Ex rant

[vickie]

Ok..im gonna be honest as i can be here,i know they say there are two sides to every story but my ex really is the icing on the cake!!

Get comfortable with a cuppa

We have a 2 yr old daughter,we split up when she was 1,nearly a year ago now and ive never been happier,i never really wanted to be with him and only stuck with him for the sake of our daughter,anyway..i met my current OH in August,he lives 60 mile from me and my ex moved 30 mile the other direction when we split.We are getting married ths August and this is also when our baby is due.I will be visiting my older teenage daughters who have decided they will be staying here with their dad which is fair enough as i gave them the choice seeing as they now old enough.

I suggested to my ex that i would come up every fortnight to pick up my girls ( tho this wasnt sworn,they may not want to come stay at mine and some weekends my mum will be seeing them etc) i would drop off our 2 yr old with him say on the friday evening/sat morning and he could bring her back to where i will be living on the sunday evening,and then take my 2 older girls back with him and drop them off...he was all up for this,until he spoke to his GF,he then text me saying it wasnt a good idea as he couldnt be responsable for my girls while they were in his car,i said ok i understand,it was just a suggestion,im sure we will sort something out.He then went on about did i realise how expensive his car was to run!!! like thats my problem,he should have a cheaper car if he cant afford to fuel the one he has!!

Next thing i know a recieve a solicitors letter,saying that when i visit my daughters every fortnight i must let my ex know so he can just do the 30 mile trip to the girls house instead of the 90 mile trip to my new home.

I explained to my ex that it wasnt set in stone i would def be doing this journey every fortnight,as my girls are older now and do other things,but i would none the less be coming to see them if only for the day every fortnight,in which case he would have to do one trip,i said i didnt want another solicitors letter if for some reason i asnt coming up one weekend and he should of talked to me about it,,he then said he couldnt talk to me because i was 'unreasonable' If me stating to him previously that i fully understood how hard it was going to be for him with her being so far away,that i was doing it lightly as it meant i would be leaving my two eldest girls and would miss my family etc,i explained to him he could see her whenever he wanted and that my new OH loved her as his own and she loved him to bits so at least he had that reasurance...if that was me being unreasonable then so be it.He see's her every week at the moment,now my mum lives close to him and whenever i see my mum which is most weekends i always drop her off at his or pick her to save him the trip,i have done this hundreds of times...but according to him i do it for my own convinience!!!!!

So its left that he is not prepared to travel to see his daughter..i explained to him when we split it was him who moved 30 miles away and i didnt realise i couldnt or wouldnt be allowed to get on with my own life.

I dont know whats going to happen...im guessing that he will only bother to see her when i come visit my elder daughters so he doesnt have to travel and i will be getting more solicitors letters...hmmmm why not spend the money he is spending on his solicitors fee's to put fuel in his expensive sports car and come see his daughter???????

Rant over and i need a cup of very sweet tea

 

[elysoun]

Hmm sounds to me very much like the new GF is sticking her oar in somewhere (maybe complaining about the time/money he would be spending on these trips?).
I can't suggest anything as I've never been in any kind of similar situation but I hope you get it sorted soon.

 

[mamichuli]

you are far too nice - my feeling would be: you want to see your daughter, you come and get her, and you return her at the pre-arranged time. End of story.
After all, as her mother, you are doing all the bringing up, cleaning, nursing when ill - and even if he does give you a food pension for her, it is certainly unlikely to be covering half the costs your little girl incurs. That may sound hard and cruel, but he is imposing on you something chronic. You told him he could see her any time he wanted to, not that you would provide a free taxi service for him.

Hope you sort it chick,



Lisa

 

[Jade&Evie]

sounds to me that he doesn't have much of a bond with your youngest daughter whereas his bond with your older daughters is very strong. I can sort of understand his behaviour- esp if you have told him your OH loves your daughter as his own.

I'm not sure I have much advice :s what is the relationship like between your oldest daughters and the younger daughter?

 

[vickie]

My eldest 2 have a different dad Jade.lol.confusing i know.

My OH has booked my 2 yr old into a nursery when the term starts in September which will cost £220 a month,my ex currently gives me £120 a month,i was gonna ask he up the money to cover her nursery costs but i know the way he is there is no way he will do that,i wont be working until Easter time next year when my OH is back from detatchment in the Falklands so its certainly not fair he pays for my ex's daughter to go to nursery,we checked on the CSA website and with what he earns he should be paying £208 a month.I am going to talk to him about it,but i know somehow it will all be my fault and i will get another solicitors letter.Sounds harsh but me and family are hoping once we have moved he will lose interest and forget about her,he is so unreasonable and hes never going to change in that respect,as long as he is on the scene Lottie will always have her dad but if he does disappear she certainly wont miss out as my OH treats her as his ow and she has a big family who spoil her.

Im glad im not the only one who thinks hes imposing on me...seems the more i give the more he wants and takes.My parents divoreced when i was 5 and my dad would travel 120 miles every sunday to see me....i dont remember my mum doing any of the travelling for him....but he seems to think because im moving i owe it to him to do all the travelling when he wants to see her.

Of course i do have sympathy for him in that i am taking his daughter 90 miles from him,i would hate it if the shoe was on the other foot,i reassured him in the fact that my OH loves her to bits so that he wouldnt think she didnt like him as i had an awful step dad when i was younger and my ex knows what upset he caused our family,so in that respect i was just reassuring him that Lottie is comfortable with him and vice versa.

He has her for a couple of weeks a year...each time has been on his say so and when is convinient for him,i asked him if this year he could have her the week after i get married in August as we are moving,straight away he said no he couldnt as he wouldnt be able to get time off work...funny as he had a her for a week last august when he wanted.Its all about him and what he wants and im sick of it now....i look at him and honestly think to myself...''what the hell did i ever see in you''