Fertility tests

[Blueflower]

I had a fertility test in April (I’m 39 so was allowed one after we’d been trying for 9 months just to put my mind at rest!) and it was fine, phew! I’m not too old and everything is still working fine! The problem is that my husband STILL hasn’t done his test and I’m getting impatient! I know its an excruciatingly embarrassing thing to have to do, he has to fill a tube then drive it to the hospital first thing in the morning, but I feel that we are stuck not knowing until he does it. He assumes that he’s fine and there’s no need to do it, but I’d like to make sure so that I can get further tests if necessary, or if we just need to wait another year or more to get pregnant! I’ve mentioned it casually a few times in the last 2 months and he said he’d do it, but hasn’t! I don’t want to make a big thing of it or nag him, what can I do?!

 

[mishi]

I think you're going to have to put your foot down hon. Try banning sex until he gets tested - that should hurry him up!!x

 

[LouiseB]

Yeah, put your foot down.

You're hitting the age limit for free IVF and if his sperm analysis is wonky then you MUST have IVF, there will be no getting out of it.

His delaying could cost you both £5000 per 30% chance of conceiving

I twisted my hubby's arm with the "don't you want a child as much as me? " ploy

 

[Blueflower]

Thanks, I will!

 

[HopesDreams]

Good luck with it all. Like the girls said, putting your foot down seems to be the only way forward. Good luck!!

 

[seraphim]

my OH did the sperm count test but they insisted he create the sample in the department (room set aside for such things) and they said they would be testing it within 45 minutes of it being produced in order to get an accurate reading.

Sounds to me like he is worried of what the test may say.

I think frank honesty is best.He needs to know how important it is to you and also that the age factor for you means fertility can decline which can also mean your chances drop the longer its left.

Besides,it simpy isnt fair to you.He can have kids when he is collecting his pension (in theory) so no rush for him but he should be made aware of the facts that women dont work that way and he is playing with fate and fertility and future possible potential for you to have kids together.

Hope it works out.

 

[JJ Mum]

My hubby had t done at A private clinic, and although he was dead stressed, and I went with him and waited outside for moral support, he got through it and actually was pleased once he got good news back, like he was a real man. But either result, it will have ticked another box off the list and the docs will have to keep looking into/helping you . I'm 39 too, and do worry about how long I have left..

Wishing you every sucessw with your TTC journey

 

[Blueflower]

Well, I spoke to him about it, I said I was upset that he hadn't done the test yet, and he was annoyed! He said my comment had come out of nowhere, he'd been working 11 hour days and he didn't think it was that important! He then apologised but said that he would do the test in 2 weeks, but he doesn't want kids as much as I do. That wasn't what I wanted to hear! He said I'm the most important thing in his life and he doesn't need kids in order to be happy. That's lovely but I've always wanted them!

He said if its upsetting me so much its not worth it. I feel really terrible at the moment, I can't imagine never being a mum.

Maybe he is worried about the results but I assured him that as I've had a possible implantation bleed a couple of times, he's probably fine.

 

[seraphim]

Sounds like hes fretting and looking for ways to get out of it.I dont know your OH,i may be way off but it really sounds like cold feet from him to me.

Maybe he is *really* worried.

It actually sounds like he is trying to ease you into not being let down.Is it possible he already knws what a test will say?Like a past medical thing maybe or he has been tested in his past before?

Just sounds odd,like someone whose got cold feet and is trying to back track using any reason available.

I could be way of the mark here of course.

Were it me,id stay away from the subject,not enquire or mention anything about it or relating to it for that 2 weeks.

If still no test that for me would be a clear sign some talking needs to be done.Just my take though

As i said before,men have all the time in the world ,we dont and at 39 its absolutely unfair to not be upfront to you when he knows how important being a mother is to you.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to know whats going on and if theres anything that could prevent or decrease the chances of pregnancy for you.

Bottom line for me would be (im a little younger but not by much)ive got limited time honey,id love to let nature take its course but *if* there's somethign thats stopping nature do that,its important for us to find it out because ive not got decades ahead for you and I to have our own baby together.

Me and my OH discussed this between us.Was a bit weird but while he originally was very relaxed and kind of if pregnancy happens in the course of things ,great,he wasnt aware of the window of opportunity,the decline in fertility with age and the stuff involved with getting on a fertility clinic waiting list for stuff.When we talked and he understood,he appreciated the context of everyting,realised time was of the essence and has applied hmself to doing what he can to up his sperm count by quitting smoking.

If it was the other way around and men had a cut off point in their lives where they simply were no longer able to father kids i think more of them would understand the sense of anxiety a woman can feel by the thought of never becoming a mum.

Hope he takes the test and everythings fine for you both

 

[Blueflower]

Hi Seraphim! Thanks for your reply, I found it really helpful.

I think you could be right about him preparing us just in case he does have a problem. I asked him ages ago if he’d ever made anyone pregnant or if any ex girlfriends had any miscarriages or abortions and he said no but I think he might have hesitated first. (There was something way back I discovered, but he might have just been angsty about this girl who finished with him.) He might also have not wanted to upset me.

He did say that he thought I was implying that it was his fault we haven’t conceived yet, but I told him it was because the doctor won’t give me any further tests until he gets his test results.

He’s away with work for 2 weeks now, so I won’t mention it until he comes back and if he says he’s doing the test I’ll reassure him that I expect the result will be fine but if its not we can work through it. If he still doesn’t do it I will have to ask again! V stressful!

Yes I think blokes are quite naïve about fertility and things like that. He had no idea women are only 20% fertile aged 35-40 and that the chances of IVF working are so slim after 40. I suppose a lot of them just go through life not having to worry about it, their partner becomes pregnant, then they have 9 months to get used to the idea. I’ve heard of a few men who didn’t want kids, then when their partner reached 44 they suddenly changed their mind and went off with a younger woman leaving the partner alone and childless. How horrible. I’m sure mine won’t do that, but he does need a kick up the backside sometimes! I suppose that’s also one of the problems of being with a younger man!

He doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink much and gets plenty of exercise, he’s never had a day off work sick since I’ve known him! So no problems there. But I was watching a soap opera where the bloke had a low sperm count and it caught his attention, so I think he may be worried about that. Especially as my blood test was fine, it’s a lot of pressure for him to be under.

Fingers crossed once he’s had the test results we can both relax and things will happen naturally.
Thanks again for the good advice!