Feeling like I dont fit in with anyone!

[mumm2b24]

Hello
Just wanted to know if this is common in pregnancy.

I am 23 weeks pregnant and 24 years old. I feel like im not fitting in with anybody at the moment, i feel like i have different opinons to everyone.
I have different groups of friend plus do baby yoga and dont feel I fit in with any of them.
I isloated myself from alot of people for the first 3 month as my partner didnt want me to tell anyone and I was giving up smoking and all my friends smoked so I stayed away from the temptation.

I still make a effort and try to arrange things with the girls but dont feel i have anyone that there for me anymore.

My partner is not really interested in the affection side even thou i told him he cant hurt the baby.

I feel very demotivated at the moment and just wondered if this is common or if sign of depression.

Thanks for reading and please any comment will do

 

[Lolly85x]

Hi, didn't want to read and run. I kinda know how you feel. My partner is really good and supportive. But I have really notices you find out who your friends are when your pregnant. I guess I don't really have any good advice, except hormoans have alot to answer too! Ha! Make you feel up and down a the time. But I'm sure I'd you
Maybe seen some friends in situations that you are conmortable in, you will be ok. But like I said you know who your friends are when your pregnant xx

 

[misscrazycooki]

I have found pregnancy makes me up and down alot. I know its hard but have you thought about maybe seeing if you can attend any baby groups and clubs to find new friends and mummies. I loved going to the centre after my son was born as I hadn't been anywhere or talked to anyone in months while being pregnant.

 

[Karate Kid]

Heya Hun,

I can relate to how you feel.... I got married at 22 years old and most of my friends who I had grown up with and gone to school/collage with suddenly stopped talking to me. I got married abroad and two of what I thought were my closet friend were my bridesmaids, they traveled out for the wedding but made my life hell whilst we were away! After we got back one of them spoke to me and told me that we just had nothing in comon anymore because I was married, owned a house and didn't know what it was like to be a 'struggling student' because I had a husband with a secure job and that I was 'no fun' because I didn't want to go out and get plastered (even though I have never been a big drinker). Safe to say I no longer speak to these girls.

I have really close friends one is my childhood best friend, and others are a bit older than me (26 upwards) they are the only ones who I click with and they all have or are trying for babies.

Thankfully my husband is amazing but I do think he feels like he is a spare part in this whole process.

Maybe it would be worthwhile speaking to your Midwife about what you are going through at the moment, even if it is not depression as such pregnancy and raising a child is such a stressful time as it is.

I plan on joining mother and baby groups when LO arrives so that I have others in the same situation around me and LO has a circle of friends to play with!

Just remember it is such an exciting time for you and your partner but is is also so demading you you as a woman xx

 

[Loula]

I kinda know how u feel,
My good friend decided to abandon me when i found out i was pregnant and alot of my other friends were all about going out all weekend every weekend so ive been on my own a little aswell.
Dont have a partner either so have been relying on family all the way through.
I defo plan on meeting other new mums at groups and stuff as i feel this will be good for me and baby.
My advice would be to try and get out there for defo and try and make some arrangements with friends jut for dinner or something, ive done this a couple times and hgad a fab time xxx

 

[claire671]

Keep your chin up hun, we are all here for you! Sit down with your OH and talk to him about how you are feeling, men can be a little oblivious to how we're feeling unless it's spelled out to them. Let him know that you're feeling left out and down.
I'm 24 too and my 'best friend' has just completely ditched me since I found out I was pregnant, we had a trip to Amsterdam in March (booked well before I was pregnant) and when I told her she actually said 'Oh, well that's Amsterdam ruined then. I'll need to go another time and properly enjoy it.' Grrr!!
Well done you for quitting smoking and joining baby yoga, all very good steps. You'll get there, things take time and friendships will develop. xxx

 

[mum2b410]

You aren't alone hun. I wasnt in the exact same situation when I was pregnant but I can understand where u r coming from. I joined pf coz I wasn't telling people I was pregnant and it gave me a place to share stuff without worrying about it affecting friendships and knowing that other people were going thru the same stuff gave me comfort. Being pregnant and having a baby is a HUGE thing in any womans life and so much changes its unbelievable but u do find out who your real mates are, and you will make lots of new ones too!!.....Hormones are to blame for a lot of the ups and downs but make sure u tell someone how u r feeling (OH or MW) just so u don't isolate yourself and how u feel. Posting on the forum is also a good idea as I found a lot of support from members and there is pretty much always someone who is going thru the same thing! All the best xx

 

[mumm2b24]

Thank you for all your replies.

I still got lots of friends around me but my opinon has just changed alot about most of them.

I do intend on going to Baby classes but if it anything like my baby yoga group I dont think i will really fit in anywhere.

Its seems to be alot older mums at these groups and even thou im 24 I do look really young for my age and when I talk to the mum at baby yoga there shocked to know im 24 been married 2 year have a mortgage and run our family garage. But pre judgement and all.

Alot of friend with baby are sadly not intested in the group for the same reason they get judge and certain mum will stick with the ones they know.

I will talk to OH tonight I did say it to him before but simple terms might be better. x

 

[Loula]

I think no matter what age you are, what you do there are always clicky people x

 

[stupidcupid]

Hi, Although I dont exactly know what my situation is just yet, I know a lot of my friends joined mother and baby groups whilst they were pregnant..

It helped their confidence loads, and whilst at first it may seem daunting, if you explain that you're going along to see what they're like in prep for when baby arrives I'm sure you'll get along just fine..

Although I noticed you do baby Yoga, sometimes in groups like that pregnant women can still struggle to 'get on' or even just get to know each other.. maybe due to similar emotions being banded around by everyone.. a mixture of isolation, insecurity etc..

but in most mum and baby groups very few will be experiencing that, and many will be glad to have you share your experiences with them and then you'll also have friends there ready when you've had baby, ready to be supportive

 

[Robyn_mcl]

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you arent alone with this one. I feel exactly the same! Im 27 at the moment and most of my friends are the same age as me but i feel we are on such different levels, out of all mine and hubbys friends we are the only ones who are married and the only ones now expecting a baby. Whilst we still do like going out and socialising, i just feel the conversation is strained. Their interests are so different to ours now. I still make a effort and try to arrange things with the girls but dont feel i fit in, or have anyone that there for me anymore.
Im lucky that my hubby and i are best friends, and hes so supportive.
I just feel its time for me to start meeting new people and moving in new social circles but .. its where to start.
Im going to join mother and baby groups and go for parenting classes etc to try and meet new people.
xx

 

[Em91]

Im in the same situation, my partner is great but I dont know many other mums, all my friends are out drinking etc. I joined the net mums meet ups page, most towns have a group who meet up with their LOs a couple of times a week, they're all really. friendly at my local one. Maybe see if there's a group In your area? x

 

[Fordee]

Hi, I just wanted to say that I was in your situation 7 years ago when I was expecting DD. Hubby & I had chosen to settle down a lot earlier than most of my friends (hubby is 8 years older than me though) so at the young age of 24 I had a baby and knew not one single person who had children too. Unfortunately, it took some time after DD was born for me to get into a routine with her and have the courage to start socialising at playgroups/soft play etc. But around 8 months after she was born we slowly started to build up a network of new friends who were families too. I think you will just need to be brave & put yourself out there.
Ironically, we struggled with fertility problems for many years and only now are we expecting baby #2 but I seem to be fitting back in with my old friends, who are now all settled/married & trying for babies. The only problem is that I have moved away so still have to start from scratch finding friends with babies in my new local area. I'm going to contact my local children's centre, who run ante natal classes in the village. Making friends with people in similar situations will be a valuable resource for support when the baby arrives. You can never have too many shoulders to cry on when the struggle of coping with a newborn becomes a reality!
Good luck, I'm sure you'll be just fine, given time. x