Dreading my wedding

[MrsR]

Not because of my OH, I can not wait to marry him, but because of my mother! She's going to ruin everything! She and my dad came up to visit on Good Friday and she was so rude! To all of our friends! She walked out of church in the middle of a service, spoke to the vicar and his wife like they were nothing and was nothing but a snobby stuck up cow. Then I spoke to her on Tuesday and she had the audacity to say that our vicar hadn't bothered to make them feel welcome, him and his wife were rude, and she generally went on and on about them. I tried to explain that our vicar is deaf in his left ear (the side she was speaking on) plus we were outside and he was talking to his daughter at the time. I am actually considering starting an argument with her so she won't come. Her behaviour disgusts me. I actually physically do not want her there. It's actually coming to a point that I don't want her influence in our lives. She's so negative. I don't know what to do !

 

[mookie]

Snap!!! It's the MIL that's my problem, she is going to ruin everything! MIL doesn't want us to get married as she is jealous of the relationship OH and I have! I'm really dreading what is going to happen on the day, MIL hates my family and my family hate her but she won't keep her opinion to herself!

We are talking to OH's parents tonight because of a 'promise to get your tubes tied' comment. So I'm hoping she gets the hump and refuses to come!

I completely understand how you feel, she is your mum and should never talk down to you or be as rude as she has been! Have you tried explaining how you feel? Do you think she could behave for a couple of hours for your special day? My mum has told me she won't have time to help me get ready as she will be getting herself ready! We aren't getting married until late afternoon!

This is probably the wrong thing to say and others won't agree but it's YOUR wedding day, it's suppose to be all about you and OH not your mum. As I keep being told you don't want to look back and regret your special day.

I really do understand when you say about her negative vibes and not wanting her to be invloved in your lives, OH and I only ever argue about his mum and she causes so much trouble I would rather she wasn't involved at all but OH won't do it. I have to see her every other sunday too!!

 

[MrsR]

Aw glad I'm not the only one struggling. I'm speaking to my sister asap x I'm just getting proper wound up about it! It's horrific!

 

[mookie]

I know what you mean, it's just more stress that you don't need. x

 

[xxbeckyxx]

Aww I can't really understand your situation as I get on with my mum/stepmum etc, but just wanted to ask:
Which would you regret more? Looking back in 5 years and thinking 'I wish I hadn't invited my mum, she ruined my day', or 'I wish mum had been there on my special day'?

Maybe you can give your sister the job of discreetly reminding mum that it's your special day if it looks like she's going to embarrass you etc?

 

[dita_parlo]

I was in a similar situation, apart from it was with my MIL not my mum. Basically ever since my husband proposed she started to completly hate me and make up lies about me (she did the same when we first moved in together. Think she has anxiety or whatever cos he's her only child). Then 5 months before our wedding she physically attacked me. So my husband decided that unless she apologize to me, she wouldn't be coming to our wedding. She never apologized so she didn't get an invite. We haven't spoken to her since then. I'm glad she didn't come because I truly believe that once she would have had a few drinks she could have exploded again, but it is sad to think that even if we do eventually make up, it'll always be there that she was never at her son's wedding. Our children will look at our wedding pictures and ask why wasn't their nanna there, so it'll always be an issue.

I think that you and your OH should sit down and think about it from all angles. I'm not sure how close you are to your mother, but from my experience, if she doesn't get an invite to the wedding then it will go on for years and years either not speaking to her, or having bad blood. I think that becky made a good point; perhaps there is somebody who could keep an eye on her during the wedding? All I can say is good luck hun and I really feel for you here; having been through something similar it really is an awful place to be at a time thats supposed to be the happiest

 

[LouiseB]

It was my mum and my grandma that i was worrying about at my wedding.

My grandad was ill but had gone to my cousins wedding so my mum was expecting him at mine but everyone who had some sense could tell that he probably wouldn't be able to make it - but not my mum so it was an argument waiting to happen.

Hand on heart, when the day came, i was oblivious to everything but me and hubby. I was just high on adrenaline and the whole day was a bit of an out of body experience to me.

I'd actually thought my mum had behaved herself until i watched back the videos and saw my mum and grandma in each others faces and a later shot of my mum sitting on a bench crying rofl

 

[Drummers_wife]

my mum is horrendous- i worried all the way up to the wedding!! thankfully she argued with her good for nothin husband a wk before the wedding so he didnt come!! i believe this was the reason my mum was on her best behaviour at the wedding! everyone enjoyed and mum kept her usual snide comments to herself!!

my mum actually got married 7mnths before me out of spite- so everyone was talking about her day instead of mine!! - she is now in the process of getting divorced and i am 1 yr happily married so jus goes to show the good people get it ok in the end!!

sorry for rambling hope you see the point!!