Father to be advice

[Littlewriggles]

Good afternoon,

I sincerely hope everyone is well and wish you all the best of health with your pregnancy.

This is my first post and I apologise if I have offended anyone, that is not my intention as I am not the first father to be asking for advice and probably wont be the last.

I have joined this forum as I love my wife dearly and she is my little warrior in our marriage.

We have had two previous m/c and neither had any heartbeat detected both before 10wks.

We are currently on wk 13.4 and we had a strong heartbeat at 10wks 160bpm.

The last few days my wife has been worrying as she has told me she can feel flutters in tummy on a regular basis but for two days has had nothing. I reassured her that the baby is far too small at the moment to feel anything and to not worry, we have a little doppler however it doesnt seem to pick up any sound but does find a heartrate.

I am not worried at the moment because the 12wk scan showed our little baby doing all sorts of flips and dances.

Has anyone else ever had this worry of no fetal movement such an early stage for a few days. I would have personally thought it is far too early to feel anything at the moment but my wife is convinced she could feel the baby.

All replies are much appreciated and again I wish everyone the best in their journey.

Thank you.

 

[Vintageling]

I can't help with movement but with regards to the Doppler you will pick up your wife's heart beat but when finding babies it will be alot faster then your wife's will sound like a little train gunning down the track nice and fast

 

[Littlewriggles]

I can't help with movement but with regards to the Doppler you will pick up your wife's heart beat but when finding babies it will be alot faster then your wife's will sound like a little train gunning down the track nice and fast

Thank you

So she has checked herself and it shows around 90bpm and when she checked lower down the sound remained the same however it was showing 147bpm.

Bit confusing so we didnt know if this is accurate.

 

[Vintageling]

Yea that's abit confusing isn't it that's all I know about Doppler to be honest but some of the other ladies will be able to help more.

 

[Akua]

Have you tried manually counting what you can hear? If you time a minute and count how many beats you hear, that’s a lot more reliable than just looking at the screen

 

[Littlewriggles]

Have you tried manually counting what you can hear? If you time a minute and count how many beats you hear, that’s a lot more reliable than just looking at the screen

We will try this, the problem is the doppler didnt find a sound when it was near the lower stomach just gave a bpm on two occasions. My wifes own heart could be heard and was around 90bpm but the babys couldnt be heard but weirdly it gave a reading of over 140bpm

 

[Emily0505]

13.5 weeks is really early to feel any movement.

With my first I was around 18-20weeks before I felt anything. I felt my second earlier but still not as early as 13 weeks.

Baby is still so small and has so much room in there still, that even if it's baby she's feeling then baby could really easily move to a position where she can't feel it.

In terms of dopplers I used one during my last pregnancy as I'd had 3 miscarriages prior and found it very reassuring. Mine showed a bpm on the display but you could always hear a heartbeat even if it didn't register on the screen. It can be super tricky to find a HB again because bubs is still so small at this stage. The majority of midwives won't even attempt it until at least 16 weeks and some won't even then!

Just a word of caution in terms of Doppler use though. Once your wife is feeling baby move regularly, she should get to know baby's individual pattern of movement. If this changes and especially if it reduces do not rely on a home Doppler. Call your midwife immediately and get advice (she'll likely be invited in for monitoring) the presence of a heartbeat alone doesn't mean all is well, so always get a trained professional opinion and advice. Kicks count website has fan advice on monitoring baby movements.

Pregnancy after miscarriage can be very tough. I suffered terribly with anxiety and was convinced I'd never bring a baby home. If either you or your wife are struggling then definitely speak to your go or mw about how you're feeling. In hindsight I really wish I had as I allowed my anxiety to ruin my pregnancy and I'm sure I'd have felt better with the proper support in place.

Best of luck with everything



XX

 

[Littlewriggles]

13.5 weeks is really early to feel any movement.

With my first I was around 18-20weeks before I felt anything. I felt my second earlier but still not as early as 13 weeks.

Baby is still so small and has so much room in there still, that even if it's baby she's feeling then baby could really easily move to a position where she can't feel it.

In terms of dopplers I used one during my last pregnancy as I'd had 3 miscarriages prior and found it very reassuring. Mine showed a bpm on the display but you could always hear a heartbeat even if it didn't register on the screen. It can be super tricky to find a HB again because bubs is still so small at this stage. The majority of midwives won't even attempt it until at least 16 weeks and some won't even then!

Just a word of caution in terms of Doppler use though. Once your wife is feeling baby move regularly, she should get to know baby's individual pattern of movement. If this changes and especially if it reduces do not rely on a home Doppler. Call your midwife immediately and get advice (she'll likely be invited in for monitoring) the presence of a heartbeat alone doesn't mean all is well, so always get a trained professional opinion and advice. Kicks count website has fan advice on monitoring baby movements.

Pregnancy after miscarriage can be very tough. I suffered terribly with anxiety and was convinced I'd never bring a baby home. If either you or your wife are struggling then definitely speak to your go or mw about how you're feeling. In hindsight I really wish I had as I allowed my anxiety to ruin my pregnancy and I'm sure I'd have felt better with the proper support in place.

Best of luck with everything



XX

Thank you very much for this, I will try telling her this later tonight see if she can relax abit more. It just makes things very difficult when I try being strong. I really dont want to dishearten myself or her when these little scares happen.

 

[Emily0505]

She might not be able to relax.

Miscarriage is devastating and the impact and effect it can have can be awful and so often underestimated. I lost three babies between having my son and daughter (2 missed miscarriages and 1 potential ectopic) and throughout my pregnancy with my daughter I was an anxious mess! I genuinely believed I wouldn't get to bring my baby home and she'd end up another heartbreaking loss.

How she feels and her anxieties are valid and you may not be able to stop her worrying. I'm sure it's been an awful time for you too - people tend to forget about the dads when it comes to miscarriages. Don't feel you have to be the strong one. You lost two babies too and it's tragic and OK not to be OK.

Of course do what you can to reassure her and try to help her feel better but in the end there might be only limited things you can say or do. That's why I'd really encourage her to speak to her midwife about how she's feeling, especially if it goes above and beyond the normal worries associated with pregnancy and impending parenthood and of course you too if you feel you need extra support.

Perhaps she might like to join the forum? There are so many ladies on here who have been through losses and could offer support.

XX

 

[Kholl]

I have felt movement very, very early all 4 pregnancies. 14 weeks in my first, 8 weeks (which was crazy) with my second, 11ish weeks with my third, and 9 weeks with this baby. This is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing for all the obvious reasons. But it’s a curse because movement is never, ever consistent (for me anyway) until about 16-18 weeks. I’ll feel strong baby movements for a few days and then none for a few days. Baby is sO small that is (s)he changes positions or swims to another part of the uterus, or has his/her back turned (essentially), it’s impossible to feel movement until baby has returned to that ideal position. It’s so wonderful to feel baby but it’s a guarantee you won’t feel consistent movements in these early weeks.

I am pregnant after a loss and I won’t relax this time around too. No matter how many good appointments I have, I’m scared of the next thing (loss, or a genetic abnormality, you name it). It’s the name of the game. I do relax a LITTLE more each time, though, and with each passing week. It takes time. Loss traumatizes you.

Congratulations to you both.

 

[Littlewriggles]

I just want to thank you all for kindly replying. I know for my wife its a difficult time to not be worried but I for one want to continue to be strong for her and for me. I want to remain positive and I will keep you all updated on how things go.

 

[Vintageling]

I just want to thank you all for kindly replying. I know for my wife its a difficult time to not be worried but I for one want to continue to be strong for her and for me. I want to remain positive and I will keep you all updated on how things go.

Please do keep us updated and what a great mindset to have positivity can go such a long way

 

[Littlewriggles]

I will do thankyou.

I wish you all great health and if you are pregnant, A healthy troublefree journey. For any of you who have been through a miscarriage keep strong, it is nobodies fault and you should always remember that.

 

[Sparky Mum]

Baby kicks feel like little 'pops'.
I was 16 weeks through my first pregnancy when I first felt it.
I was walking home from the shop and I thought there was a tiny explosion in my belly.
It's entirely possible, just unlikely that she is feeling movements.

Mum's heartbeat is a sort of pow... pow.... pow... sound
Baby's is chug..chug..chug..chug

They are very different, but the heart-rate should be triple that of the mothers, so you're looking at least 140 BPM.

Also, on a doppler. movements make a kind of 'yip' sound when detected.

I had so much fun with my doppler during my first pregnancy, it made it so intimate, like baby was speaking to me

Congratulations to you both, and I don't mean to patronise but it's so nice to see a dad on here!
My partner signed up, said hello to the March ladies and hasn't been on since!

 

[Littlewriggles]

Baby kicks feel like little 'pops'.
I was 16 weeks through my first pregnancy when I first felt it.
I was walking home from the shop and I thought there was a tiny explosion in my belly.
It's entirely possible, just unlikely that she is feeling movements.

Mum's heartbeat is a sort of pow... pow.... pow... sound
Baby's is chug..chug..chug..chug

They are very different, but the heart-rate should be triple that of the mothers, so you're looking at least 140 BPM.

Also, on a doppler. movements make a kind of 'yip' sound when detected.

I had so much fun with my doppler during my first pregnancy, it made it so intimate, like baby was speaking to me

Congratulations to you both, and I don't mean to patronise but it's so nice to see a dad on here!
My partner signed up, said hello to the March ladies and hasn't been on since!

Thank you for the reply, I will be a first time father so I just want to be there for my wife the best I can, it is not something men usually understand. Its nothing to be ashamed of for a man, to look at me people would never put me as the type of person to approach anyone for advice especially not a forum for pregnancy. I am excited to be father and want to do it right although I will learn along the way.

 

[Princess81]

It’s great you are seeking advice to support your wife
I would never recommend Home dopplers for reassurance over movement, ever. It is still very early days for your wife, and as has been mentioned above they are very inconsistent at these times.

 

[Sparky Mum]

We all learn along the way

 

[Littlewriggles]

Just an update my wife went for a scan a few days ago, all was well and the baby had turned over facing the other way. Measuring fine and heartbeat was strong in the 160s. On Monday it will be 15wks and I am glad, just want to thank you all for the reassuring replies.

 

[Emily0505]

Awww that's fab news!



XC

 

[Sparky Mum]

Great to hear