Fears and emotions

[Kandle]

I have been finding that as my pregnancy progresses, I have been getting more and more fearful. I have recently posted about irrational anxiety and was really thankful for the responses – perhaps my feelings and fears are not so weird or abnormal!

My worst fears at the moment are that I will not be a good mum – that I won’t look at my baby and feel that huge rush of love that everyone keeps on telling me about (and they do....a lot!) or even worse, that my baby will not love or like me. I am worried that I’ll not be able to breastfeed, which is something that I really want to do. It’s made worse by my MIL’s view that those who say they can’t breastfeed aren’t trying hard enough! I am concerned that when the baby is born, my partner (I am in a same sex relationship) will take over the parenting and leave me like an empty, shrivelled up prune and I’ll lose the special connection that I have with the baby at the moment.

I guess a lot of this is bound up with my feelings of a loss of identity and even a loss of control – I can’t think of a way to get back to feeling more positive about myself, my partner and my pregnancy. It’s starting to impact upon the joy that I feel about my baby and the experience of being pregnant. I have taken the last couple of days off work to try to re-connect with myself and my bump and I think it’s helpful just being able to write some of my feelings down, although I’m still feeling pretty overwhelmed. I have been crying a lot, but not really being able to identify why as well as feeling cross and anxious a great deal of the time. I then get cross with myself for not being happy for the baby – thinking that it must impact...arrrrggghhhhhhh!

It’s been a long, complicated and emotional journey becoming pregnant as two women and I am desperate to get back to enjoying the last weeks of my pregnancy and being excited about the arrival of our long wanted and awaited baby. Any ideas or advice greatly appreciated, although being able to vent and rant has been helpful in itself.

Cheers, ladies.

 

[flexilexi394]

Hey!
Hope your ok. I think a lot of us have similar anxieties and emotions about a lot of the things to be honest, I'm worried about breastfeeding too. I really want tone able to do it successfully as I still find there is a lot of pressure to do it and be good at it. I also share the love anxiety between you and baby, it's really hard to imagine getting that "rush" of love everyone talks about but apparently it doesn't always happen straight away anyway, and it's nothing to worry about if you don't get it immediately because you have to build a special bond.

I think it is harder for you being in a same sex relationship as the baby wasn't conceived how it would be if you were in a opposite sex relationship, ie women are natural childbearers, so having 2 women bringing up a baby may be a bit of a challenge as she probably will feel the same sort of love you feel, not like a man who physically hasn't got breasts or any female organs, whereas if you have them you have the ability to raise a child too. I think you need to talk to your partner and tell er that she must remember you are the one whose been pregnant all this time and you need to have space for you and baby to bond, not pushing her out but understanding your the one who carried for 9 months! As for inlaws or parents, stuff em! I listen but don't necessarily act on what they say. They aren't the ones going through it, they've been there done it. But it's different for everyone.

Hope everything goes well and you can begin to feel better emotionally, it's a tough experience as it is let alone for someone whos had an altered journey. Good luck. Xx

 

[PinkPunch]

Just a short post to say don't worry about this "rush of love" it's hard to just bond straight away because it's all a bit of a shock. It may be instant or it may take time but either way you know you love that little baby and your love for him/her will only grow each day.