppl but by the time I looked into it last month all the places had filled and dont start till sept 08. Im due to finish my training in feb so that wont work and as ive said my workplace is a very old environment, not sociable at all- plus its training so no time really.
Sorry, big whinge over, ive been wanting to post somethin for ages but thought its too miserable to even write but there's no one else and Im really fed up
Since having scarlett I feel lonely and isolated pretty much all the time. I have no friends of my own anymore. We live in bristol, from notts originally- i moved here nearly 6yrs ago for uni and after me and stu decided tostay and buy a home here and all my uni mates left to go back to their home town. Since then I took a teacher training job which wasnt exactly sociable and bloody long and hard so i didnt really meet anyone else, then near the end of it I fell pg and now she's here I dont have anyone to talk to.
Im only 23 and 18months ago I had mates, a life and loads to look forward to. Now i feel trapped. My family dont speak to me, they pretty much abandoned me when i chose to move away to uni and ignored me all the way through my pregnancy, they still have made no attempt to see scarlett. Im struggling and feel like im so alone, no one cares or understands- on the surface I am fine, the ppl I do see I never let on as they r not close enough to be able to help, or want to. But im seriously going under. Stu's sick of it.
In bristol- the place I used to love the only friends I have are thro Stu as he moved here to be near his mates- I always assumed after uni Id move back home but we stayed and his mates have become mine. Ive lost touch with most of mine from notts. The females of his group r lovely and we get on fine but they are early 40's and I cant talk to them like I need- also as they r stu's mates its not good for realtionship moans etc and we have completely diff interrests. I feel like im inadvertenly aging myself- all I have to think about is house work and childcare.. god I love scarlett shes' my world and heartbeat but I NEED to feel like who I am, Mary 23 girl with so much I want to do but cant.
I wanted to travel and learn new stuff about myself- all i know now is that Im sick and tired of being on my own. Stu works away alot from Sunday to thurs and i swear to god when Im on my own with Letty those days I can go the whole 4 days not having had ONE conversation with another adult. I want to scream.
I have no one to ring, to get advice from for letty, no one to even chat to about the bloody weather or news. When I explain these things to stu he gets irrate as if im insulting our life - he's just like "well go make new friends" AS IF its that easy, ppl are already in their friendship groups and its bloody hard trying to just "get" a new friend my age.
I joined the gym and go most days now with Scarlett thinkin as well as losing the baby wieght (another issue) it would be sociable but its not- Ive tried to talk to the other mums but felt so much like a loser its put me off trying again.
Im even beginning to think im losing my ability to be able to chat and be normal with other girls as its getting so scarlett is the only thing i talk about- even if i do meet anyone they'l hardly want a 23 yr old mother cramping their style.
Stu arranged a night out tonight with a mate to go watch 'jethro' in town and I just broke down crying- not cos I dont want him to go but just cos it reminds me that I never do anything with my mates. Im always in- we never get a babysitter as have no one in bristol. The socialble stuff we do is always together or with his mates at our home- i never bloody leave it.
So ive pretty much ruined his night out and he is good to me, he's not a pig or anything and doenst deserve me spoiling the odd night out he gets but Im jealous thats it. I never get an odd night out- and he'd be fine with me doing so but I have no one to go with. How sad is that?
He's getting pissed off with my moods, my crying and saying that I feel my life has ended so soon and turned into my mother's basically. And who can blame him? But thats how it is for me.
I wanted to do a part time course at my local college to meet ppl but by the time I looked into it last month all the places had filled and dont start till sept 08. Im due to finish my training in feb so that wont work and as ive said my workplace is a very old environment, not sociable at all- plus its training so no time really.
Sorry, big whinge over, ive been wanting to post somethin for ages but thought its too miserable to even write but there's no one else and Im really fed up