Emotional help

[Aprilxxx]

Hi girls,
I know I should probably post this in the MC forum but there doesn’t seem to be as much actuvity.

Anyway I had a MC in Feb & last week I had a d&c at 12 weeks due to a mmc.
I just can’t seem to get over this mmc: I feel awful about it. I am reacting different to this miscarriage than I did to my first and I’m not sure if it’s because this one has me questioning if I’ll ever carry to full term. I feel like something is missing inside me, I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness I can’t shake. I don’t want to get up, get dressed do my normal routine things and when I do I have a lump in my throat holding back tears. I don’t want to go back to work next week (after taking two weeks off). I feel absolutely horrendus about myself....I’ve started hating my appearance, my personality etc. I feel like as it’s been two weeks I have to get up and act normal and show everyone I’m okay...which is what I am doing but not how I am feeling inside. I now feel very lonely. I am very jealous and angry at anyone I know who has a baby or is pregnant to the point I can’t communicate without crying. My friend goes for ivf implantation today and I’m so angry and jealous she might get pregnant I can’t even speak to her.

I still have pregnancy hormones in my body so could my being so low be down to this?
I don’t know what to do. Should I speak to my gp? Wiill this pass or as somebody who has suffered from depression in the past should I be worried I can’t move past this?

It seems that the pain of a MC is very hush hush in society and we are expected to just brush it under the carpet and act like it never happened but I’m unable to do this.

 

[Akua]

It’s definitely normal - I’ve recently read back over my journal in the ttc journals and it’s got all about my mc at 12 weeks in there. So much of what I wrote was just pure misery and self pity! All I can say is I promise it gets better, it just takes time. I remember bursting into tears at one point because some bloke on Britain’s got talent mentioned how he had a pregnant wife supporting him.

Now I’m a lot more stable although I do still have the odd wobble. I found doing positive things helped. I went to fertility reflexology to try and get rid of any leftover pregnancy hormones and reset my cycles. I found someone on Facebook who turned a baby grow we’d bought into a bear for me to remember things by.

Sorry you’re feeling so crappy x

 

[WinterWolf]

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. One positive is that I don't think it's a sign of depression. You've had a recent loss, your second one in 6 months, it's normal to feel very sad. I've never been in your position but I've seen many similar posts on here from women who are surprised at just how much harder their second MC hit them. I hope you start to feel better soon but from hearing other ladies' experiences, it might take you a while to grieve. If you're still this down when it's been months then it might be worth speaking with a GP but at the moment I'd say your feelings are normal. Just take it easy and don't pressure yourself to snap back straight away x

 

[Aprilxxx]

Thankyou so much for both of your replies. I’m glad that this is normal. I just feel so awful. I’m really, really struggling to get on with things and I feel like everybody is waiting for me to just snap out of the sadness but I can’t.

 

[Rainbow1234]

I also think this is normal. Unfortunately I think with a miscarriage a lot of people do expect you to just snap out of it and be normal. Not everyone, but I’d say definitely a lot do. It makes it really difficult as it almost feels like your grief isn’t justified. But it is! I just think people can’t understand how it feels unless they’ve been through it. I hope you’re ok. I’m back to work tomorrow and dreading it x

 

[Aprilxxx]

I agree rainbow, if you haven’t been through it you don’t understand. I also think that if you haven’t physically has this happen (like my/peoples partners) then it’s also hard. I feel like the pressure is coming from there. I can’t help feel the loss because I felt what thE pregnancy felt like.

How was work? I am also back to work. Work was fine but just reminded me that the last time I was there I was pregnant. I cried all night.

 

[Rainbow1234]

Yep I agree with that too. Its sad for the partners too but I don’t think they feel it in the same way we do.

Work was actually ok. My boss called me in to ask how I am and I ended up crying, then she ended up crying. It was nice to see that she does empathise and she isn’t going to just expect me to be ok. I know April, that thought crossed my mind too. I’ve been off 6 weeks as I also had leave in for my wedding and honeymoon so luckily a lot of my day was spent focussed on talking about that so it helped take my mind off it but I had marked in my calendar when I would find out if it was a boy or girl and it made me really sad to delete it. I think all the dates are really sad. Especially the due date. I’m thinking of booking a holiday for around then to take my mind off. Focusing myself on other positive things seems to be my coping mechanism xx

 

[Aprilxxx]

Today I am babysitting my 9 month old baby niece and it’s really breaking my heart

 

[night owl]

I agree rainbow, if you haven’t been through it you don’t understand. I also think that if you haven’t physically has this happen (like my/peoples partners) then it’s also hard. I feel like the pressure is coming from there. I can’t help feel the loss because I felt what thE pregnancy felt like.

How was work? I am also back to work. Work was fine but just reminded me that the last time I was there I was pregnant. I cried all night.

Aah April I had exactly the same feelings going back to work after my MC, the day I went back aswell was supposed to be the day of my 12 week scan, I was driving to work just thinking I should be driving to the hospital now, I just wanted to cry! Xx

 

[night owl]

Today I am babysitting my 9 month old baby niece and it’s really breaking my heart

Sorry April, sending you hugs, all you can do right now is hold onto the hope that your rainbow will come xx