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Hi 
Right, where do I start .... Its a bit of a long one, so will try & make it as short as possible !!
Towards the end of 2008 I met R, he was brilliant & fell for him very quickly even though he lived 300 miles away he still travelled up every weekend to see me. I knew he liked a drink but just thought that was his personality & didnt see it as a serious problem.
In March 2009, R asked me to marry him & I said yes as I thought he was the one, still at this time he travelled up to see me & stay in the spare room at my parents house. He told me that he was hoping to get transferred with his job in August, I was made redundant a month before the "move" so I moved down to his place on a temp basis so he could save some money.
But in the meantime, we'd organised loads for the wedding this year.
When I moved in with him, this is when I really found out about him & his problems. He told me that he was in £15k debt & I realised he drank more than most people Ive known, but he promised me that the debt would be sorted & the drinking was under control.
He didnt get the transfer & that the move would still happen one day, so I moved all my stuff down & started a new life as a southerner.
We planned to spend Christmas with his family & the day before we travelled over, he got drunk & drove home from the pub, which I was so angry at (when he was 19 he got locked up for D.Driving for 3 months) & asked him not to drink over Christmas. During the drive over he emptied a bottle of Lemonade & put Magners in it so I wouldnt be able to tell the difference.
Over the next 2 days he drunk & was horrible to me in front of his family, but his families reaction was .... "that's what he's like" & didnt help me in getting over to him that this was unacceptable.
He did eventually stop drinking & we made our way up to my parents for new year, Id told my family what had happened & we agreed to have an alcohol free new year & it was a good night.
When we got home, I asked him to seek professional help which he agreed cause I threatened to leave otherwise. He got the medical help & after a few sessions he told me that his counsellor said he could have 2 cans on a Friday & Saturday night, which he did & controlled very well.
He had 1 slip up in Feb, which he was very sorry for & I said if he did it again I would defiantly leave.
The wedding plans were all sorted now & over £3k in deposits paid by my parents & we'd talked about kids & he said that being a parent was something he knows would calm him down, so I eventually agreed & we started trying last month.
We came to my parents a few weeks ago for a birthday party & for now reason whatsoever, he went OTT & drank loads, then went for a 6 mile walk at 6am without telling anyone, when my dad found him making his way back he promised that he hadnt been drinking & that for the journey home I would drive.
When he was packing the car I found 6 cans had gone missing & found an empty one in the bedroom & I just snapped.......... opened the bedroom window & chucked it at him !!
I went to the car & took my stuff out, so his reaction was to get in & drive all the way home DRUNK !!
I broke down & realised that he'll never change, over the following few days I contacted his counsellor to ask for her advice & it turns out that he hasnt told her that he's been drinking since the age of 9 when his beloved alcoholic Nan introduced it to him, that he's been locked up, is on anti-depressants & is in debt to his eyeballs.
Her response was, well he needs to be in rehab for a few months.
The following week, me, my dad & best mate travelled down & told him he needs to be in rehab, took my stuff & left.
Since then he moved back with his parents & has got drunk every night to the point where his mum has to check he's not choking on his own sick.
I was happy being single again & had a few plans, until I found out that Im now 5 weeks pregnant !!
He doesnt know & I dont want him to. So Im now stuck as everything is against me for having the baby, all the hassle it could cause with him, his family.
I really dont think I could get rid of the baby, but I do not want him anywhere near the baby & cant see how I can have it without him finding out about it.
My family thinks the baby will get his emotional issues & drinking problems & that no future bloke will want a ready made family.
I really dont know what to do for the best & need some advice !!
Sorry for the long story, I really did try & make it as short as possible !!
Right, where do I start .... Its a bit of a long one, so will try & make it as short as possible !!
Towards the end of 2008 I met R, he was brilliant & fell for him very quickly even though he lived 300 miles away he still travelled up every weekend to see me. I knew he liked a drink but just thought that was his personality & didnt see it as a serious problem.
In March 2009, R asked me to marry him & I said yes as I thought he was the one, still at this time he travelled up to see me & stay in the spare room at my parents house. He told me that he was hoping to get transferred with his job in August, I was made redundant a month before the "move" so I moved down to his place on a temp basis so he could save some money.
But in the meantime, we'd organised loads for the wedding this year.
When I moved in with him, this is when I really found out about him & his problems. He told me that he was in £15k debt & I realised he drank more than most people Ive known, but he promised me that the debt would be sorted & the drinking was under control.
He didnt get the transfer & that the move would still happen one day, so I moved all my stuff down & started a new life as a southerner.
We planned to spend Christmas with his family & the day before we travelled over, he got drunk & drove home from the pub, which I was so angry at (when he was 19 he got locked up for D.Driving for 3 months) & asked him not to drink over Christmas. During the drive over he emptied a bottle of Lemonade & put Magners in it so I wouldnt be able to tell the difference.
Over the next 2 days he drunk & was horrible to me in front of his family, but his families reaction was .... "that's what he's like" & didnt help me in getting over to him that this was unacceptable.
He did eventually stop drinking & we made our way up to my parents for new year, Id told my family what had happened & we agreed to have an alcohol free new year & it was a good night.
When we got home, I asked him to seek professional help which he agreed cause I threatened to leave otherwise. He got the medical help & after a few sessions he told me that his counsellor said he could have 2 cans on a Friday & Saturday night, which he did & controlled very well.
He had 1 slip up in Feb, which he was very sorry for & I said if he did it again I would defiantly leave.
The wedding plans were all sorted now & over £3k in deposits paid by my parents & we'd talked about kids & he said that being a parent was something he knows would calm him down, so I eventually agreed & we started trying last month.
We came to my parents a few weeks ago for a birthday party & for now reason whatsoever, he went OTT & drank loads, then went for a 6 mile walk at 6am without telling anyone, when my dad found him making his way back he promised that he hadnt been drinking & that for the journey home I would drive.
When he was packing the car I found 6 cans had gone missing & found an empty one in the bedroom & I just snapped.......... opened the bedroom window & chucked it at him !!
I went to the car & took my stuff out, so his reaction was to get in & drive all the way home DRUNK !!
I broke down & realised that he'll never change, over the following few days I contacted his counsellor to ask for her advice & it turns out that he hasnt told her that he's been drinking since the age of 9 when his beloved alcoholic Nan introduced it to him, that he's been locked up, is on anti-depressants & is in debt to his eyeballs.
Her response was, well he needs to be in rehab for a few months.
The following week, me, my dad & best mate travelled down & told him he needs to be in rehab, took my stuff & left.
Since then he moved back with his parents & has got drunk every night to the point where his mum has to check he's not choking on his own sick.
I was happy being single again & had a few plans, until I found out that Im now 5 weeks pregnant !!
He doesnt know & I dont want him to. So Im now stuck as everything is against me for having the baby, all the hassle it could cause with him, his family.
I really dont think I could get rid of the baby, but I do not want him anywhere near the baby & cant see how I can have it without him finding out about it.
My family thinks the baby will get his emotional issues & drinking problems & that no future bloke will want a ready made family.
I really dont know what to do for the best & need some advice !!
Sorry for the long story, I really did try & make it as short as possible !!
I know it's the last thing you want to do right now after the way he's behaved, but if you want to keep the baby he does have a right to know. It's so hard - but possible with the right support - for an alcoholic to turn their life around, but maybe knowing that he needs to grow up and be responsible if he's going to be a father (even if you're not together) will give him a bit of motivation. If he's staying with family and getting drunk it doesn't sound as if they're being as supportive as they should be. Is he still seeing his counsellor?
