Feeling very selfish.

[l_maclean]

Warning - this is prob gonna be a load of waffle!

I had my first outting without G last night. I went to a dance for a few hours and left her with daddy. I went on my own instead of with friends, and left early so he didn't have her for too long.

I was barely in the door, not even got my coat off and she was getting thrust at me. She was grissling but not screaming. But DH said she'd been on and off for over 2 hours, and she obviously just wanted me!

Thing is I really wanted last night to go well for him, cos I need him to be able to do this.

I love my daughter more than anything, but I don't want to give up being me. I want to be able to go back to my dance class, or see friends.

I'm sitting here in tears this morning, cos all I can think is that he's not gonna want me to go out again, then I feel like a bitch for needing time away from her.

Some of my friends have hinted that while she's so little I could take her to class with me (once a week) cos she'd just sleep. But then I dunno if that's selfish as well, cos she'll get her routine confused (when we get into one)

Xxx

 

[katie_lou]

Hey hun ur not being selfish at all, you still need time for yourself. I personally wouldn't take her to the class I would let her spend that time with ur partner but that's just my opinion. I do think at times u do need that little break where you do the things u enjoy xxxx

 

[Nic36]

That's not selfish at all - you need time away from the baby for you to keep a sense of your own identity. I am looking forward to a couple of hours 'me time' this afternoon when hubby will look after Emily... It will e the first time in three weeks that I will be going out alone and I really need those couple of hours. Cant decide what to do though... Either go shopping for some clothes that actually fit as I have none that fit me anymore... Or go to a meditation class which would also do me the world of good... decisions, decisions! Enjoy your 'me time' and never fee guilty about it! xx

 

[l_maclean]

Thing is after last night, I dunno that he's gonna cope well with that idea, and I'm not sure how much to push it. Xxx

 

[marley]

Hey Hun,

Sorry to hear your feeling like this.

How old is lo?
Is this the first time alone?

1. Your not selfish, your baby needs a happy and balanced mummy in order to do the best job you can.

2. The more time OH has with LO on his own , the more he will get used to and learn to adapt to LO needs.


I go to a course on sat 9-2 and oh struggled a lot on his own at first, he would get stressed and anxious, didn't seem to enjoy it- 2 months in he is a pro and looks forward to his sat morning with his little girl. I'd ask him what went wrong when I got back and give him little pointers of how to settle /soothe her. Sometimes men can be like children, give him a few pointers , explain baby's needs and show him how to re settle etc! I think baby needs mummy and daddy just as much, and sometimes men just need to slow down and adapt/ listen to babies needs.

Good luck Hun!!


Apologies for any typos!

 

[lewisca]

It's not selfish !! And your oh needs to get used to having her on his own and G needs to get used to daddy looking after her. Make sure u go again next week hun and if oh moans then point out he gets time away xxx

 

[Maybe_mummy]

Your not selfish at all. Everyone needs some time away from their LO. You have carried them for 9 months and cared for them as best you could and they arrive and the care continues but it should be shared with your OH. Yes they will initally find it difficult (we all have as well as mummies at times!) but they will find their own way through it.

I left my OH with my daughter as had to nip to work for a few hours and he was sort of the same. I missed her but it was nice to be me again and not just a mummy and that is very important and you shouldnt feel guilty for feeling like that!

He will get used to her and how to calm her and you should have a bit of time away as well. I think they will become more clingy if you do take them everywhere and you are constantly with them then the day you do leave them it will be harder for the other person thats caring for them. But thats just my opinion.

Your not selfish at all hunnie XXX

 

[Bunnykins]

Your not selfish for wanting a little you time, my mil takes lo sometimes on a Friday and I swear I count the hours down from Thursday night! It's not because I don't love being with him but because he is a very full on baby literally cannot be left alone he needs constant entertaining and those 2 hrs the odd Friday let me catch up on things, and I appreciate him so much more when he comes back!!

Try and get your oh to persevere esp if she is upset and missing you that means he should be spending more time with her so she'll be more confident around him, he could maybe start by taking her to do a food shop on his own etc then when it comes to your next dance class they'll be best buds and she'll barely notice you've gone!! Me and OH did this, he often takes lo into town on a Saturday and meets his brother and he is now really confident with lo and I know I could leave him to babysit if I ever needed to.
She was maybe having a bad night anyway and next time she could be fine xxxxxx

 

[Bunnykins]

Could you look to see if there are any daddy baby groups that he could take lo to? We have one in our area, its only once a month and its actually on today so oh has taken lo they get a big daddy brekkie where he can get to know other daddies and all the babies get to play together, its run by a local church we aren't religious but found out about it in our local newsletter.

 

[l_maclean]

Thanks everyone.

She's just reaching 4 weeks, and yeah, that was his first time on his own. And I know he was really nervous.

Unfortunately DH is really antisocial so I think a group would be his worst nightmare.

Xxx

 

[positivity :)]

Just to reiterate what the girls said, Ur not selfish and you NEED to do it! I'm out tonight and do feel a bit nervous about it but I know deep down my OH has to do it to get better at it. I left LO for 2 hours about a month ago with OH and ge didn't cope, called me To tell me to come home. We fell out so badly that I actually packed my stuff to leave! He has now realised I need a short break and some me time every now and again as ultimately it makes a happier home for us all. Iv left LO 3 times since and all has been fine. Tonight tho I'm going out for the night and drinking so be literally has him the whole night wish me luck!!

Please don't feel selfish and please do it again xx

 

[Hayley1608]

THe worst thing you could do is just accept it and not go again. Then he will never ever learn. It sounds awful but sometimes dads have to struggle and have a difficult few hours with Lo to be able to learn to manage and to know what to do.

Also you have to manage when he's not there... why shouldnt he?

That's the way I see it but it has taken me nearly 7 months to realise it. Your a mummy and its the nest job in the world. But you still need to remember you. And have some time where you can just be you. You deserve it... Don't feel bad about it.

X

 

[Belfast girl]

Not selfish!! God I need a break from my lo and she is so easy going! it was hard for your oh this time but it will get easier for him and its important that they have a nice bond as well. She will be a daddies girl in no time!

She probably picked up on 'nervous' vibes anyway!

 

[BevG]

my OH has Alyssa every night for a few hours so i can sleep and not have to listen out for her. i always went to bed before him anyway so i go at 12 or so and he has her downstairs with him til he comes to bed at about 3am just in time for her next feed. he changes her, entertainsher if shes awake and soothes her if she grizzles and i dont think its too much for you to ask your OH to do that too. hell i can barely prize my baby from daddys hands lol. he even wants to push the pram all the time

 

[littlemiss83]

My OH is the same, even if I just nip out to collect eldest from school (takes 5-10mins) if he's been crying, if he's fine, then OH is fine. I've still not been on any nights out or even shopping on my own & LO is nearly 5 months. Cant wait to get my life back. OH does alot & I dont wana push him into something he obvs isn't comfortable with.

Glad you got a night out! I'm desperate for one

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[l_maclean]

my OH has Alyssa every night for a few hours so i can sleep and not have to listen out for her. i always went to bed before him anyway so i go at 12 or so and he has her downstairs with him til he comes to bed at about 3am just in time for her next feed. he changes her, entertainsher if shes awake and soothes her if she grizzles and i dont think its too much for you to ask your OH to do that too. hell i can barely prize my baby from daddys hands lol. he even wants to push the pram all the time

He does that kinda stuff in the house, in fact if she's windy he's adamant he's better at it than me. Lol. He seems a bit calmer this morning. Xxx

 

[Cantstop]

Not selfish at all - it's totally reasonable for you to have a few hours a week off! I'd say it's a shame it wasn't great first time for them both but tough titties, he'll just have to get used to it. Men should bloody well have to learn how to look after their own kids, and it'll get easier the more he practices!