Feelings of being trapped

[Annabanna33]

Hiya, ive been awake since 5 this morning mulling this over in my mind. Me and my other half were together for 5 months before i found out i was pregnant. Since then he has moved into my house, and helping out around the house. Trouble is im feeling totally stifled in my own house. I dont even feel physically attracted to him anymore. And most of the time i range from being midly annoyed to wishing he wasnt there anymore.
Unfortunately there is no way i can have this baby and be able to afford to raise it by myself. I feel im trapped being with someone i dont think i even love.

HELP!!!!!!

 

[EllieBelle]

I just dont what to say hun. although I have been in a very similar relationship (I was with him for 4 years), and after many months decided I just didnt love him and felt like a caged animal - fortunately we were not married, nor did we have children!

Its a really tricky one, especially as you say you cant cope financially on your own, but then again its not really fair staying with a man just for financial reasons because of the baby! Are you absolutely sure its not your hormones making you react this way?

If not is there anyway you can give each other some more space, and get the relationship back on track?

I think you need to be honest with him, and sit down and talk things through sensibly. If you really dont love him anymore are you really prepared to stay with him for another 6+ years before your child goes into full time education?

I know its hard, but I would have a proper heart to heart with him!

Good luck hun

 

[jools221181]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way
As EllieBelle says, you really need to talk and be honest with him. Maybe if you have a bit of space from eachother it will help you see hoe you really feel.

Sorry I can't be of any help

 

[claire_louise]

awww hun, i've read your other post aswell and i cant help wondering if maybe the two things are linked?

try talking to him, perhaps suggest some things that you want to do without him around, or things that you might like to do together

on the absolute worse case as he's the father he'll be able to help finanically even if you're not together. im dreading coping moneywise on my own, but i will make it be ok because i have to

 

[Annabanna33]

hey claire louise, are you gonna be a single mummy? how r u going to cope financially?

A
x

 

[claire_louise]

yep im going to be a single mummy, split with my bf before we found out about baby, he's now seeing someone else, who he doesnt want to know about the baby, and has made it clear he will not be seeing his child EVER. which given the kind of person he is in a strange way im thankful for.

at the moment i dont know how im going to cope. im extreamly lucky in that my dad's 1/2 sister has 3 kids and never threw anything away so she's giving me everything she has. but day to day i dont know. i know due to my previous job i will be entitled to a small amount of maternity allowence, and child benefit. im thinking about starting to buy things now, nappies and stuff, but decided to wait till after my 20 week scan to be 100% sure everythings ok.

 

[kayzee]

HI

Sorry your feeling poop love

Im a single mum of 3 after being married for 12 years and then i divorced. I started a new relationship and thought it was forever we decided to start to have another as my age isnt on my side, but 1 year down the line after a nightmare holiday i now find myself expecting number 4 and being on my own It is a scary thought but i wasnt prepared to be in a relationship just for the sake of money or to just make him happy when i wasnt.

He still has an obligatory commitment to you and baby even if you are not together, and there is support there for you if you decide to go it alone. Single parent benefit,child maintenance, child tax credit, homestart etc etc It is hard and can be done luv
It will make yourself feel worse and more depressed for you to stay in a situation that your not happy with, and it wont do the baby any good either with the stress hormones affecting you either

We're alll here for you if you need a chat hun anytime, as you need to do what is right for you and your baby.

Feel free to pm me anytime or add me on msn if you need a chat [email protected]

Take care hun

 

[Sherlock]

Please remember that during pregnancy our hormones and so on can run away with us. And cause us to feel differently about people and things. Not saying how you are feeling isn't something real, but to be aware of it and not make any rash decisions.

 

[fran_23]

Please remember that during pregnancy our hormones and so on can run away with us. And cause us to feel differently about people and things. Not saying how you are feeling isn't something real, but to be aware of it and not make any rash decisions.

I was going to say the same thing. During my pregnancy i felt like i didn't want my sons dad near me a lot of the time, my mum told me her hormones made her push my dad out when she was pregnant aswell...so it could be due to your hormones that you feel like this, i agree don't do anything rash!

 

[KateQPR]

maybe it's worth trying to find a professional you can talk to (like a counsellor or something) so you can quietly try and figure out exactly what the problem is, before you jump to a solution. It could be a mixture of things (hormones, as i've definitely felt odd feelings towards my OH during the last few months, or an issue of space and your own identity and that you've been rushed into living together etc). Take some time to figure it out before you start the conversation with him, as it may be that you;ll feel differently in a couple of months time. Or you may start to clearly see exactly what the problem is, and then will be more confident when you do talk to him about it.

How did you honestly feel about him before the pregnancy? Did you have doubts then, or has it all started recently? Hope you feel better soon x

 

[Mik]

Moving in with someone can be extremely stressful with you both learning how the other lives day to day and there is no more hiding the bad hair days etc etc and to have pregnancy hormones on top of all that stress and the worry about how you will cope financially and otherwise with an unexpected bundle I am not surprised you are feeling this way hun. Maybe say to your OH you are feeling overwhelmed with pregnancy and the speed of the relationship and ask if he could visit family for a couple of days as you need some space. If you do it carefully I am sure he will be ok with that and it will give you time to think clearly. As Sherlock said don't rush into decisions it may be the right relationship just hard to cope with it all happening so quickly.

 

[Snooky]

yeh this could just be hormones so don't do anything rash!! Especially if you have just moved in together, you need time to learn to live with one another etc

give it a little time yet hon

X

 

[Annabanna33]

Hiya, quick update. so far everything is going pretty well again. Feelings have totally done an about turn and i think it may have been my hormones going do lally. I have promised myself that i will not make any important decisions whilst pregnant, you just dont know if theyre what youre really feeling!!!

A
x

 

[EllieBelle]

Thats brilliant news hun

I dont think you realise just how powerful the hormones can be, and how irrational they can make you feel, and often over very simple things!

Just glad to hear you are feeling better about things which is really great news