Feeling so low :( - Is this normal?

[may18]

Please no judging as I'm already feeling horrible and guilty
I'm currently 9 + 2 weeks pregnant, pregnancy was intentional (well left to fate to decide as I was starting to think it wasn't going to happen). My partner is very happy and I've been very excited up until now, as well as the usual anxiety and nerves over wanting everything to be okay. Had the usual symptoms of constant nausea, extreme tiredness and been a bit mood swingy but I know that's all normal. We've had an early scan and had first midwife appt last week.
I have a child already but quite a big age gap and had a tough time with PND
And being a single parent at the time, all of which was worth it of course.

All of a sudden today I'm feeling so incredibly low and, terrible as this sounds, really questioning whether I can do this. Whether my relationship is strong enough, whether I'm ready for baby. Am getting myself into an absolute panic, pushing my partner away and genuinely wondering if I can go through with everything. can't stop crying.
I don't mean to sound horrendously ungrateful, I've been so happy about it all and this has suddenly come on, hoping this is just normal pregnancy hormones messing with my head??

 

[HnnhSrh]

Do you suffer from any depression prior to pregnancy? As I certainly do and being oregnant has only seemed to increase my anxiety and negative thoughts about myself, partner and my little bump.

Have you discussed how you’re feeling with you partner? Luckily I’m comfortable enough to do so and even luckier he is incredible and genuinely so supportive.

From everything I’ve read it’s totally normal to feel anxiety and the thought that something is wrong etc.

I hope you start feeling better ��

 

[Princesssaxy]

I literally could have written so much of your post bar the child already! I've suffered from anxiety and depression for years and taken medication for it. Probably should have tried counselling etc but was put off years and years ago at uni when they told me there was nothing wrong with me. Currently off medication and my husband (who also struggles with depression at times and has in the past) is struggling with the fact that I'm so down all the time. I definitely have more meh days than good days. I don't deal well with being ill at the best of times so all of these symptoms I'm getting now are sending me crazy. I'm restless and have no idea what to do with my time - I'm a teacher so on half term and the best ideas I come up with is that I'll just go to sleep as there's nothing else to do or I have no energy to do anything else.

Sorry that this isn't really a helpful post, more my own moaning but just letting you know you're not alone!

 

[may18]

Thank you for the replies, it is comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling like it.
Yes I have suffered from quite severe depression and anxiety in the past but have been much better for a long time, maybe these hormones and general tiredness is just bringing it up slightly again.

My partner is fantastic and so supportive usually, to be honest I feel bad because I haven't given him a chance to be today. I met him half way through his shift, completely ranted about how I can't do it anymore and then left without even giving him time to respond, then couldn't bring myself to answer the phone to him the rest of the day. Just got myself into such an anxious sstate and felt so low he's back from work in a little while so hopefully that'll help once we can have a chat.

Counting down the days until I have some annual leave from work as I don't think the constant exhaustion feeling is helping either to be honest.

Thank you xx