Emotional responses.

[Tiny Sue]

hey..

Just been having a very fraught morning - and I am beginning to wonder how pregnant women with children do it!

This is my first time, and I have found that on certain days my emotional response to difficult or even slightly stressful situations has regressed to the level of that of a little girl!

I have always been sensitive and upset easily, ie when people yell at me or criticise me, but since I became pregnant - particularly today, the tiniest thing has been enough to trigger a fit of the shakes and tears. A guy pointed out at a junction earlier that if I moved up he could get outside me and turn left...he was slightly rude in his manner, but his tone was mild, he didn't yell, didn't honk and wasn't abusive. However, I had to pull in to the motor tax office (where I was going) and sit in my car for ten minutes while I composed myself. A couple of people saw me and I was so embarrassed! Is this normal or do you guys think I need to talk to a doc about relaxing a little?

Also, do you think that babies feel their moms emotions? I wouldn't like to be upsetting my little bean...

Sue

 

[littlebump]

Hi Tiny Sue!!

I know what you mean re. pregnant women with children - they have my full respect - mostly because I have no energy to do anything but when you've got kids you don't have a choice!!

I have to say my emotions were at their most erratic during the second trimester. They have really calmed down now, but I did have some days where the smallest thing would have me in tears and there would be no consoling me!!

I don't think you need to worry unless you're feeling constantly depressed.

LBxx

 

[AmberNicole]

I agree with LB. I remember crying over the stupidest commercials on tv. Commercials, LoL! You sound completely normal, but if you're feeling really depressed quite frequently, then speak to your doctor.

 

[Tiny Sue]

`*L* thanks littlebump...

No, I'm not feeling constantly down, though the intensity of my reaction to things today really startled me, I'm not usually that hysterical!

Here's an interesting piece of useless information...ever wonder about the similarity between the words "hysterectomy" and "hysterical"? It's because the "hyster" part of the word refers to the womb...does this mean that one is only hysterical if one is a woman? Or is the term applied to people who are "acting as though they have a womb"

Any ideas?

Sue

 

[Tiny Sue]

And thanks Amber! You must have been posting at the same time as me, because I hadn't seen your post...

Oh good...I'm normal and I have these two ladies who back me up! *ready to take on the world*


Sue

 

[Layla]

HI Sue

I know how you feel, im going thorugh a real hard time at the mo, something that i never thought i would and i cant get my head round it coz its so not like me to be this way!

My doc says its depression, my midwife says its panik attacks caused my pregnancy hormoes so im not sure what to belive, my midwifes answer sounds better coz i have ntohing to be depressed about.

but dont beat yourself up about feeling emational, no matter how small or minor you think it is, that what i have learnt this week, just let it out instead of trying to hold it back.

I cant really find the right thing to say to you, even tho i can relate, just know your not on your own and im here if you need to talk


xxxxx

 

[beanie]

I am also finding it really tough at times. I have good days when I feel great but then I have really low days when everything is going to go wrong, and I cry all the time. I have had anxiety in the past so am keeping an eye on myself, but I also know that hormones are a nightmare. I cry so easily, over the silliest of things like commercials the news etc. I am also feeling really panicky at times Layla, though oddly enough nothing to do with the baby as such, more usually its because I feel like I have so much to do and no time to do it in (if that makes any sense). I guess pregnancy is such a scary and worrying time anyway, it's to be expected that at times we feel overwhelmed and stressed?

 

[Tiny Sue]

Panicky is the word...

Layla, I've always suffered from anxiety, and but for the fact that my PMS is quite bad I wouldn't have recognised this as hormonal. It's that jittery feeling of being under pressure when I'm not actually under pressure that gets me, though it's only really happened twice so far. I ended up shouting at a housefly one day because his buzzing was driving me crazy! I think my poor OH looks at me on those days and retreats into his shell saying "I just live here!"

Beanie, I understand completely. Panicky feelings are nothing new to me, just always rather tightly controlled and always in response to internal stimuli - whereas this was an isolated incident and wasn't that stressful really. I guess everything is magnified, but it's so embarrassing. My brother and Dad were over lastnight, and I snapped and snarled at them too until my brother asked me what was the matter. I said "I'm ****ing pregnant! This happens!" He just shrugged and said, "Well i didn't make you pregnant so quit taking it out on me!" Poor guys!

I guess that we can be grateful that after we have alienated everyone we care about they'll all have to come back to see the baby!

Sue

 

[Layla]

My OH came home from teh festival to be with me, coz my panicky things started when he left, but i felt so bad that i sent him back.

i thought i was coping fine, but i went to morrisons today to do a weeks shopping, thought it would take my mind off OH not being here, got half way round and had an attack, started shaking, then got hot, then couldnt breath, had to just pay for what i had quick and get out.

once home i felt much beter, i hate being like this, its so new to me, so i admire you if you have had this for a while, must be hard

 

[beanie]

Layla, are you ok? I hate panic attacks, especially when I'm on my own so my heart is going out to you. I'm glad that your OH was there for you when you needed him, he sounds great. Giving you a big hug chick and I'm nearly always on the forum if you need me. Take care of yourself xxxx

Tiny Sue, I was reading an article that says that babies do pick up on mum's emotions, and this made me even more upset as I thought my poor baby, it'll be such a stresshead like its mum. When I get really anxious my bump goes all tight and uncomfortable and I feel like I'm hurting my baby, but I will stroke my bump and just talk to baby saying that its not them that makes me sad and that I can't wait to meet them. It really helps calm me down, although it does sound dorky. Must remember not to do it in public though. In Morrisons (what is it with that supermarket hey) I found myself asking bump what flavour cheesecake to get, and got some wierd looks

It really does help to know that you guys are going through similar stuff, my OH is great and tries so hard to help, and my friends help loads but it feels a bit lonely sometimes as no-one around me is pregnant or has experienced pregnancy

 

[Layla]

thanks beanie, im ok now, just dont think i should go out till my OH gets back,

He didnt want to go back to teh festival but i felt so guilty for asking him to come home that i basicly re packed his stuff and put him in the car, he left this morning and will be back first thing on monday, so i only have 2 days to wait,

my mate is going to come round and stay with me tonight so im not on my own, i feel so stupid and bad that everyone has to baby sit me, but hopefuly when my OH gets back they will stop, coz they started when he went away.

My midewife said him going away has triggers past events that i didnt deal with.

my ex hubby used to go away alot and cheat on me all the time, so altho i trust my new OH him going put me right back a few years to when i was with my ex, there for bringing on the painck attacks.

so fingers cross they go when hes back, if its that easy, i have no idea!

thanks for careing tho hun
xxx

 

[Rosebay]

Hi Layla,

glad you're feeling a bit better. Your OH sounds like a real sweetie to come back for you . Your midwife sounds good as well

Take care hun
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[Tiny Sue]

Layla,

I haven't suffered from that panicky jittery feeling ever. I suffer from anxiety in general because I have an anxiety disorder, which means that intrusive irrational thoughts come into my mind and I dwell on them, awfulise them and suddenly I'm thinking terrible things that make me afraid, but it's usually very much internalised and controlled. it tends to make me ratty, sick to my stomach and generally no appetite and stuff - funny thing is that I'm so used to that now that when it happens I just work around it.
What you are describing sounds to me like a mild panic attack. While I don't suffer from them, some of the strategies used to combat anxiety are the same. The only thing is, you have to be careful not to turn them into little rituals (rituals turn into coping mechanisms that can rule your life) which is why I would advise you NOT to stay in until OH comes back, because you are avoiding the anxiety. The only way to combat these feelings is to face them, let them happen and realise that nothing horrible happened because you felt anxious. Try chewing gum to help you feel calmer or breathing deeply for a slow count of ten. Yawning also helps, believe it or not! You need help with this. Persist in talking to your doc and ask for a referral - this kind of thing is very treatable as long as you don't let it get embedded!

Hun, anxiety is a habit. Someone once told me that your mental processes are a bus that you are driving. Some of the passengers that get on that bus (thoughts and feelings) are ok and quite nice. Others (and everyone has them) are scary, they might smell a bit or look dirty or seem unfriendly. They might try to intimidate you into changing the route your bus takes or stopping to let them on or off where you don't want to stop. So you have to look at them and face them down, or your scary passengers will start to drive your bus for you, and you don't want that.

I kinda liked that analogy...*S* it worked for me.

Enough ranting! *HUG* Feel fear and recover!

Sue

 

[Layla]

cheers guys
xx

sorry sue, i missunderstood, i hope your doing ok and start to feel better soon, easier said than done i know.

I rmeemberd eariler that i friend of a friend is getting married this monday, and she asked me a while ago to do her hair, so it looks like i will have to go out, i just hope i dont have one in front of her and her family coz i will feel really stupid

 

[Rosebay]

Hi Layla,

I'm sure you'll be ok and if you do that they'll understand. Have you tried using breathing techniques when you feel a panic attack coming on? It really helped my husband when he was having quite a few a day at one point. Basically he breathed in to the count of 6 and then out to the count of 6- and you can also try closing one nostril with a finger- breathing in to 6, then unblock that nostril and close the other one and breath out to 6 through it- kind of alternating each nostril. I don't know why it works but maybe it just takes enough concentration to take you mind off the panic for a bit- I don't know. Anyway, it's worth a go maybe! You could always do it behind a tissue if you feel self-conscious!

Take care
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[Layla]

yeah my midwife told me about teh breathing things this after noon, she said to breath in for 5, hold for 5 then out for 5 so if i do have another one i will reember to do that.

she also said the more i think about it, i will prob have one, so i have to try and put it out of my mind when im doing her hair and focas on that.

xxx

 

[Rosebay]

Sue,

I love the bus analogy! I'll have to tell my DH that next time he gets himself in an anxious state. I got really PMT style hormonally charged last weekend- the first time it had really happened since I got pregnant (I used to suffer quite badly from PMT moodiness) and really got upset with my DH for no reason. Thankfully he recognised it in time and backed off- he came back into the room 10 mins later and apologised (for nothing mind you!) and then I did the usual bursting into tears "I'm sorry- I know it's my hormones but I can't help it" thing. It's odd as it feels like you're in a bubble where you know you don't really think whatever is coming out of your mouth but you just can't help it- at least the poor guy has had a 6 month break from that so far! I usually put a big red mark on the calendar when my period is due so that he knows not to carry on arguments as I'm just not being rational at those times!

Hope you feel better soon too
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[Tiny Sue]

Actually the alternate nostril breathing is used in warm down from Yoga sessions. It's a way to relax. It also has the benefit of clearing your sinuses if you have a bad cold (though it may be a bit yucky) and I guarantee you if you do 20 full circle breaths (in through one nostril and out through the other) before bed you will sleep like a baby!

Things like relaxation are a habit too, but a good one, if you let it in to your lifestyle and things will suddenly begin to feel better.

Thanks guys I really feel better myself now...though still missing my husband. He's coming home tomorrow night and he's been away for three days which is nothing, but I feel like it's ages! It's our longest separation since we were engaged....


*HUGS*

Sue

 

[Rosebay]

Hi,

yes I learnt it from a yoga book I used years ago when I was doing my GCSEs and got really stressed out! I've been using it ever since and it's a winner but a sinus cleaner like you say!! My husband and I are both naturally anxious people and so we've had to develop a kind of toolkit over the years to help when we need it. At least if you know you've got anxious tendencies and you know when you need to start looking after yourself you can avoid getting sucked into worse feelings. We got an allotment after his anxiety based depression got a hold a few years ago- once we'd recognised that we needed to make changes and that we'd got to try everything we put all sorts of relaxation and stress-busting measures into place. The allotment is great as if work winds him up (which it does!) he can go and wind down there- also it's good exercise and satisfying and of course you get the satisfaction of eating your own veggies (if the slugs leave you any!). I've been too knackered and kind of unable to bend in the middle much to be of help down there for weeks now but just going and sitting there (especially since we live in a city) makes me feel loads better about everything! I'm really aware that when our baby arrives we've got to try right from the start to not be too anxious ourselves about him or her in case we teach it to be anxious too. If it does inherit our characteristics we'll all just have to learn to chill out even more I reckon!

Glad you're feeling better Sue. I'm really not looking forward to my husband being away for two weeks at the end of September but I'll try and arrange for some people to see and things to do maybe and I'm sure I'll be on here constantly for company!!

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[Layla]

Thanks guys I really feel better myself now...though still missing my husband. He's coming home tomorrow night and he's been away for three days which is nothing, but I feel like it's ages! It's our longest separation since we were engaged....


*HUGS*

Sue

My OH is coming home tomorrow too, he went wednesday but came home friday coz i was bad, then i sent him back saturday morning.

its silly isnt it, like you this is the longest we have been apart since meeting each other and again like you said, its only a few days, but its hell!! lol

i cant wait to see him and give him a hug, same as you