Fell out with my mum

[TORino]

My mum has been helping me out all week and has been great sorting things for me and watching the baby while I nap.

Now my mum used to smoke and I told her I don't want her around the baby if she is going to be smoking 20 a day as I really don't agree with it - quite harsh I know but that's how I feel.

She told me she would quit etc and didn't bother until weeks before I was due the baby. She has quit before and started again so I was hoping she would make a proper attempt at it this time for her own health as well as Tilly's.

She's been picking up my baby all week and I got a whiff of her coat earlier and it stank of fags so I asked her and she's said she's smoking again.

I told her not to bother coming tomorrow to help out and she's really upset at me.

I feel bad for upsetting her but she doesn't think it will do any harm and doesn't see the problem. I'm furious that she's lied to me about it (I asked her the other day and she said she has been to a service users house and they were smoking and that's why it was on her clothes)

what a crap situation

 

[Hope81]

I would make her to carry with her clean clothes and change every time she enters your house.
Unfortunately smoking is an addiction and it's more than a promise for some people that's needed to quit smoking.

I also though I hate smoking I believe in free will and as long as she change her clothes when she enter my home I would let her I suppose.

 

[pinkyprincess]

I'm having issues with my OH. We quit a week before I got my BFP. not long after thatch started behind my back. He quit again before my DD and started again behind my back after he was born. I knew and made him admit it and I'm obviously fuming. He has to change and wash his hands and face before he comes anywhere near my boy and he will be quitting once his work has calmed down next month. he's going to the doctor this time and I'm gonna go with him to make sure! I know it's hard and not idea but i think you'll need to make some sort of compromise. I made him watch that new advert about smoking around your kids. scary stuff!

 

[TORino]

Im really cross with her attitude. She doesn't think it will do any harm cos she smoked when i was born etc.

I hate this, really don't like this situation

 

[rosey]

you should say to her 'whats more important to you, smoking or your granddaughter?'

 

[TORino]

you should say to her 'whats more important to you, smoking or your granddaughter?'

I did

She said how dare you, called me ungrateful said loads of horrible things to me and then got upset.

I know she finds it hard but if this isn't incentive enough to her then I don't know what is.

 

[Nic36]

She needs to respect your decision - you decide what your LO is exposed to, and you have every right t be annoyed. Having said that, having a mum to help out is invaluable, so hopefully you can reach a compromise (clean clothes, wash hands, etc. ). Hopefully it'll all work out for you. Xx

 

[prettypenguin]

My mum quit 2 months before c was born, and I don't think she smokes now but I don't see her very often. As I've never smoked myself I can't imagine what its like except I would find it hard to stop eating chocolate, or cheese as I love cheese lol. I think the change of clothes thing is a good idea, perhaps just have it out with her about respective your decision and makibg you feel comfortable, I'd be pretty peed off about the lying (absolutely hate lying) and the not bothered attitude xx

 

[BabyBrain]

Giving up is so so hard for many people, others just seem to be able to do it straight away. The trouble with any addiction is the more people go on about it the more people do it to spite them, and being your mum she probably thinks you have no right to tell her to quit.

Personally I would eat a little bit of humble pie and apologise for upsetting her....then put a deal on the table. There must be a goal you want to set yourself so maybe if you do your goal and she gives up smoking then it seems a bit more fair to her? Plus you can moan to each other on the hard days and congratulate each other on the good days.

My aunt quit after 55 years of smoking with the tablets you can get from the doctor. They seem to work better than nicotine replacement therapy for a lot of long term smokers.....maybe suggest it.

Hope you get it resolved soon hunny xxxxxxxxx

 

[BevG]

i personally wouldnt fall out with her over it, just make her wash her hands. then again my oh smokes and as long as its not in the room with baby i dont fuss about it.

 

[Hunnie]

I wouldn't fall out with her over it either as by doing that you're probably just making it harder for her and she'll turn to the fags even more to calm herself down.

My OH smokes and all I ask is that he doesn't smoke around Sophie, that he washes his hands, brushes his teeth and changes his clothes before he holds her. Makes more washing for me but he will have a fag on his way home and then changes when he comes in. I don't agree with him smoking but noones perfect and everyone has a weakness x

 

[HannahBubble7]

I'm having issues with my OH. We quit a week before I got my BFP. not long after thatch started behind my back. He quit again before my DD and started again behind my back after he was born. I knew and made him admit it and I'm obviously fuming. He has to change and wash his hands and face before he comes anywhere near my boy and he will be quitting once his work has calmed down next month. he's going to the doctor this time and I'm gonna go with him to make sure! I know it's hard and not idea but i think you'll need to make some sort of compromise. I made him watch that new advert about smoking around your kids. scary stuff!

I also have this problem but I used to smoke and we were meant to stop together . I new deep down he was still smoking but he kept saying he wasn't . One day I also forced him to admit it . I have now stopped for 9 months whilst he still smokes at work . I found it so hard but done it for our lovely daughter and I am so proud of myself . I am now finding it hard again not being pregnant and have the stress of a baby but I am determined not to smoke . I'm not going to lie I'm jealous that he still gets to go to work and smoke and I don't . Xxx

 

[TORino]

She came round today and promised she hadn't had a cigarette.

If she insists on smoking then I will insist on a change of clothes and her cleaning herself up before she touches the baby.

I know smoking is a contentious issue but I can't stand it personally and I will do what I can to ensure the air my little princess breathes in is smoke free. If that means limiting time with nanna then so be it sadly.

 

[BabyBrain]

I think the transition from daughter to mother makes it hard for our mums sometimes. Whereas before we would just accept their ways and the things they did when we were young when we have our own children it all becomes very different, we become more equal.

 

[littlemiss83]

My OH smokes & tbh I would never try & stop him as its his decision & he's a grown man. As long as he changes his clothes, washes hands & face & uses mouthwash then theres no problem as far as i'm concerned. LO isn't near a smoke fume when he does those things.

Anyway, yeah i think you did the right thing by not falling out, its very difficult for ppl to stop smoking, and just because one person manages to stop easily doesn't mean its as easy for everyone. Oh and often smokers dont realise how they smell

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[katie_lou]

Hope things are ok with you and your mum hun xxx