Dont know if this is in the right place...what would you do?

[MissGobby]

Well since i found out i was pregnant me and OH have been thinking about where we are going to live once LO arrives. at the moment we are renting a 1 bed house which is too small for a baby and its taking a big chunk of our wage to pay for it......OH's mum and dad have said we can stay there until we land on our feet, there are 2 bedrooms for us to have, and me and OH think this is a good idea, Oh's brother has been living at his GF's with their baby for the past 2 years and have just recently bought their own house, now we both think this would be the better option than the one my mum and dad are telling us to do....go on the council list and get a house BUT the problem with that will be because we will only just have signed up for the list we will get a really mingy flat/house somewhere really rough and i dont want to bring my baby up like that, my parents think its a bad idea to live with OH's parents but i think it will suit us best, OH's mum and dad are at work everyday (once OH's mum goes back in 2 weeks) she finishes at 2 and his dad finishes at 6 but OH comes home at 4.30 every day plus if we stay at his folks we will have enough money to keep one car on and so i can drive with LO to say my folks in the day.

does anyone else think its a good idea to move into OH's folks until we have enough money to actually buy our own house....eg...once i go back to work?



sorry for the essay xx

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Read your post back, I think you've just answered your own question. It's not your Mum & Dad who have to decide, it's you and to be honest it sounds like it would be the most sensible option to live with OH's parents for now

 

[clairescunny55]

that is a really nice offer from oh's parents, i'd grab it with both hands! on the other hand if u wanted to wait for a council house, you can always turn down ones you dont like

 

[MissSara]

I go with the staying with OH's parents. Like it has been said whilst you are there you are still able to go on the council list and pick and chose which property until one that is right comes along for you.
Maybe you folks might feel a little left out if you go to stay with OH's folks thats why they want you to get your own place, but if you reasssure them that you will still be able to have the car so you will be down as often as you can im sure they will see your point of view.

Good luck with what ever you and OH decide to do.

 

[Jimmer]

Of course the ideal is to have a place where you can be a family unit. But if living with OH's parents will allow you to save money until you sort out your own place, sounds like a good idea to me. And as claire says, absolutely go on the list - you never know what might turn up....

 

[Penstraze]

I lived with my OH's parents for 2 years it was a very different situation in that I moved away from my family to a new area and knew very few people I found it very isolating and hard but probably wouldn't have done if my friends and family all lived near by. I am very blessed with probably the best parents in law in the world and they have been truly amazing to me and continue to be but I did find living with them extreamly hard I felt very much like I was living in someone elses house and had to be on my best behaviour all the time, if me and DH had a row he would go out and leave me there and I felt very odd. I think it was also difficult for them at times with us intruding on their space and they couldn't really just do whatever they wanted, but this is all just my experience its not something I would want to do again but was needed and very useful at the time!

I think as long as you go into it with your eyes open considering it may be akward at times, how your going to feel if OH and you have a fall out and worse case sernario what would happen if you and OH were to split up and you get on well with his parents then go for it, its a lovely offer and sounds like it could be a great solution for you both right now.

 

[MissGobby]

Yeah well i get on with OH's parents extremely well and my folks only live 10-15mins away (not far away at all) even if we didnt have car i could get the bus straight to my mums but we are going to have a car which i can drive to folks houses - dad only lives 10 mins away if that!!! I know it will be different but they have been very good to me and i feel that, although it will be strange, it probably wont be much different to before we got the house as i was thre 24/7 anyway!!!

thanks for the advice girls - i think we will end up being at in-laws for a while!!

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

I lived with my OH's parents for 2 years it was a very different situation in that I moved away from my family to a new area and knew very few people I found it very isolating and hard but probably wouldn't have done if my friends and family all lived near by. I am very blessed with probably the best parents in law in the world and they have been truly amazing to me and continue to be but I did find living with them extreamly hard I felt very much like I was living in someone elses house and had to be on my best behaviour all the time, if me and DH had a row he would go out and leave me there and I felt very odd. I think it was also difficult for them at times with us intruding on their space and they couldn't really just do whatever they wanted, but this is all just my experience its not something I would want to do again but was needed and very useful at the time!

I think as long as you go into it with your eyes open considering it may be akward at times, how your going to feel if OH and you have a fall out and worse case sernario what would happen if you and OH were to split up and you get on well with his parents then go for it, its a lovely offer and sounds like it could be a great solution for you both right now.

Omg thats exactly how i feel.. I dont live with them but im there nearly all the time and when he goes out and leaves me i find it very awkard and i feel dead awakwrd around his parents and i cant get comfortable because its not my home or house

So yes i think you should have a big think about it before making any decitions!

 

[Redshoes]

I would just say that if you do move in with the in-laws, make it known to your OH that if either of you aren't happy for whatever reason at any point, that you will move out together. I can see why its the perfect answer and you say you get on with them very well so it is the best choice I think. Personally it wouldn't be for me, but I like my own space, home, and after your LO is born, or even before, you may feel the need to 'nest' so just be aware and talk about any feelings you have with your housing situation with your OH and even in-laws, if you get on well then it should be lovely whther you stay there or move out should you choose to.

As for council housing, I would put your name down regardless, you never know what's going to happen and because you'll be classed as adequately housed they won't offer you anything really anyway, though that's dependant on area, councils are all different, and if you're wanting 2bedrooms, you may find the council won't offer you that until your LO is walking, or later. But again, it differs from council to council, might be worth calling in just to see how it works, as the day may come you want to move out but cannot afford your own place or private renting. Very best wishes, and what wonderful in-laws, I hope it all works out well for you

 

[mary70]

all i can say hun is i know its a way off but set some ground rules for the baby too, i lived with parents when i had Kieron and i ended up feeling like the sister not the mum because they just took over and everything had to be done their way and i felt pressured being in thier house, might be an idea to sit down and have a goos talk before u make your mind up and find out what thier expectations are and also what u want too then there will be no surprises later on good luck hun

 

[nickilubs]

It sounds like it is what you want so yes you should go with whatever you are happiest with but when you start to feel comfortable....that is when its time to move on with your OH and your baby like Mary70 said they might start to become your babes "parents" and is all too easy to get into the situation of you becoming their daughter instead of the mother to their grandchild.

I have lived with my boyfriends parents and because of course my OH was happy to be living at home getting his food cooked for him getting his shopping brought ect that he did not want too move out why should he when everything is handed to him on a plate. His dad would refer to me as his daughter his mum used to call us "kids" they had 3boys and always wanted a girl and as they liked me it was all to easy to pretend especially as then the relationship between me and my parents was so strained.

Anyway! After time my boyfriend became like my brother his parents were like my parents. And due to alot of other things it all fell apart and we are split. But really the main downfall I feel was that I was soooo comfortable in their house and so happy to go along with the whole daughter thing. When I left it was like saying I never am gonna see my family again. I didn't care about never seeing my ex but I miss his parents.

Also consider things like having a shower and wondering around in your jammies and when you wana sleep in. Would you feel happy doing that? Would you be able to drop a plate or spill a drink and not feel absolutely panicked? It is all stuff you get used to but there is a point where you have to say enough is enough. Mabey set a time for when you will decide you really need to move on.

 

[MissGobby]

Also consider things like having a shower and wondering around in your jammies and when you wana sleep in. Would you feel happy doing that?

Yeah i would feel happy doing that because before we got the house we are in right now, thats exactly what i was doing anyway, between fri and sun every weekend i stayed over, and some nights in the week but other than that every single day i would come home from work and go straight over to his mum and dads until about 11.30pm!!

 

[nickilubs]

Ah mabey it was just me then, I used to find things like that really hard to get used to. Generally treating the place as my home but not getting too settled.

Sorry If it sounded like a right lecture there, its just some things you don't realize till your living there and then its like feck I really miss doing that. Sounds as though you are already close to them. I hope it goes really well whatever you choose.

 

[x Naomi x]

I lived with my in laws for two years while we saved up to build our own house, it was a sacrifice we made to literally build a future for us, this was about 5 years ago when we had been together for about a year

I will say that it has now made my relationship with my inlaws very strained- on my part not theirs,

I just felt like i lost all my independace and unlike living with my own parents, i couldnt tell them how i felt without upsetting them. I just couldnt be myself, we were lucky we had our own lounge, bathroom, all we shared was the kitchen but they would constantly be wanting to come and sit with us etc,i dont know if it is because i am a little older than you, but it did get on my nerves

we only live 3 doors up from eachother now so it still a little too close for comfort but i think you really need to consider the impact this might have on you and your OH especially when LO comes along and grandparents will want to be with he or she all the time

Thats just my personal experience hun

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I'd say go for it! Me and my OH are staying with my mum until baby is maybe 4 months old - that should give us time to work out our finances and hopefully rent somewhere. It's crowded here, it's a 3 bedroom small terrace house with me, my OH, my 15 year old brother and my mum. And my poor brothers room is the size of a cupboard!
For us it's the best thing to do as we can save up some money and work out what we can afford and where.

We are on the council housing list and have been applying for houses for months but they are so oversubscribed in my area that even the worst areas have about 50 applicants for each house!

At the end of the day you have to feel comfortable and happy - and it sounds like you will

xxxxx