Feeling guilty about giving formula :(

[scaredbuthappy]

My baby is just over 5 weeks old. I found breastfeeding terribly painful. She sucked so hard and then fell asleep after about 5 mins. I would wake her up and she would suck a bit more which made the pain start all over again. I started expressing her milk with a manual tommee tippee pump and at first i was getting about 4/5 ounces in the morning and 2/3 ounces at other times. At first this was more than enough for her and things were going fine. I tried a few more times to put her on my breast but i was almost in tears because of the pain and i couldnt take it anymore. I felt so terrible though. I felt upset just looking at her because i know a baby naturally expects its mummys boob and i felt close to her when she was on me.

Anyway i started exclusively expressing but now its just not enough that i have to give her formula aswell I feel so guilty. She has more formula now than she does breastmilk. She takes at least 150ml (5oz) each feed and i only make this up by expressing several times throughout the day. Im wondering if its worth it. Her poops are now becoming toxic green colour, they used to be yellowish mush when i breasfed her.
I hear all this stuff about how breastfeeding is so much better. I just read on another post how someone breastfed for nearly a year and i barely breastfed for a week.
I have my 6 week checkup soon and im feeling embarrassed about what to say when they ask if i am breastfeeding. I feel like a quitter and feel im not doing best for my baby.
Im now only managing to express about 3 ounces in the morning and only 1/2 ounces at other times. It just isnt enough and she is having more and more fomula by the day.
I wish i could of breastfed normally. I never thought it would be this hard. Not sure what to do now.

 

[beanie]

Hey hun, first of all have a massive Breastfeeding is tricky, both you and baby arelearning a new thing and it takestime.

Right I am assuming from the tone of your post you want to continue to breastfeed. For that to happen you need to start all over again, back to basics. Lotsof skin to skin contact, just snuggle upto baby and allow them to smell you, hold them on your chest and you may find baby works their way down to the breast. If not guide them. I would adviselots of snuggle time with baby, try not to go out too much at first, if possible spend a day in bed just feeding.

Sounds as though your latch is causing problems (soreness). Is there a local breastfeeding group near you (your HV should have details about this) - if so they will be able to check your latch out, or contact the NCT or La Leche league who will be ableto advise you and put you in touch with local breastfeeding counsellers (LLL - 0845 120 2918, NCT- 0870 444 8708).

yOU WILL STILL HAVE TOI SUPPLEMENT WITH FORMULA WHILST YOUR MILK SUPPLY BUILDS BUT BABY NEEDS TO HAVE AS MUCH TIME on boob as possible (sorry about caps). Brestfeed first then top up with bottle and then offer breast again - gives your body lots of signals that it needs to make more milk.

I am really tired so my reply is a bit short, but please ask away if you have any other questions. Here is a great page with some great liks about relactatig on clicky

 

[scaredbuthappy]

Thanks. I guess i should of stuck at it at the time but it just hurt so much and i didnt know how to stop her falling asleep. She would only suck for a couple of minutes then just hang on to me like a leech for the sake of it but would barely suck and i just couldnt take anymore of it. I have also had mastitis 4 times. I dreaded putting her back on me each time and it was getting too stressful for the both of us. I just feel that giving her formula im putting junk into her tummy and nothing good. She has one feed of breastmilk a day but the formula is probably drowning all that out.

 

[Happybunny]

Don't feel bad, you poor thing! You have done so incredibly well. BF'ing is really hard going and even more so if you have issues with your supply. You are not a bad mummy, in fact, I would say you are a fab mummy for making sure your little girl is getting what she needs, whether that be breast, formula or a combination of the two.

Midna's post is absolutely right. You can still get some support and batten down the hatches and see if you can get your supply flowing! (BTW are you anaemic?? I had/have poor supply as a result of anaemia...iron supplements from 6 weeks did help my supply!!)

Because of my poor supply I had weeks and weeks and week of intensive support (and numerous different techniques and strategies)from a BF counsellor. They worked initally, but I won't lie, it was hard work. Sadly though, my efforts weren't enough to help my little one gain enough weight. I supplemented with formula from 9-12 weeks, but stopped when my baby had blood in her nappy. Now the hospital have reassured me that the blood was not a result of a formula allergy so I am now supplementing my daughter's diet with two bottles of formula a day. I tried supplementing with EMB, but, like yourself, I just couldn't get enough.

I too felt terrible. I felt like such a failure for not being able to feed my daughter exclusively and giving her inferior food. (I cried about it for almost a week!!) However, I am beginning to realise that that is what she needed. She was very very small for her age and had dropped several centiles. She is now thriving and I am less stressed about my supply. It means that the BF'ing we do is more enjoyable for both of us.

You are doing fantastically! Breast milk is best for our children, but formula is not poision, far from it!!! You have still given your little one a brilliant start and it is lovely that you can still offer her some breast milk. Even one feed a day is better than none.

Please don't feel bad, you will tie yourself up in knots and not enjoy your wonderful daughter. Please do pm me if you ever want to have a chat.

I think you're doing really well!!

 

[lea m]

Not sure what to do now.

Well hun the first thing you should do is stop feeling guilty!
Your doing your baby no harm hun by feeding her as Happybunny said!
As Midna and Beanie said, if you want to try again there is still time! As others have said formula isnt poison! There plenty of women out there who cant breastfeed for one reason or another ( I couldnt and both my boys are fit healthy and very very smart)
You sound to me like its getting to you a lot and thats no good for you or your baby hun!

 

[scaredbuthappy]

I really thought breastfeeding would be simple. I read in so many books/leaflets etc that it shouldnt be painful unless baby wasnt latched on properly. Midwife said baby was latched on fine but it still hurt like hell and everytime she fell asleep and started sucking again it just hurt even more. I dont even want to tell my health visitor or doctor that im giving her formula as i feel they will judge me and quiz me as to why im not breastfeeding. I express every 3 hours or so and am still doing so as i love it when i give her a nice full bottle of breastmilk Just wish i could express more but not sure if she is an extra hungry baby as she has the reccommended amount of formula as a 2 month old, sometimes more.

 

[lea m]

I dont even want to tell my health visitor or doctor that im giving her formula as i feel they will judge me and quiz me as to why im not breastfeeding.

Well hun I know some health professionals can be a pain but a majority wont judge you! They arent there to do that! They are there to help!

ITA with Midna again! Let baby tell you when and how much she needs! I think its great you are giving her what you are! Try to be more optimistic about yourself hun!

 

[ozzy]

please dont feel guilty. i expressed/ breast fed for 6 weeks (baby was prem and in hopital) i had to give it up as was not getting enough milk. i must admit i didnt feel guilty for stopping , i was not going to let it get me down and spoil my precious time with baby.
its a shame that there is so much pressure on mums to breast feed and then it makes some feel bad if they stop.Formula isnt bad my baby has done great on it! Also i definatly dont feel any less closer to my baby having not carried on breast feeding
good luck

 

[laracomps]

I was in your position a few months back. I ended up mixed feeding for 12 weeks, however our problems were down to low supply rather than the pain.

I felt guilty, I cried for weeks, I tried to get my milk back to the point where I was so tired I was hallucinating. I would have persevered but the situation was not improving.

Phoebe is now entirely on formula. If I'm honest, deep down I'm still gutted and feel guilty BUT I had to get over that. The most important thing is that you are happy and enjoy your baby. I feel I almost missed out on those first few weeks because of the way I was feeling.

You need to do what is best for you and your baby in your situation - only you can decide that. If you want to give breast feeding another go, go for it! If you don't, then thats ok too.

FWIW Phoebe doesn't seem to give 2 hoots about where her milk comes from. She is now thriving, where as before she was losing weight. I feel I made the right choice in the end for us. However that will not stop me from trying again next time.

Please don't beat yourself up if you decide to give some / all formula. Your baby will love you just the same

 

[kalia]

You shouldn't feel guilty!

Look at the WHO stuff recommending exclusive breastfeeding. The things is, it's the World Health Organisation so one of the main reasons it's recommended is because breastmilk is clean - and in many parts of the world the water won't be. Our water's fine, don't worry.

I'm a teacher and I have never thought 'oh, x is off again, must be a formula fed baby!' or 'hmm, z is a very healthy child, they must have been brestfed for years!'.

I exclusively express because of the guilt factor. DD has enlarged renal pelvis which means she is probably susceptable to urinary tract infections and I would feel really guilty if I put her on formula and she got one. This is stupid, if for no other reason than she is permanently on antibiotics anyway!

I find it helps to massage my breast and sort of hand express at the same time as using the pump.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Dont feel guilty hun. I BF James for about 4 weeks exclusively then a bit of both for 2 then moved onto formula. It was a horrible time and i felt so guilty but once i had decided i was going to go formula the relief was overwhelming. I think it was because i had made a decision that helped me. Rather than sitting there and agonising over it. So whether you decide to give BF a go or move to exclusively bottle, do not beat yourself up. As Midna said you have given your baby the best start by BF even for the amount of time you have and giving bubs the colostrum. A healthy happy mummy means a healthy happy baby, and I think if you make a decision either way you will feel better.

The beginning is so so touch babe. nothing can really prepare you for it, you just gotta go with your instincts and do what you feel is right.